Car or house, AIBU?

[Toomanycars]

DH works incredibly long hours in a very demanding job. I am a SAHM although have a small part time job

DC’s school fees are massive and we don’t have much left over each month. We have about £5,000 in savings. We also recently renovated our house but still don’t have curtains up, wardrobes or garden finished as finances haven’t allowed.

DH has 2 old cars. He spent £3,000 last year restoring 1, he now wants to spend £5,000 restoring the other. Using money From a bonus he is likely to get in late spring.

I feel that finishing the house should be prioritised; he would like his car fixed for the Summer. It his only hobby, and on the one hand I feel that as he works so hard and earns the money, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

Yet, it seems like such a huge amount of money to spend when we’ve got other priorities. He has only expressed a wish to get the car done, he won’t if I’m against it.

AIBU to say no to the car?

"The car would not take 18 months to finish, DH has been quoted 2 months."

So DH hobby is to pay someone else to restore his classic car?

THIS!!!

🤣🤣 oh my god thats hilarious...OP That is not a hobby!! He sounds like a TWAT!!

You need to save the bonus and get a full time job in my opinion.
If DH loses his job, you’ll need money for living expenses plus the massive school fees as even if you pull DC out, you’ll owe a terms fees.
I’d get some furniture from IKEA, but only essentials and definitely try and increase your working hours or look for a new job.

If you don’t believe me, add up your bills for 1 month and see how far your £5k savings will take you.

It sounds like your household finances are stretched.
It sounds like your DH has an extremely expensive hobby which costs £1000s every year.
What’s your hobby? How do you keep things fair?

@MaskingForIt
It’s not so much “all fur coat and no knickers” as much as “all private school and no curtains”!

Today's Mumsnet winner as far as I'm concerned!

We have 27 windows - may have missed some - some huge: 2 Square bays, 1 ordinary bay, 2 sets french windows, etc. House is about 3500 square feet.

To be fair curtains in the drawing room were £4k.

DH was the very high earner I was a SAHM before getting a pin money job (DC grown up now). DC did not move to private schools until we knew we could se use the fees until they were 18. DH bought a wanky car aged 52/3 without consultation but his money and everything else was more than paid for.

OP in all honesty something has to give. Either you can't afford the house or you can't afford the fees. You certainly can't afford non essential cars in the classic "do me up" category just as it seems you can't afford to live in what is probably a substantial and characterful house that is not presently rendering you an acceptable quality of life.

And SELL the extra cars. Agree with above, it’s not a hobby if someone else restores the cars!
Are you really living in a house with no curtains/wardrobes and your DH has 3 cars?

@rawlikesushi
But if I was your dh I would be feeling a bit resentful about the fact that I was funding all of this and had no spare cash.

Presumably paying for education was a joint decision . As was renovating a very rundown house. The only unreasonable one is surely her husband for indulging in an extremely expensive hobby when finances are so tight.

It sounds like you chose to buy a large home that requires renovations that you can’t afford, rather than a smaller home that needed little work etc and could be moved straight in to.

Public schools often have wrap around care included due to clubs etc, so it is unusual that you don’t work due to a lack of childcare.

Curtains can be bought cheaply, Ikea ones are large that you trim down and sew yourself. You also don’t need curtains at every window, just a few key ones at first .

You can't afford curtains and relatively affordable cars?

Private education in primary is a waste of your income under the circumstances. You'd be better off putting them in a state primary and topping them up educationally at home and putting them in a private secondary when the time comes.

I’d give notice on the private school and spend the money on curtains.

Doing up an old car costing thousands is an extremely expensive luxury you clearly can’t currently afford. It’s not your family car and it’s not even a hobby that he loves doing himself-he just wants an expensive vintage car!

You’re making ridiculous decisions already putting kids in private school when you don’t have curtains in your house. So tbh whatever you decide to do now will fit right in.

We have ten times your savings and won’t put our (teenage) kids into private school as it would put us into financial stress. Just in the last few weeks our fridge has blown up and we need new gutters for our house. We can pay for these things and an Easter holiday (I’m not in the UK) which is far more beneficial for our family than wasting money on private school for primary aged children.

