Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

[rainbowdashsneeze]

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

You had sex in brothers house with his friend? It's a bit ewww

@Hankunamatata

You had sex in brothers house with his friend? It's a bit ewww

No I didn't. I had it at friends house

So this was your brothers friend or your ex's friend?

It is a bit yuk yes.

How did your brother know you’d had sex with his mate at his mate’s house?

How old are you all? You sound quite immature

Your brother is being a bit ridiculous I think.

No YANBU. Adults have sex and he needs to get over it

Your brother just needs to handle it. It's really none of his business.

Your brother is behaving incredibly strange. He's entitled to react however he likes, including cutting contact but there is no real justification. WTF is he so bothered by his sisters sex life for, creep.

You did nothing wrong. Ffs.

Weird. I have siblings and have never felt it was my place to judge or try to control their sexual relationships. The idea of a ‘code’ is juvenile.

I suppose your brother may be concerned he may end up stuck in the middle of an awkward situation between you and his friend, but he should be willing to believe everyone is capable of being a reasonable adult here.

I don’t see anything terrible about this: you’re both single, consenting adults.

It's sort of one of the unwritten rules of life isn't it, don't have sex with your brother's friends. I never listened to this rule either
I take it you're a grown adult with your own mind op, and your sex life is non of your brother's business.
I think it's the thought of one of your friend's banging away at your sister that is too much for some brother's or maybe he knows something you don't.

Oof. Yeah I think there is a bit of a code really, idk if I'd react the same way as your brother but I can see why he thinks that.

I couldn't care less if my brother had sex with my best friend

But how does your brother know it happened?

Well you and the friend can have sex with whoever's you want but I do think your brother being mad is fair because it's a bit "Ew" to think of your sibling and your best friend doing that.... It might be ok if you and the friend really had feelings for eachother but your brother might be thinking that hes been there comforting you through a bad breakup and worrying about you and feel a bit peeved that you've perked up and moved on so fast with his best friend without thinking it might make it awkward for him. You're all adults though so who sleeps with who it's only up to them. Might be a good plan to forget it happened because if you try a relationship with the best friend when still hurt from your breakup and then you break up it puts your brother in a really bad position and that might be something else worrying him.

It was consenting sex between two adults, so not actually wrong. However I agree with @MaLarkinn.

I forgot to invite a friend over when my brother was staying with me as I know what my brother is like

Yes my brother and friend are consenting adults but my brother is an absolute charmer and unfortunately ends up hurting many women

He still goes on about it years later he had picked her out from my photos as someone he should absolutely meet

I love my brother and I love my friend I felt protective over her

It’s a unspoken code, thinking of your mate banging your sister- maybe he also thinks if it goes wrong he stands to loose a good mate because of you or that he will get pulled into the middle of it or it could be that he is now suddenly a 3rd wheel. That’s the main reasons for the code.

However it’s not the end of the world, he will calm down.

AIBU did I break a code?

Maybe your brother is thinking about the covid code 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's because when/if it all goes tits up, then he's left stuck between a rock and a hard place: sister vs bf. Might also be a tad insecure, that if it did become serious at all, he loses time with his mate to... his sister.
What's the phrase bros before hos?! Is his mate a ho, are you the ho, who's the ho?! (to be clear, I am joking).
But yes, even if FWB or a ONS laugh, has the propensity to go awry.

My birthday didn’t like it when I shagged his mate
And I didn’t like it when he shagged a friend of a friend either
Best avoided
He is overreacting a bit tho

I laughed at the "it was good sex" line. Critical that we knew that in order to make our decision

It's none of your brother's business and he is being unreasonable, although I can understand he might feel weird about it.

Question: has he said the same to his friend? Had he told him he broke 'the code' or was it just said to you?