To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

[therocinante]

I was 27 not that long ago and I wouldn't date a man or woman who still lived at home who'd never moved out. If he had lived alone and then moved back in, no problems, but if they'd never left I'd be wary of mummy's boys/girls who have never done their own washing and have no idea about living truly independently without it being someone else's home (who conveniently cleans up after them). I saw too many of them while I was still single, nearly 30 and never lived independently from their family home where even the most tidy and conscientious person still hasn't clocked the toilet roll fairy doesn't exist.

That's not shallow, it's from experience.

[cyclingmad]

I can understand the comment about not dating if they lived at home. The difference for me would be are they living at home to save up for a house if yes then that's perfectly reasonable, but also are they doing their share of the household chores including washing the own clothes. Because its all well and good a guy is saving up money but if they are not responsible adults in the sense they are domesticated then ots a big no. There is no reason why any adult child living with parents is not putting in their fair share of the household chores or has no idea how to use appliances etc.

[HappyTodayForNow]

I worked with someone who lived with their parents along with their sibling....they were both past retirement age (the people.living with their parents) being in your 20's i dont think is an issue tbh i wished i stayed home longer got a deposit and brought a house if your fine with it its no one elses business

[Nith]

How self-sufficient are they? Are you cooking, shopping, washing etc for them? Do they cook for the family?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

Flowers24 Your post was great until.the last line , yeah I really understand but my daughters would never date a man who still lived at home ,how shallow are they ?!

Why is that shallow? Choosing someone purely on how much money they have or maybe on looks is shallow, but not life experience, which they can have control over.

I loved flat sharing in my twenties. I wouldn't change it for the world. I still remember my male flatmates encouraging my relationship with the man who became my husband, and giving me dating advice. Friday night flat meals together, contacts made for life and still useful, just great fun.

[Proudboomer]

I have two adult sons still at home plus the girlfriend of one of them.
The oldest is not NT but is working and independent but because he is not NT he will never be in a position to earn a wage that will enable him to get and pay a mortgage in the area we live in.
My other son and his girlfriend are both working and saving for a deposit that will make a mortgage affordable to them.
I only take off them the amount extra that having them here costs me. So extra water and heating. They all buy their own food and cook for themselves and look after their own spaces. I don’t take anymore as I not only want them to be able to save for a deposit but I also want them to be able to afford to have a holiday and enjoy themselves. Son and his girlfriend if savings stay on target should be in a position to buy in 2 possible 3 years.
My son actually said to me only the other week that without me allowing them both to live here they would be stuffed as with rent and bills they would never be able to save or have any spare cash to have a holiday and he wouldn’t have been able to afford his driving lessons and buy a semi decent car now he has passed.

[Notezzz]

well maybe it’s because so many single people are buying properties for “independence”

First time buyers are not the cause for increasing house prices. Banks lend less to ftb. Banks lend easily to those with assets.

[Runnerduck34]

Yanbu, its no ones elses business.
Particularly if you are all happy with the situation, they pay their way and do their fair share around the house .
Its very very hard to get on the property ladder particularly if you are single.
Im sure if they could they would love their own place.

[Skeroooerrat]

As long as you don't do any of their admin or house work and they are actually saving as well as paying fairly towards bills no probs. Otherwise stop enabling man babies.

[HeddaGarbled]

In many cultures it’s the norm to live at home and leave when married or stay with in laws

I’m not convinced that’s a good thing, especially for young women.

[nameisnotimportant]

I really wish I had stayed longer at home and saved saved saved. For some reason I thought that I had to move out at 21 and prove I could be an adult. It's been a lot harder to save a house deposit this way. If your happy with the situation and they aren't taking advantage, then don't listen to other people's nonsense

[onlychildandhamster]

My dh and I lived with his mum for 3 years and saved up a £70k deposit for our first home. Calculated that her help would have been equivalent to her giving us £35k in cash.

On the other hand, no one bats an eyelid at parents giving away ££££ for their kids' deposit. I would have thought that letting an adult live at your home is better than giving an adult your hard earned money. Its also more prudent as people are living longer than ever but yet 25% of FTB are being gifted money for deposits.

[nzborn]

Loved having my adult son living at home we were like flatmates by that time.

[CorianderBee]

Hmm, I'm 25 and understand the saving idea, but I'd literally never visit a mate or date a man who lived with their mum. It would feel like they didn't have their own space/our own space. I haven't lived at home full time since I was 18, and not at all since 21.

I can't imagine living with my mum now, I'd go insane. I'm a fully grown adult and like to live as such.

[PattyPan]

Yanbu although I can’t relate - I’m 26 and would hate to be living at home! I get along with my parents a lot better now I don’t have to see them every day

[drkpl]

Who cares. I do judge people who sponge off their parents, but never people who are saving for a deposit and trying to help themselves while being considerate of their parents. I’m 23 and I wouldn’t judge them or you at all. As long as they are being respectful and paying towards their keep then who cares. Ah I’m almost jealous of them!

[onlychildandhamster]

@CorianderBee i lived for 3 years with my MIL and DH's 3 sisters. It helped us buy our first property in London in our 20s when people on £100k still can't afford to buy. DH was on free school meals as a kid but that was his 1 advantage over people from more privileged backgrounds- having a mum who owned a london house.

I would say, dating a man who rents and doesn't have a 100k + income or a family that would contribute to the deposit to make up for the shortfall would mean you would struggle to buy a home in London in 2021 unless you are a high earner. However, a man who lives with his mum would probably be able to buy on a more modest salary, esp when you combine both incomes so that widens your dating pool.

[drkpl]

Btw I moved out at 18 and haven’t moved back. It’s great, I couldn’t live with my mum but sometimes I’m jealous of my work colleagues who have it so easy living at home!

[Wanderlust20]

It's not unusual at all, younger folk can't afford to get on the property ladder right away. I was in my mid 20s when I finally moved out (and 29 when I came back again after splitting up with partner and selling said house!!). Again, that also happens a lot...

[Lalliella]

I really hope my 2 will still be with me at that age! Your 2 sound sensible and like they have a plan. I will miss mine so much though when they finally go.

[Rachie1973]

Oh mine move in and out on a regular basis lol

Depends on who needs what at any one time.

[Recycledblonde]

My youngest is still at home aged 24 ( he has add) and dd came back after working away. They’re both moving out soon having saved 50k between them and are able to buy. They both bought their own food and took equal shares in looking after the house, garden and dogs. I’m going to miss them although they have both promised to dog sit.

[married15]

Yes too old. The narrative now days is that they can’t save blah blah. Maybe cut down in spending f? I think it is lovely when parents offer this but at 25 and 27... no! What are they doing with their money? Spare salary is different to our parents generation but what are you going to do .. live with parents forever or maybe find ways to make money and spend less?!

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Well OP I think it's nice you're helping them save for deposits by giving them somewhere cheap to live in the meantime. What a lovely mum you are! Why do people even care anyway?

I think people don't realise just how bloody hard it is to get on the property ladder these days. And of course this is MN so the minute your child turns 18 if you don't immediately Chuck their clothes in a bag and hoof them out the front door you're enabling a man child who'll never learn to respect women, or something

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@married15

Yes too old. The narrative now days is that they can’t save blah blah. Maybe cut down in spending f? I think it is lovely when parents offer this but at 25 and 27... no! What are they doing with their money? Spare salary is different to our parents generation but what are you going to do .. live with parents forever or maybe find ways to make money and spend less?!

25 and 27 is young! If they were 35 and 37 I might agree with you but they'll have only left Uni a few years ago!