Definitely don't have enough of a safety net.

What happens to the car once he's spent 5k on it? If it will increase and value and bring in a profit I'd say he does the car then splits the profit, half for the house and half for his next project. If he's doing the car so he can go for a drive every Sunday or SORN it and keep it then you should be doing at least some of the household stuff. If our garden was a mess and we had no money we'd be out doing it ourselves, it's not hard or expensive to do if you keep it basic and just want usable outdoor space for the kids playing or to sit out in.

I don't agree with your decision re private schooling, but of the two remaining choices, house first before car.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

His bonus, his choice.

Just as you are free to gain work to pay for the things you want.

Exactly. He should get something for his drudgery.

OP, can you work evenings and/or weekends when childcare would not be an issue?

You and your DH are not good with money and you have left yourselves very vulnerable. You don't have nearly enough savings, with 2 dc, a home to run and school fees hanging over your heads.

You should start working and bringing in real money. Straight away. You need to build up a savings buffer of at least 3 months of all household expenses, including the mortgage payment and school fees.

Right now you are completely reliant on his job and even on his bonuses. Which could be gone at any time.

I agree with you that his car should wait. You should look to put up curtains only in the rooms that truly need them, and a trip to Ikea should sort wardrobes for well under £1K.

After that, your spending priority should be your savings. Put all of his left over bonus in there.

@sst1234

OP, the balance of earnings in your household is too skewed. Your staying at home is clearly not compatible with your spending wishes as a household. Family money is all well and good until the higher earner had to start shouldering all the responsibility for no personal reward.

This. Sounds like SAHMhood needs to end.

For me it’s more about the fact you only have £5000 in savings. With private school fees ongoing I would want to have more than that before splashing bonuses on cars as a hobby.
Plus as others have said hobby cars are something to tinker with yourself, not pay someone else to do!

I would think of the money as family money though, not his own unless you each have the same ‘fun money’ to spend as you wish.

@Hankunamatata

24 windows but not a big house 😂

I'm guessing that individual panes are being counted and it's more like ten windows.

@KingdomScrolls

Is there a compromise to be had? Wardrobe and curtains, leave the garden for now or do it yourselves and spend some of the money on the car? It does sound a bit ridiculous to have bare windows but private school and to be restoring classic cars...

^^ this Or get free curtains from Facebook perhaps.

I'd get curtains but I wouldn't pay for private school when I couldn't afford curtains. I would cut down most spending until I had curtains. I wouldn't eat out, go on holiday, go to the cinema, buy new clothes etc until we had curtains. I find it crazy that anybody would think paying for private school was more important to children than keeping the light out overnight and in the early mornings and stopping people being able to see you all in the evenings when you have the lights on. Do you have to go to the bathroom to get changed?

His bonus, his choice.
Just as you are free to gain work to pay for the things you want.

I agree, once he has awarded her suitable bonuses for raising his kids and keeping his house, cooking, cleaning etc.

I always find this atomized view of family life bizarre. I couldn’t imagine not sharing any financial rewards/bonus/good fortune with my wife and possibly kids. Which is not to say we would have to spend it on “family stuff” (although we could) but we’d divide it up and then spend it on what we like individually.

I guess people have different ideas of what constitutes family life/marriage.

The house should be the first priority if there isn't enough money at the moment to do both. We are moving house at some point within the next year and as much as I would love a holiday if we were allowed (nothing fancy), we both know that all our spare money has to go towards the house until we get it sorted. Once that's done, we will be able to look at holidays or maybe changing our cars depending how finances are.

Put your children in normal schools and stop living in cloud cuckoo land

Public schools often have wrap around care included due to clubs etc, so it is unusual that you don’t work due to a lack of childcare.
They also have very long holidays.
I have looked into increasing hours, but DH works such long hours it isn’t practical.

My OP related specifically to car restoration v finishing house/garden. Thank you to the posters who answered the question and gave advice, much appreciated.