To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

@Fedup333336

Exactly surely it’s better people live at home and able to get a place they want. Anywhere thanks within budget for them to rent is in an area they don’t really want to live in.

I'm not going to criticise anyone's choice

Some people can't think beyond what they did.

I did rent in a houseshare in a rough area but my siblings found that nuts. I'm glad I did it but everyone's different.

Have they ever lived at home? They can obviously do what they like, but many people who left home to go to university at 18 and have relished their independence ever since, despite having to pay for often rented accommodation, find it hard to cope with from a dating perspective.

Even at uni, a lot of the people who lived at home and went to the local university were harder to socialise with than those who were independent, and I often wondered how much of the university experience they missed out on.

So YABU to be fed up with people, many think that independence at that age is an experience worth paying for.

My 'children' (currently 19 & 22) will have a home here for as long as they want or need it. If they do leave after uni they will be welcome back at any point in their lives if and when they need somewhere to be.

I left home at 25 went back after uni to save a deposit, DB left at 26 after doing an apprenticeship and becoming a plumber, my parents aren't wealthy enough to hand out house deposits but they were able to do this for us, we live in the South East and friends who have rented straight from uni and haven't had parental financial support have really struggled to buy. Good for you and good for your sons.

30 year old dd1 still lives at home. Its fucking shit but whats the alternative? Put her on the street?

In my culture it’s normal. Normally leave until you get married

It really isn’t anyone’s business and older children living at home is not uncommon. My son only moved out a few weeks ago after living here since graduating. TBH it was lovely having his company.

It's none of anyone else's business OP

I left home at 18 and moved into rented accommodation with my then partner. My brother stayed at home with our mum and then moved into his girlfriends’ parents house until he was 27. We are 33 and 32 now and guess which one of us has their own house with mortgage...

The only downside to me is that property prices just keep going up and up. Where I live, the cost of a terrace has gone up by around 30% in the last 3 years.

Nothing wrong. If anything, shows you've a good relationship if they can stand being in parental home while they save up

I agree that there is an obsession with children moving out of their parents home. As long as they are working and pulling their weight and everyone is happy with the situation then it is really no one else’s business who is living in your house.

It always makes me laugh when I see people that go on about their children buying houses and then complain that house prices are constantly going up, well maybe it’s because so many single people are buying properties for “independence” (who actually knows someone’s son or daughter who is single that doesn’t go over their parents most nights for dinner or to do their washing) or bragging rights of the parents.

@dementedma

30 year old dd1 still lives at home. Its fucking shit but whats the alternative? Put her on the street?

Yes. If she was NT I would do just that.

No NT child of mine will be a failure to launch. It's an epidemic.

My sons are 25 and 33 and pay me house money and eldest is saving for deposit. Both work full time, do their own laundry and hang on line in summer and both cook for family once a week. OK one always makes spag bol and the other toad in the hole but very edible nice meals I don't have to cook. They both live in loft extension with shared bathroom, which they take in turns to clean. Youngest son earns less so pays less but he also puts all shopping away twice a week, emptied and washes out kitchen bin into rubbish bin outside and unloads dishwasher a few times each week. Both sons will ring if they are in a shop and ask if I want anything picked up. I quite like them here.

Mine can stay at home forever if they like.
My NDN DS never moved out he is 67 she is 89 and her DH 90.

Yeah I don't understand why people are so judgmental about this either. If everyone is happy with the set up, then what's the problem? My niece lived at home until she was 31, got married and her husband moved into her parents for a year until they saved enough for a decent deposit. They bought a gorgeous house last year that wouldn't have been possible without living at home. Both very independent people with professional careers.

@AlohaMolly Him?

Yanbu... Probably.

If they never cook / clear up / do laundry, then they’re not fully functioning as adults and will find it hard to adjust when they marry, but assuming they are pulling their weight, then it just makes sense. There is nothing admirable about paying a fortune to sit lonely in a studio flat in a dangerous area. I’ve done it and it sucked, particularly the mugging, would much rather have been at a family home (sadly my parents had downsized).

Either way is noone elses business but your family. A lot of the people happy to criticise don’t have a clue how hard it is to buy property now. My parents first property cost them £9000, mine first (tiny) property cost me £300000. Now I live in a 3 bed semi that cost £700000. Is crazy.

My Son can live with us till he can afford a deposit for a house when he's older. If he is sensible with money.

I moved back home at 24 for 2 years it was a different adult relationship, I've great
memories and enjoyed reconnecting with DM.

It's nobody else business whatever age they are.
And people should mind their own business.

I don't see why it matters as long as you aren't still being 'mum' to them. Would people find it odd if they lived in a house share or you had lodgers instead? To me it's the same thing if they are paying their way. My DC are welcome to stay forever as long as they are happy to pull their weight in a 'house share' environment.

@caringcarer

My sons are 25 and 33 and pay me house money and eldest is saving for deposit. Both work full time, do their own laundry and hang on line in summer and both cook for family once a week. OK one always makes spag bol and the other toad in the hole but very edible nice meals I don't have to cook. They both live in loft extension with shared bathroom, which they take in turns to clean. Youngest son earns less so pays less but he also puts all shopping away twice a week, emptied and washes out kitchen bin into rubbish bin outside and unloads dishwasher a few times each week. Both sons will ring if they are in a shop and ask if I want anything picked up. I quite like them here.

What do you think most people do? Taking out the bins and being able to cook for yourself and put away shopping is a basic adult ability.

I've had this with DS. We are happy living together and he pulls his weight, pays board and saves.

As things are now having a job and saving is doing better than most.

I left at 18 and it was so hard. I didn't buy my first home until I was 37

I doubt many people of that age live at home because they want to anyway.
I find it sad that so many people have to, and it will get worse as we're about to hit a recession like we've not seen in years.