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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

196 replies

rainbowdashsneeze · 20/03/2021 11:07

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowdashsneeze · 20/03/2021 19:18

@Orgyofsausages

did you use a condom?
No 🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/03/2021 19:21

So you went and got the morning after pill, yes?

WombatChocolate · 20/03/2021 20:16

Not really sure what the thread is about or where there’s any scope for debate.

Op hasn’t told her brother she had sex with his mate and from recent posts seems to have liked it or been up for it. Revelations in the intiisal list have been supplemented by further ‘revelations’ later - I assume we are meant to be shocked it all as more is said, more than there actually being any scope for debate.

We have been told She’s 33 with 2 kids and having drunken sex with a stranger, during a pandemic , without a condom, 2 weeks after coming out of a relationship and has spent 2 weeks in a terrible state needing to stay with her brother.

I’m not really sure what the question about ‘codes’ is - she clearly isn’t bothered by what people think or how other behave or view her behaviour - so what is the area of debate exactly?

Is it just a ‘look at me, I don’t give a toss what people think of me’ type thread? Will there be more revelations of behaviour which perhaps we are meant to be shocked by. Or is this some kind of cry for help from someone who is vulnerable and feels out if control? Perhaps she wants her brother to ask her again about his friend or to push her about it so she can then tell him that during a pandemic she had drunken sex without a condom. Sometimes people do these things as a cry for help and keep going and doing or reporting more extreme things until they get that help.

I don’t know.

But I hope you find some help if you need it Op and that your life gets better. Sorry, but I’m not sure MN is going to be able to provide much help in response to your Q.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 20/03/2021 20:38

She’s 33 with 2 kids and having drunken sex with a stranger, during a pandemic , without a condom, 2 weeks after coming out of a relationship and has spent 2 weeks in a terrible state needing to stay with her brother.

Really good point. Of anything that's happened in the last fortnight, it's your DB's reaction to your behaviour that's bugging you?

SoulofanAggron · 20/03/2021 20:45

@rainbowdashsneeze Why wouldn't you use a condom when shagging someone for the first time? Confused I don't get people nowadays when it comes to condoms.

Do you think you are self-medicating with alcohol or something?

It's not healthy that you're getting so drunk that you put yourself at risk of HIV, herpes, chlamidiya etc.

SoulofanAggron · 20/03/2021 20:49

I think the bloke kind of took advantage TBH. He would've known you're going through a difficult time and knew you were pissed etc.

Ginger1982 · 20/03/2021 20:50

"I am 33 I have 2 children."

Jeezo, I thought you were going to say you were about 17!

I don't really get the 'no shagging your mate's brother/sister' thing as a general rule though. Surely you'd want someone decent for your sibling and if you have good mates then where's the problem?

Wanderlust20 · 20/03/2021 20:52

I thought you meant your ex's friend, which I would have been annoyed at too, but I see you meant your brother's. He'll get over it, you're both consenting single adults. Maybe just weirded out my the ick thought of his mate and sister? Like Ross in Friends!!

scrivette · 20/03/2021 20:54

No condom - presumably no faces mask either Grin

Seriously though, I have had sex with one of my brothers friends and he with a couple of mine. I wonder if your brother is more concerned that his friend took advantage knowing that you may have been in a vulnerable place or had been drinking?

PapaSierra · 20/03/2021 20:56
Hmm
GreyhoundG1rl · 20/03/2021 20:57

@scrivette

No condom - presumably no faces mask either Grin

Seriously though, I have had sex with one of my brothers friends and he with a couple of mine. I wonder if your brother is more concerned that his friend took advantage knowing that you may have been in a vulnerable place or had been drinking?

The way some people live...
FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 20/03/2021 20:59

The only way it was 'ewww' was if you had sex at your brothers house, or told him all the gory details.

Otherwise he is being immature and I'd say the posters saying 'yuk' and 'eew' are also immature. You're all adults. He knows his friend has sex. He knows you have sex.

