Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

[rainbowdashsneeze]

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

He's probably annoyed you are 2 weeks out of a bad break up, you were drunk and his friend had sex with you. It's got disaster written all over it.

Well I am hefting my bosooms, I can tell you, at the notion that the brother and the OP discuss their sex lives. Icky.

He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend

Perhaps he thinks his friend took advantage of you at a point where you were vulnerable. I don’t think I’d be particularly impressed if my closest friend made a move on my brother the minute he was dumped from a long term relationship.

Your brother is being an immature idiot. There's no reason you can't shag his friend.
Is he secretly in love with the friend or something? A massive overreaction on his part.

I expect your brother is concerned that you've just slept with his friend after only just being out of a relationship. Perhaps he is worried about you, feels this is going to complicate things for you, and his mate, and he may get caught in the middle of it. Without knowing more about your family relationship it's hard to see where he is coming from.

I hope of course the friend is single?

Monica is that you? Stick with it, Chandler is a decent chap and Ross will get over it.

Any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

Really intense overreaction! Not speaking to you, wants you gone from the house, doesn't want anything to do with you?? WTF?

I can get feeling a bit awkward but come on, that's ridiculous.

It sounds like you have a lovely supportive brother who has really looked out for you since you split up with your partner. You are very newly single and presumably your brother has seen you very upset and vulnerable. I think it sounds like your brother is angry with his mate for taking advantage of his sister when you are vulnerable, worried this could be a rebound that will make things awkward and anxious about the impact this may have on you and his friendship. Personally I understand where he is coming from and I do think that shagging your brother’s best mate just two weeks after coming out of a long term relationship probably isn’t the most sensible decision. Try to understand he is concerned about the impact this will have on you and his friendship and approach him on that basis .

@132orbust

Monica is that you? Stick with it, Chandler is a decent chap and Ross will get over it.

Amazing

@Well1000

Yes its grim and I am with your db. Off course you can try justify it that you are both adults, but if your best friend and your ex did that would you be so ok with it? They are both adults right? No, you know there are unwritten codes. Your brother was kind enough to support you through the breakup and you do this.

Eh? Have you misunderstood something? There are no exes involved. You mean 'if your best friend and your brother did that'? right? And that's something I can't see an obvious problem with.

Yes. You broke the unwritten rules. Not on. But your brother did over-react massively.

It has broken an unwritten code. Though the mate is equally guilty, and in any case which part of not meeting up indoors is difficult to understand?

Well I used to go out with my friends Brother! Is this not the same sort of thing? Never heard of this code TBH!

I wouldn't have sex with any of my DBs friends tbh....

It’s literally none of your brothers business. I wouldn’t be apologising or feeling guilty about it.

Your brother is being unreasonable. Yes we’d probably all like to pretend our siblings don’t have sex but my sister in law slept with our housemate after a house party years ago and my sister and my husbands best friend also hooked up (although didn’t have sex) at our wedding... we just teased them a lot... certainly didn’t have a go at them or anything. I can see why he might be a bit mad at his friend as you might be seen as a bit vulnerable coming out of a LTR, but not at you. Unless there’s something you’re not sharing like the fact you’re under 18, or the friend is married or something...

There's no code about this. You've done nothing wrong and your brother is being a dick.

If I hadn't been allowed to shag my brother's friends I'd have lost my virginity two years later than I actually did

I married my brother's best mate but I wasn't vulnerable or drunk when we first slept together.

Maybe your brother knows more about his friend and his track record than you do.....

How did he find out OP?

@pantherPantherus

Hilarious

Hope you were both wearing masks and it was in the dog position in the name of social distancing

He is overreacting but in fairness it is a bit close to home. I wouldn't like it if my dsis slept with one of my friends because I keep family and friends separate. I mean to be fair thats mostly because my dsis is a toxic witch but even so.

Having said that its hardly a "Never darken my doorstep" job is it ? Unless he is in a relationship and you knew or something of that ilk.

Meh just don't do it so close to home (so to speak) next time.