Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

[rainbowdashsneeze]

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

Perhaps your brother is gay/bi and resents you coming between him and his friend?

The brother probably feels he's being taken for a dick, you're off getting pissed happy shagging his best mate. He's tea and sympathy, bet he feels like a right mug.

He doesn't actually no it happened. He has assumed as I went to his house drunk.

I think when siblings have sex with other siblings friends it can sometimes lead to relationships which can then often lead to them becoming the siblings partner more than the friendship.

This can cause tension as it changes the dynamics of the existing friendship.

I don't know if it's down to this or not, but the 'code' thing is so, so grim, misogynistic and objectifying.

It’s nothing to do with your brother if you’re both consenting adults but he’s entitled to feel a bit pissed off about it.

Bit too incesty for me. Brothers mate would be too close to family.

Ewww OP that’s grim. Grim for you and the mate, cringing at you both 🤢

@132orbust

Monica is that you? Stick with it, Chandler is a decent chap and Ross will get over it.

Very Samantha, Charlotte, Wesley and Lesley!

We are in lockdown, I would be annoyed my relative broke the law

@HollowTalk

Does 'lockdown' actually mean anything to you?

YAWN

I’d not be happy either tbh
And I’m with others ........lockdown??

It all sounds very immature - you don’t sound old enough to have had a long term relationship OP & whether or not you are teenager then this whole scenario is a bit cringeworthy. Which country are you in where all this social mixing is allowed!?

@rainbowdashsneeze

He doesn't actually no it happened. He has assumed as I went to his house drunk.

How can he have gone mental at you over it if he doesn’t know?

Does he mean the code about covid or you sleeping with his friend?

Sounds like an episode of Friends.

Two Constantine adults had sex? I can’t see a problem. You’re not your brothers property. Good for you op!

@GreenBalaclava

There's no code about this. You've done nothing wrong and your brother is being a dick.

This.

(I have no siblings, in case that's relevant).

I bet if your brother had sex with your best friend, he'd not be happy if you were annoyed about it.

You do sound like you've got your foot on the accelerator right now. Two weeks ago you and your ex were in love and now you're bonking your brother's best mate because he asked you round for a drink? It's a bit messy and a complication you probably don't need right now.

Just try apologizing to your brother, tell him your head's messed up. And leave the nest mate alone at least till you've left your brothers house.

I bet if your brother had sex with your best friend, he'd not be happy if you were annoyed about it.

I bet if the best friend was 2 weeks after having her life turned upside down and drunk the Op would be annoyed about it.

@dottiedodah

Well I used to go out with my friends Brother! Is this not the same sort of thing? Never heard of this code TBH!

I think it's a bit different if they had genuine feelings for each other that became apparent over a period of time. But it sounds like just a one night stand, so I would wonder if it was worth it for the potential fallout. Of course one night stands can be just that and everyone moves on, but sometimes feelings get hurt as well.

The brother is right to be annoyed about the risk to his relationships with both of you, just for the sake of a one night stand.

@rainbowdashsneeze

He doesn't actually no it happened. He has assumed as I went to his house drunk.

Nah I'm not buying it

His mate has clearly told him for him to react like that

your brother is being over the top, but also, its definitely a thing that your mate doesnt shag your sister

How old are you all? I'm guessing early 20s. Otherwise it's all very childish. Unless of course his friend is a notorious shagger and he's worried that you're going to get hurt. In which case he should be angry with him, not you.

Sounds like Bridgerton to me!

Your brother probably knows full well what his friend is really like and is worried you will get hurt again. You have put him in a very awkward position as well.