The only way it involves him is if it makes things awkward between the three of you or if you want to date his friend, but even then if everyone stays grown up about it then it will he fine

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 20/03/2021 21:00

Though I've seen your update, you clearly broke the 'dont try and get my sister pregnant on a one night stand' code

theThreeofWeevils · 20/03/2021 21:20

The OP hasn't said she's not using hormonal contraception or a coil, has she?

Enough bosom-hoiking going on to trigger a minor earthquake. Maybe a rebound shag isn't the best decision, but it's hardly the depths of moral turpitude either.
Why has no one made an oh-so-concerned enquiry about who was looking after the chiiiildren? Mumsnet losing its touch?

sonjadog · 20/03/2021 21:24

I don't get the big deal with him being your brother's friend. So what if he is? Does your brother really have a problem with the idea of two consenting adults having sex? Why does it matter if you know them both well? I don't get it at all.

Bluntness100 · 20/03/2021 21:29

I can see why your brother would be bothered by this. So you got drunk went to his mates house and had unprotected sex with him?

You’re a grown woman and can behave as you like but it’s a discomfiting.

LolaSmiles · 20/03/2021 21:30

It would be a bit close to home is my siblings slept with my close friends but if they're consenting adults then it's up to them and I'd want to be kept out of it.

I wonder if your brother is annoyed at his friend for sleeping with his drunk sister when she's in an emotional place in life. I'd probably be annoyed if any of my friends did that as it feels somewhere between opportunistic and predatory.

HaveeeeYouMetTed · 20/03/2021 21:36

Well... Your brother might be a bit more upset when he could potentially become Uncle to his best mates kid.

Totally irresponsible of you.

user1471539324 · 20/03/2021 21:45

Wait, has the pandemic ended and nobody’s told me?

AliceMcK · 20/03/2021 21:46

Your brother was supporting you and you went out and shagged his mate within 2 weeks of ending your previous relationship.... yes you crossed a line. Yes there is a code, my brothers mates were always off limits, just as my mates were off limits to my brothers. It would be different if you had been making a connection with this guy and he wanted to actually date you and you both checked with your brother if it was ok, but you just got drunk and shagged him.

Fair enough consenting adults should be able to sleep with who ever they want, but you still need to have respect for other relationships that may be effected.

SoulofanAggron · 20/03/2021 22:20

It would be different if you had been making a connection with this guy and he wanted to actually date you and you both checked with your brother if it was ok

@AliceMcK People have to ask permission/ get someone's ok? I didn't know that. What would the hypothetical couple do if they were The One for each other but the brother said no?

Countrygirl2021 · 20/03/2021 22:37

Breaking covid rules, jumping in and out of relationships when you have children, risking an unplanned pregnancy/STD and talking about a code as though you didn't ever grow up.

Never mind are you being unreasonable, are you going to sort yourself out for your children's sake.

AliceMcK · 20/03/2021 22:40

@SoulofanAggron

It would be different if you had been making a connection with this guy and he wanted to actually date you and you both checked with your brother if it was ok

@AliceMcK People have to ask permission/ get someone's ok? I didn't know that. What would the hypothetical couple do if they were The One for each other but the brother said no?

It’s called respecting boundaries. The 2 have them have completely disregarded the brothers relationship with them for a quick shag.

They will never know now if he would have been ok with them in a real relationship because they didn’t give him a chance.

One of my brothers friends really liked me when we were younger, he did the right thing, told my brother how he felt. My brother wasn’t happy, but respected his friend for talking to him first and said as long as it was what I wanted, he’d be ok. I wasn’t interested so that was that. The two of them are still best friends. If his friend had made a move on me first by brother would never have forgiven him. One thing I hated more than anything was my “friends” liking my brothers. I’d have girls befriend me just to get in their pants. It did nothing but cause trouble. So the rule is, don’t mess with your siblings friends and vice versa.

scrivette · 20/03/2021 22:54

Greyhound that's rather judgy... if it makes it any better we actually ended up marrying them... Wink

Emeraldshamrock · 20/03/2021 23:04

Get the morning after pill. You're an adult who felt lonely, he probably thinks his mate took advantage of your situation.
He'll get over it.
Do you like his friend?

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