Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

[rainbowdashsneeze]

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

From your brothers point of view it's ewww but he shouldn't of gone mental about it, it's not really any of his business to know about it unless you wanted to date him then I would of mentioned it.

@WombatChocolate

Not really sure what the thread is about or where there’s any scope for debate.

Op hasn’t told her brother she had sex with his mate and from recent posts seems to have liked it or been up for it. Revelations in the intiisal list have been supplemented by further ‘revelations’ later - I assume we are meant to be shocked it all as more is said, more than there actually being any scope for debate.

We have been told She’s 33 with 2 kids and having drunken sex with a stranger, during a pandemic , without a condom, 2 weeks after coming out of a relationship and has spent 2 weeks in a terrible state needing to stay with her brother.

I’m not really sure what the question about ‘codes’ is - she clearly isn’t bothered by what people think or how other behave or view her behaviour - so what is the area of debate exactly?

Is it just a ‘look at me, I don’t give a toss what people think of me’ type thread? Will there be more revelations of behaviour which perhaps we are meant to be shocked by. Or is this some kind of cry for help from someone who is vulnerable and feels out if control? Perhaps she wants her brother to ask her again about his friend or to push her about it so she can then tell him that during a pandemic she had drunken sex without a condom. Sometimes people do these things as a cry for help and keep going and doing or reporting more extreme things until they get that help.

I don’t know.

But I hope you find some help if you need it Op and that your life gets better. Sorry, but I’m not sure MN is going to be able to provide much help in response to your Q.

Do you feel better now after this horrendous post?

Did you leave your 2 kids with your brother while you went out? Because I'd be raging about that if you were my sister. And also worried about you wandering around outside, drunk. Did you tell your bro you were going to the friend's house, or did he just wake up to find you not there?

Unprotected sex while extremely drunk in the middle of a global pandemic.

Some excellent thinking there OP, and OP's brother's friend ...

Not quite sure what the point of this thread is?

The unprotected sex wasn't great, otherwise it is okay, it is easy to let your guard down coming out of a LTR it was a shock.
I know I know there is a pandemic OP could have had better judgement but
judging by the protests in Europe and the UK today that cat is out of the bag. 🤷🏼‍♀️

lol so Jeremy Kyle
but you aren't a bad person, just learn from this mistake it is repairable

You should definitely take the morning after pill ASAP

I can kind of relate to your brother, it is a bit annoying when loved ones date your friends as I inevitably end up stuck in the middle. It does change the dynamics of your relationship with each party a bit. You crossed a line/boundary but it’s not the end of the world. Your brother should be more annoyed with his mate for taking advantage of you whilst you were in a lousy head space

Just read 33 and 2 children!Saying over and over you're in a bad place will not take away the std you may have caught. Get checked out and learn something. Honestly, you're an idiot.

Nothing to do with your brother!

I can’t help wondering how different the scenario would be, if you too, were his other brother rather than his sister.

@x2boys

How does your brother know? I once shagged a friend's brother,we have been married for 16 years now🤣

Same! Been together 25 years. My brother tried to kick off but i told him to mind his own damn business!

*sorry should say my brothers friend

@Sometimeswinning

Just read 33 and 2 children!Saying over and over you're in a bad place will not take away the std you may have caught. Get checked out and learn something. Honestly, you're an idiot.

Can we stop pretending that every bout of unprotected sex leads to STDs?

Although depending where you are OP, eh, covid?

Bloody hell, so much judgement.
Woman has drunken ONS after difficult breakup.
Not great in a pandemic, not great that ot wasn't protected, but I'll say it again: drunk/ rebound.
If it's never happened to you, here is your medal. You are lovely people who never get emotional and never make mistakes.
OP, if there is a code, it's bollocks.
Your brother feels awkward, picturing best mate with sis feels probably a bit weird, but really, he has no right to police yours or his friend's body. Hopefully he will get over the initial " weirdness" and things will get back to normal soon.

@AlreadyDoneHadHerses

Bloody hell, so much judgement. Woman has drunken ONS after difficult breakup. Not great in a pandemic, not great that ot wasn't protected, but I'll say it again: drunk/ rebound. If it's never happened to you, here is your medal. You are lovely people who never get emotional and never make mistakes. OP, if there is a code, it's bollocks. Your brother feels awkward, picturing best mate with sis feels probably a bit weird, but really, he has no right to police yours or his friend's body. Hopefully he will get over the initial " weirdness" and things will get back to normal soon.

Quite. Presumably nobody on this thread has ever done it.

If you are not using contraception though, I agree with PP, get the morning after pill.

Reminds me of a reverse situation. My best friend ( gay) telling me never to have sex with his twin brother. Never understood that at all.
Never listened either.

Do you think your db is pissed off because he's been helping you emotionally for the last couple of weeks, quite possibly putting his own plans on hold, and then at the first opportunity you're off sleeping with someone else? He might feel a bit used, as if your tears were fake and that he's been wasting his time looking after you.

Just wondering whether the real issue isn't the fact it's your db's friend, although that may not have helped matters.

Just a thought 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lanique I think you may be on to something here. I wouldn't say " fake tears though", OP is probably genuinely distressed by the break up.
But yes, perhaps he is pissed off and frustrated that he has helped you and he is now seeing you making mistakes and not helping yourself.
If that is the case, I am sure he will come round. It is difficult to see a loved one being their worst enemy, and no one likes to feel that their support is going nowhere.
But that doesn't mean he is judging you for sleeping with his mate, unlike many self-righteous posters on this thread

Because nobody has ever gone out and slept with someone after a break up, and that means the tears were fake.

Unless the friend is married/in a relationship I think you’re ok. Seems a little seedy of you both though, but you’re both adults.

Your brother was probably just aware what was going on and grossed out because it made him think of you doing it. It’s one thing to be aware that your adult siblings have sex, it’s another to think ‘oh x is probably having sex with y right now’ .

Get the morning after pill.

Hopefully you took the MAP. Their wise it's up to you what you do

I wonder if he would have the same attitude if you were his brother sleeping with one of his gal pals. I suspect not, I imagine he would slap you on the back in some sort of mock tell off, macho, congratulatory kind of way. Tell your brother that you are an adult woman, its your choice to sleep with who you want. (Just use a condom next time!)

If my little brother had sex with my best friend I'd be sickened. I know they are both adults but that's my little brother and best friend. It would change my friendship with her I think.

Some weird responses here. I’m a grown woman and I’ll have sex with whoever I like. What difference does it make that it’s my brothers friend??

Your brother is over reacting.

Unless his mate is married or something then I kind of get it but it's honestly none of his business

@Whoscoatsthatjacket

Some weird responses here. I’m a grown woman and I’ll have sex with whoever I like. What difference does it make that it’s my brothers friend??

I think most people would be weirded out by their sibling going to their mates house pissed and shagging them after a big break up. It’s fine you’re not, but it doesn’t mean everyone has to think like you, right?