I’d also say there’s a difference between CAN DO what you like (yes, you can have sex with who you like) and SHOULD DO.
People often aren’t willing to see the difference. Yes, Op is free to be drunk every night and have sex with multiple people every night if she wants to. She can do it for years and years if she wants to. Should all of her friends and family remain silent throughout because she CAN do it and it’s her choice? Does feeedom to choose and do what we want mean we cannot ever comment on what a friend or family member does or care about their choices, but everything is categorically neutral and simply one choice that can be made amongst many? Most people don’t really think that in reality when taken to extremes, so there is always a line at which people will have an opinion or comment to a friend or family member they care about.
So this has become an issue about a man (brother) claiming the right to tell a woman (sister) how she can behave sexually. What about if it was a sister saying the same thing. Would that be different?
Is it about him seeing his sisters behaviour as potentially harmful to herself (I suspect it’s not actually about that) or about him feeling it will impact his relationship with his friend? Is it done selfishly or out of consideration for his sister? Would he have been concerned if the person she had drunk sex with was a stranger? It’s hard to tell, but it sounds like it wouldn’t have been an issue in the same way.
So there are 2 issues getting muddled here. One is about if it’s okay to be concerned about a friend or family member and their behaviour if we think it is harmful to them. On this one, whilst anyone is free to do whatever they choose, I think as friends and family Simeon times we seem peolle who are vulnerable do things which they might be feee to do but which worry us. If we get to a point when we can’t say that, I think we’ve lost the bonds of famiky and community and society and really will be independent islands and the worse for it. Some people would like it like that, but most wouldn’t. So on these issue of whether anyone could comment to Op about what happened, I think in some circumstances they could and should.
And then there is the 2nd issue that this has got muddled up with - controlling behaviour because of self interest. This is wrong. Controlling behaviour because of sexual stereotypes about acceptable behaviour from men and different for women..this is wrong.
So if brother was worried about sister being vulnerable having just come out of relationship and being in a crazy place for a couple of weeks, then being out very drunk and having sex with an unknown in a dangerous situation....saying something = fine. BUT, if it wasn’t about caring for her and her vulnerability, but more about worrying about his friendship with friend sister slept with and feeling awkward about it, then NOT FINE.
But, too many people muddle the 2 issues and go to an extreme as say no-one can ever comment to a dear friend or family member when they are worried about their behaviour. I dont think this is right or wise. Adults can do what they like (within the law) and ultimately have to be able to choose their own course even if it’s destructive or dangerous (although clearly at an extreme point of actual harm they could be sectioned) but friends and family can and should feel they can and be willing to voice concern if they feel someone is vulnerable and their actions are a danger. It is the caring thing to do. It might not go down well and it might be ignored but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to say it.