Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

390 replies

Fedup333336 · 19/03/2021 20:43

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

OP posts:

blue25 · 19/03/2021 20:50

Why don’t they want to move out though? I hate dating men who still live at home with their mum. They’re like men children, with no independence or ambition.


ladybee28 · 19/03/2021 20:51

If you're tired of it, posting on MN about it probably isn't your smartest move...

You do you, though.


TheLost · 19/03/2021 20:51

Is there a reason that they’re still at home? I’d they’re saving up for a deposit or whatever then fair enough but if they are just planning on staying at home forever it’s not great.


Fedup333336 · 19/03/2021 20:52

They are both saving for house deposits.

OP posts:

Flowers24 · 19/03/2021 20:53

Nothing wrong with it at all like you say they pay their way. My cousins are 26 and 29 and still do, they can't afford to get their own place yet.
Who says there is a rule on them having to move out at a certain age anyway


Looseleaf · 19/03/2021 20:53

I don’t blame you for being fed up. If you’re happy and they are, or even if you aren’t or they aren’t it’s no one else’s business!

People love to comment though and I just let it wash over me - when we only had one DC I would get advice to have another , etc.


Laytwir024 · 19/03/2021 20:53

Are you happy with the situation? There is a housing crisis. If they are at home paying their way but also saving themselves money, then that's brilliant. It's completely normal in lots of cultures. It seems silly to have parents living alone and two children living seperately, also alone, paying through the nose for all these 1 bed apartments.

If you're not complaining then people should keep out of it.


seensome · 19/03/2021 20:54

It's not out of ordinary I think plenty of people are staying with parents as the cost of living is expensive, there's no pressure to marry and settle down until your 30's these days. In 10 years time and their still at home then I'd say it's about time to fly the nest.


Sparklesocks · 19/03/2021 20:54

If you’re happy and they’re happy and they are saving to move out rather than just loafing around - then that’s all that matters.


ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/03/2021 20:56

Mine’s 27 and at home. Hoarding all his earnings to buy a house.

How else are they supposed to get on the property ladder?


Cheesecake53 · 19/03/2021 20:56



Saltyslug · 19/03/2021 20:57

Living with my parents was the only way I could save for a house deposit.

It’s a great idea if they are pulling their weight with cooking, cleaning and food shopping


Fedup333336 · 19/03/2021 20:58

Exactly surely it’s better people live at home and able to get a place they want. Anywhere thanks within budget for them to rent is in an area they don’t really want to live in.

OP posts:

DenisetheMenace · 19/03/2021 20:58

It’s probably more common than we all realise now.
Our eldest left home at 16, fiercely independent, wanted to do her thing, which she successfully did for several years, renting.
She was back with us with her husband at 24, expecting their first child and saving furiously for a house deposit. Covid put paid to that, we couldn’t risk having working people in the house with her CEV dad. Thankfully, they were able to move in with her in laws instead. They’re finally moving into their own place late summer this year.
Our youngest will start university this year and frankly in the wake of this last crappy year (or two/three, hope not but who knows?) he can stay as long as he likes. He’s a lovely young person. Don’t give a stuff what anyone else thinks.


gingerbiscuit19 · 19/03/2021 20:58

Sounds like they are been sensible saving. I wish I'd stayed at home a bit longer and done this.


Luckyelephant1 · 19/03/2021 20:58

If you're happy and they're happy and they're helping with bills then there's no problem. It's pointless them moving out and pissing money away on rent while still trying to save for a house deposit when they can save on rent by staying at home.

It would be a different issue if they weren't working or paying their way.


Zerrin13 · 19/03/2021 20:59

Its really not anyone else's business


MadMadMadamMim · 19/03/2021 21:01

If both you and they are happy, there doesn't seem to be a problem. Who are the people who keep telling you this? If they are happy enough to say to your face, Your sons are too old to live at home I'd have thought Fuck off and mind your own business was fairly acceptable as a response.

Mind you, I've got DDs roughly that age and neither of them would date a bloke who still lived with his mum.


Flowers24 · 19/03/2021 21:06

Your post was great until.the last line , yeah I really understand but my daughters would never date a man who still lived at home ,how shallow are they ?!


heckwarrior · 19/03/2021 21:06

OP - I think there's an inherent bias in sons doing this and not daughters. I think it's unfair and fuelled by this idea that someone is only "attractive" (aimed at men but not always) if they have their own property and are self-sufficient. It has a bit of the "mummy's boy" vibe about it which is stereotypical nonsense If you and your sons are happy then ignore the critics. I have DD (25) at home she and I know it's not forever and frankly it suits us at the moment. That said I wouldn't date a man at 50 who still lived with his parents (unless for caring responsibilities and had at least shown some independence previously!!)


TheVanguardSix · 19/03/2021 21:07

It's smart! It's sensible and really, how lovely, to be honest! Better than throwing good money after bad and sharing extortionate flats with people who will mostly get on their nerves. Flatsharing is over-rated. It's really not an 'experience' or the road to maturity that everyone touts. It's the road to going broke before you even have a nest egg, especially nowadays.


OneRingToRuleThemAll · 19/03/2021 21:07

Multi generation living is really common now. I know several people who live with their parents and their children.


JustAnotherBrick · 19/03/2021 21:08

Can’t see the issue. DD, 21, is back from uni due to Covid. She’s now said she might live with us after uni to save for a deposit but is worried about people’s perceptions of it. I said who cares about other people? If it works for us all, why not. She pays her way and pulls her weight round the house. Our house is big enough that it doesn’t feel cramped and that DH and I were rattling around a bit when it was just the two of us. What’s not to like?

If you’re happy and they’re happy, that’s good enough.

Incidentally my brother stayed at home until 30 and saved for the majority of his house. Now, at 40, he’s married with a family and they are totally mortgage free. Unlike me who, at years older than him, am not. But of course, I was the independent one who wanted to make my own way in the world at 18. Now I’m thinking he was the savvy one!


Kazziek · 19/03/2021 21:08

I have DC same age still at home, been saving every penny for a house with their partners. They are just about in a position to buy. It's no-one else's business!


cerseii · 19/03/2021 21:09


Why don’t they want to move out though? I hate dating men who still live at home with their mum. They’re like men children, with no independence or ambition.

As a 23 year old, times are hard for my generation. I personally moved out at 18 and have rented ever since but I have practically no savings as most of my income goes on rent! There’s no perfect option here
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?