To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

[Hankunamatata]

Each to their own. I moved out at 21. Could have never moved back in. I liked my own independence much.

[cherrytreesa]

gamerchick Fri 19-Mar-21 21:20:49

dementedma

30 year old dd1 still lives at home. Its fucking shit but whats the alternative? Put her on the street?

Yes. If she was NT I would do just that

No NT child of mine will be a failure to launch. It's an epidemic

[shocked][shocked][shocked]

[LongTimeMammaBear]

Here is the thing, OP, unless actively saving fo rental deposit or hour deposit, you are not doing them a favour. They don’t know how to live on their own. They are lacking in life skills.

[Chloemol]

YANBU. How you and your family live is entirely up to you and nothing to do with anyone else

[TattooedArm]

I don't think it's healthy but I understand why people do it. I have cousins in their early 30s still happily at home. Arrested development springs to mind.

[Same4Walls]

@Hankunamatata

Each to their own. I moved out at 21. Could have never moved back in. I liked my own independence much.

I went to uni, met my future husband and never went back home afterwards as our 2 salaries enabled us to afford to live together. My sibling is still at home. Is she any less ambitious ot independent than me? Of course she isn't however she hasn't found her future partner yet and cannot afford to buy a house by herself.

It has absolutely nothing to do with liking independence and everything to do with being fortunate and even then a dollop of luck or parental help is still often required.

[takingmytimeonmyride]

I moved out at 19. The 1 bed flat I bought was £33,000. 3 times my salary. The same flat now is £180,000. There is no way my 22 year old could afford to move out. And rent is so expensive too.

I fear I will be stuck with my kids forever. Much as I love them I find it sad house prices are so much these days.

[Flowers24]

I left at 21 after uni but first house was 36k! Plus didn't need much deposit then. Happy for mine to be here as long as they need it, as long as not playing PS4 all day lol

[LongTimeMammaBear]

Caveat - I course Im referring to D.C. without physical or mental issues which means Rey lack capacity to function independently

[picklemewalnuts]

Mine are 20 and 25. They do their own laundry, clean their own areas (bathroom and bedrooms) and do various jobs as asked from DIY to running errands. They are considerate house mates, and I'll miss them when they go. The 20 year old will go in January. The 25 year old will find his own place when we move away in about 5 years. Meantime they can save for a deposit etc.

[SimplyMarvellousDarrrrrrling]

Who keeps telling you? It's nobody's business how your family dynamics work
If it works for you, that's good enough
Enjoy it for as long as you can

[picklemewalnuts]

As long as they learn and practice all the household skill and pull their weight, it's fine.

[Bythemillpond]

I don’t want mine to ever leave.

[Parkerwhereareyou]

Smile serenely at these people and say oh but it's so lovely have to have them around. They're saving for deposits and will soon be off to their own homes and families, but I feel so lucky to have this time with them now.

Because that's the truth. Treasure every minute. They'll soon bugger off and you'll be sad. See the value in what you have and just put your foot down with other people telling you what to do/how to feel about your own kids.

[CovidHalloween]

More and more people are staying with their parents to afford their new home. Well done to your children. Tell people they are planning to buy their first property. I would rather have my children stay with me to save up for a house rather than them paying rent to pay someone else’s mortgage. Your children are lucky.

[Shnuffles]

Who is it who's telling you this? I'd probably reply that you have your reasons and don't care what anyone else thinks. Then if they persist, ask them to stop, sigh, roll your eyes, ignore-- whatever gets the point across. It's strange for someone to be so nosy about something that doesn't affect them, unless they think you're being taken advantage of or it's hindering their progress somehow... Most likely, they're just being nosy and intrusive.

[Volcanoexplorer]

Think this is pretty common now. Our neighbour’s sons still live at home and they’re 30 and 27. Houses are expensive and it’s difficult to afford to pay rent and save for a deposit. Dh and I were lucky and got a special graduate, 100%, mortgage in 2007 so were able to get on the property ladder quite easily and then move up. It’s more difficult now.

[QuidditchQueen]

Have a DC 22 left uni last year /terrible time to job search.
He now has fab job and living here -I am happy to have last bit of him before he flies the nest.

[HeddaGarbled]

Exactly surely it’s better people live at home and able to get a place they want. Anywhere thanks within budget for them to rent is in an area they don’t really want to live in

I can see both sides of this. I can see your point, but I do think there’s a bit of entitlement from people who expect to move straight from their parents’ house to somewhere equally nice.

I had a lot of fun in grotty flat shares and I do think it’s good for you to be exposed to a wide range of people and lifestyles and also to learn how to cope when things aren’t perfect.

[Betbloom]

In Mediterranean countries, its very normal really. The perspective that kids should be gone by 18 is quite shocking to them

[hansgrueber]

@blue25

Why don’t they want to move out though? I hate dating men who still live at home with their mum. They’re like men children, with no independence or ambition.

I can guarantee that the reaction to two daughters still living at home would be quite different.

[MintLampShade]

There's a massive difference between "living at home with their mum" and "living at home to save money". I hope I'll be able to provide a safe and stable home for my son as long as he needs it.

@blue25 @MadMadMadamMim

So you are saying that you / your daughters would prefer an independent man that's renting rather than a sensible man who's thinking ahead and trying to establish his future by saving for a house. Or will you / the DDs only consider house owners? 🤣 How romantic..

[ImAlrightThanx]

Why don’t they want to move out though? I hate dating men who still live at home with their mum. They’re like men children, with no independence or ambition

So don't date them, that's your choice.
It's still not your business though.

[ImAlrightThanx]

My sibling is still at home, BTW. They have reasons that aren't obvious. From the outside, they have a job and are NT.
Without giving too much away, they were badly financially and emotionally abused as a very young adult/elder teen. They are still saving towards paying off debt and trying to put themselves back together.
Things are not always as they seem.

[Namechange1991x]

Nothing wrong with that. You sound like a lovely supportive mum with hard working boys, it's positive.

If I had ever had a lovely family home I would have done the same.