To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

@cyclingmad

In my culture especially the men get waited on hand and foot

At 38, im trying to look for my significant other and let me tell you, I've been meeting many mental who live and home and do naff all. They don't cook, dont know how to use appliances like washing machines, dishwasher. Have no motivation to do so because their mum does it.

So excuse this ekf us who are very cynical about adults living living with their parents.

Whether its wshing thie rows clothes or taking it int urn to do the chores its important that adult children do get stuck in and not be waited on hand and foot.

Who wants to marry a person who isn't going to pull their weight, no thanks im better of being alone and adopting a child than to have to do x2 work because I have a man child.

While this is not an ideal situation, an older person can learn to cook and use a washing machine alot quicker than a young person who has left home can save up for a house deposit.

It is entirely your families business noone elses, however, there is a slight "Failure to launch" vibe going on. 🤣

I think it is an unusual thing in England.
But in Ireland it is normal enough for adult children to live with parents until they have money saved for deposit or they get married.

I could be wrong tho it's just an observation I have made.

The government is currently guaranteeing 90% mortgages, plus there’s no stamp duty. How far away are they from being able to buy somewhere? After the summer it’ll be a lot more expensive.

I think it’s lovely..I miss living at home!!

I've been married twice, both to men who were living with their parents still. It's the reason why adults still live with their parents that matters from my experience. Paying their own way, doing their share of the adult parts of running a home and managing their own money = a happy marriage because he had lived in a lovely family that all pulled together. All money is family money, sons don't do housework and no concept of planning for the future = miserable marriage.

Your arrangement sounds fine to me. I can't see my youngest moving out even to go to University.

@bp300 and I've been clear that it isn't a problem if they are living at home to save money up etc. So long as they are doing their fair share of the general day to day running of a house. Shouldn't be let off putting the clothes in the asking machine, hanging them up putting them away or cooking meals etc.

@ThatOtherPoster FTB paid negligible stamp duty even if buying 500k property so they don't benefit from stamp duty holiday unless they are rich FTB buying property more expensive than that which doesn't sound like OP's children.

And 5% mortgage guarantee doesn't really help in expensive areas. It would not have helped me as a FTB as I could not borrow any more and therefore needed a 15% deposit. And if I earned more and could borrow more, I could put down a bigger deposit.

In Europe it's not unusual, and very normal in Asia but we seem to have followed the US in deciding that as soon as you're an adult you shouldn't live with your parents and if you do you must be weird or immature.

I hate replies to threads like this. So sneery and judgy. I wasted a lot of money paying someone else's mortgage in the name of independence. It got me nowhere. Twenties is hardly old to be living at home these days, with house prices so unaffordable. I think it's smart. Stuff other people.

So to sum up. This topic in this country comes from the camps of 'those who think property owning is the main goal of life' and those that don't... With a smattering of 'cant stand the thought of an empty nest.

Good to know for future reference

There are only judgy and non-judgy camps that I can tell.

Of everyone is happy with the arrangements then it makes sense. Less pressure on the housing market. Also, better for the environment as you are sharing resources - heating, etc. Also, if everyone gets on then it really makes sense in the current situation - so many people living alone are incredibly lonely.

I have 2 at home. 22 and 26. They would dearly love to leave but we live in London. You can't even rent a car parking space for the money they earn which has been seriously affected by COVID. What is all this about home buying? This is generation RENT. If I chuck them out what are they going to do? Sleep in a box on the street? We make do with the situation. It is not ideal for any of us but we compromise. This is not a CHOICE for most of us in this situation. I just pray that the polititians finally start to do something around affordable rents and housing. It has to happen at some point as our young adults get older and become the majority/in power. In the meantime, we have to get along, it is not always easy but it certainly instills mutual respect and patience on both sides, similar to living in a flat share! Plus they keep me young thinking in so many ways. I honestly think I would have become closed off and old fashioned without them around.

My ex had 2 daughters living at home aged 30 and 32 and neither have any intentions of leaving any time soon. Why would they? He pays half the rent (on a 4 bed house) and they pay 1/4 each. He also takes days off work to ferry them about to various beauty appointments as neither is capable of driving themselves (despite both having cars that he paid for) or lowering themselves to use public transport. He won't ever have a proper relationship because he's married to his daughters and they know it!!

Though worst I know of is a friends ex who has never left home at 59 - he still lives in his childhood bedroom at his mums