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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to have sex with his mate?

196 replies

rainbowdashsneeze · 20/03/2021 11:07

I have recently come out of a LTR, I was left with no warning or any kind of indication that we was unhappy. Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and I have been on a rollercoaster ride with ex partner he has gone from being madly in love with me to being cold and nasty and is totally rewriting history. Any way I have spent that past 2 weekends at my brothers house he has been amazing in helping me... well this week his best friend has messaged me a couple of times this week abs after a few too many beers last night I had sex with him. The sex was good sex! But my brother has absolutely gone off the scale mental at me? He doesn't want me back at the house, he doesn't want to speak to me he wasn't nothing to do with me because I have broke the code!!! He is also equally pissed if not more so with his best friend.

What do I do? AIBU did I break a code? I really don't know if I have done something mortally wrong or not. I just see it as a bit of fun with a friend I have knowing for 20+ years

OP posts:
MrsTophamHat · 20/03/2021 11:31

I mean, you all sound quite immature.

But yes, I think it does have the potential to interfere in their friendship because if things were to get nasty or awkward between you and the friend, then your brother is caught in the middle through no fault of his own.

grumpygiraffe · 20/03/2021 11:32

I haven’t heard of this code, but that’s probably because I’m not a teenager. Who you have sex with is none of your brother’s business.

user1471517900 · 20/03/2021 11:33

@thisisworse - my birthdays are very judgemental too. They always make me feel older. Grin

justanotherneighinparadise · 20/03/2021 11:33

Who’s friend?

HollowTalk · 20/03/2021 11:40

Does 'lockdown' actually mean anything to you?

grapewine · 20/03/2021 11:41

@MrsTophamHat

I mean, you all sound quite immature.

But yes, I think it does have the potential to interfere in their friendship because if things were to get nasty or awkward between you and the friend, then your brother is caught in the middle through no fault of his own.

Agree with this. I would have felt the same if it was my brother with my friend. The awkwardness and potential aggro...
PantherPantherus · 20/03/2021 11:42

You broke into your brother's wall safe?

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/03/2021 11:43

How does your brother know? Did his mate immediately run and tell him he'd shagged you? Confused

CoRhona · 20/03/2021 11:44

It sounds like he is more worried about you using his friend with your previous relationship being over so recently and you not expecting it.

Maybe his friend really likes you...who knows.

imalmostthere · 20/03/2021 11:46

I think it's a bit of an unspoken code. It's his best mate, and of course he's going to feel awkward that he had sex with his sister.
You're consenting adults at the end of the day. But of all the people you could have slept with, yeah I do see why he's upset to be honest.

x2boys · 20/03/2021 11:48

How does your brother know?
I once shagged a friend's brother,we have been married for 16 years now🤣

changingnames786 · 20/03/2021 11:48

Another wanting to know how he found out.

LazyDaisy22 · 20/03/2021 11:48

We’re still in lockdown OP...

Crinkle77 · 20/03/2021 11:49

@HollowTalk

Does 'lockdown' actually mean anything to you?
Oh for God's sake. For all you know they may live abroad where restrictions aren't as tight.
S111n20 · 20/03/2021 11:49

How does your brother know it happened ?

something2say · 20/03/2021 11:51

Its patriarchy. Your brother thinks you're his, not his mates. Its ownership of females.

JustLyra · 20/03/2021 11:52

He’s probably annoyed because his best mate coming onto, and sleeping with, his sister who is two weeks into an unexpected and “rollercoaster” break up is a recipe for hassle between them and he’ll be caught in the middle.

I’m always very wary of men who offer a comforting shoulder to upset women and then up sleeping with them. It can be very predatory behaviour.

Well1000 · 20/03/2021 11:53

Yes its grim and I am with your db. Off course you can try justify it that you are both adults, but if your best friend and your ex did that would you be so ok with it? They are both adults right?
No, you know there are unwritten codes. Your brother was kind enough to support you through the breakup and you do this.

WombatChocolate · 20/03/2021 11:54

Doesn’t sound like there’s a code and that anything goes.

Lots on here might not like the sound of what happened and in the minds of many adults, the whole thing that is described isn’t behaviour they would be interested in or see as usual, but clearly, people have different expectations of themselves,their friends and their family.

Op, you clearly don’t have a code for this kind of thing or you wouldn’t have done it. That’s the thing that is key here isn’t it. Lots of people (as seen on this thread and from your brothers reaction) don’t feel comfortable with it, suggesting there is some kind of expectation from society. You don t seem to have that code though and it’s your choice.

Rather confused story. Not sure really what the breaking up with boyfriend has to do with it or how boyfriend is related to the man you just had sex with. Are they friends with each other or is the bloke you slept with just friends with brother? Or perhaps they are all good friends with each other. Some people do have sex with lots of people from within the same group. Lots wouldn’t consider this...perhaps that makes it a code, but it’s your choice.

Givemeabreak88 · 20/03/2021 11:56

I think if this was a man sleeping with his sisters best friend 2 weeks after he broke up with an ex the comments would be very different! I can see why the brother is annoyed tbh, I wouldn’t like it either.

WorraLiberty · 20/03/2021 11:56

@JustLyra

He’s probably annoyed because his best mate coming onto, and sleeping with, his sister who is two weeks into an unexpected and “rollercoaster” break up is a recipe for hassle between them and he’ll be caught in the middle.

I’m always very wary of men who offer a comforting shoulder to upset women and then up sleeping with them. It can be very predatory behaviour.

I’m always very wary of men who offer a comforting shoulder to upset women and then up sleeping with them. It can be very predatory behaviour.

Yep, especially as the OP has said she drank too much alcohol.

WhySoSensitive · 20/03/2021 11:57

Be dead awkward if my brother found out how many of his friends I slept with...

He’d still talk to me though. (Cos I also think he’s slept with a lot of mine) 😂

Seriously though, how does he know? Odd conversation to have with your brother.

Mellonsprite · 20/03/2021 11:57

I don’t know about any code but It will make things awkward.

stuckinarutatwork · 20/03/2021 11:58

@activitythree

AIBU did I break a code?

Maybe your brother is thinking about the covid code 🤷🏻‍♀️

Quite!
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/03/2021 11:58

Mens need to control what women do with their bodies never fails to surprise me.

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