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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:
TomBarbara · 19/03/2021 15:32

Yanbu. They sound like twats. How long til they go to secondary when you can forget it? Ignore them and concentrate on the nice ones

Original poster
GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:32

This September thank god

OP posts:
TomBarbara · 19/03/2021 15:32

Forget them not it

CreosoteQueen · 19/03/2021 15:33

They are being wee weird. A plate and cling film is a bit odd for packaged crisps, but not so weird for them to still be going on about it. Do you think they’re if the view that it’s an amusing in-joke and just haven’t realised that it upsets you, or are they being deliberately mean?

TomBarbara · 19/03/2021 15:33

Oh not long. When they go to secondary you'll never have to see them again. Apart from occasional glimpses at parents eve etc

TomBarbara · 19/03/2021 15:34

You did the right thing leaving the bitchy WhatsApp groups. They'll have to find someone else to pick on

honeylulu · 19/03/2021 15:35

The violent screaming woman was unpleasant and ridiculous. I would have been intimidated by that too, as she "has form".

The other parents laughing and mocking you though is baffling. What you did made perfect sense. Individual packs are no good for a class party. The first 12 kids grab one each and then the rest get none! Much fairer to have them on a platter or big bowl. I bet if you'd left them in their packs the party organisers would have griped about you leaving them to (a) manage the kids fighting over a limited number of packs or (b) having to empty the packs onto a plate themselves.

TomBarbara · 19/03/2021 15:36

It's not like it's you that made the plate comment. Kids say the wrong thing sometimes and they shouldn't be dicks about it

MotherPiglet · 19/03/2021 15:36

But why were they on a plate with clingfilm? Grin

In all seriousness, just let it go and forget about it.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 19/03/2021 15:38

With the greatest respect I think you might be, not unlike myself, a bit of an oddity. I think presenting the hula hoops for the party is deliciously mental, and suspect they're not taking the piss out of you in an unkind way, it's probably just a joke remember the time ginger did that LOL. But to you displaying the hula hoops is such a normal thing to do that you don't see how it's a joke.

EvaporatedHour · 19/03/2021 15:39

What a nasty bunch of bitches! You've done the right thing in not talking to any of them and leaving the chat group. I swear some so-called adults never move on from playground, nasty behaviour.

Also if this woman has a history of being violent at the school then the school really need to ban her from the premises. She shouldn't get away with that.

Well1000 · 19/03/2021 15:39

Wow they sound like vile bullies. They sound like the trashy type as well- with that language, violence and screeching around children. Avoid them, they aren't the likes you want to keep up with anyway.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 19/03/2021 15:40

Honeylulu they were in their packs. On the plate under the cling film. That's what makes it funny.

EvaporatedHour · 19/03/2021 15:45

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

Honeylulu they were in their packs. On the plate under the cling film. That's what makes it funny.
I'm assuming the OP was thinking along the lines of the teachers or kids would then open the packs and put the hula hoops out on the plate so kids could help themselves to handfuls of crisps. It makes sense. I really dont think it's hilarious or even funny at all. The clingfilm was presumably to stop the packets from falling off the plate on the way into school.
Mintychocolate · 19/03/2021 15:46

Now you know! Bullies don't grow out of it and hangers on don't ever get their own minds. Revolting behaviour. Of course you send a plate are they supposed to just throw them on the ground for the kids to pick up? Utterly stupid thing to go on about they clearly have far too much time and far too little intelligence.

I suggest next time you simply say oh for gods sake do grow up. And look pissed off. Then just go not speak to them. As for next time? Send the worst cheap shit presented in the worst way. They won't notice.

WhiskyIrnBru · 19/03/2021 15:46

My experience of these mum group 'friendships' as other than your kids sharing the same academic year, you've basically got nothing else in common.

I've been in similar situations. I have social anxiety and have picked over things I've said. Ultimately, the mum's at my DD are not my cup of tea. Their views are very different from mine.

One particular mum will be really nice and friendly one-to-one but if any other of the mum cliche are about she's rude and snarky.

I muted the group chats because I can't be arsed with it.

Sorry OP, nothing to add other than, thinking 'would i entertain these people if our kids hadn't been born around the same time?'

Teardrop2021 · 19/03/2021 15:48

Tbh the horrible shouting mum aside they kinda have point though. Why put individual package bags of crisps on a plate and the clingfilm. What a waste of plastic. I would have sooner kept them in the bag, the individual bags would have been put on the table to grab, I wouldn't calling it bullying it just banter and would have laughed it off.

SandSeaBeach · 19/03/2021 15:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mintychocolate · 19/03/2021 15:49

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

Honeylulu they were in their packs. On the plate under the cling film. That's what makes it funny.
No it really doesn't. Food goes on plates. Clingfilm goes on top to hold it on said plates. You might eat directly off the floor but most people don't. If you want to shit your own life down fo so but being able to eat properly at a table with multiple pieces of cutlery when needed is a skill your dc will need if they want to go anywhere decent.
honeylulu · 19/03/2021 15:50

Honeylulu they were in their packs. On the plate under the cling film. That's what makes it funny

Oops that will teach me to read more carefully. Double bagged crisps I suppose is a bit unnecessary and mildly amusing. But the school community must be really lacking in sources of other entertainment if they find it so hilarious two years on.

Though my husband still gets ribbed in the playground about a faux pas he made over six years ago. Our child at school at the time has long since left but our youngest then started there and people still remembered it. He DGAF though.

Rollerboots · 19/03/2021 15:51

Nasty cows, I wouldn't want to be friends with any of them.
If I did similar my friends would celebrate the extra effort I had made and I would glory in their praise. Like real friends should.
I'm sorry it's stayed with you all this time. You sound much nicer then them anyway.

Brunt0n · 19/03/2021 15:52

I would have just laughed it off at the time ‘yeah, i’m a bit extra sorry!’ And they would have forgotten about it.

The other mum sounds vile though.

RedGoldAndGreene · 19/03/2021 15:56

It was strange to do a partyplate (word of the day for me) and clingfilm since somebody probably had plates as their contribution. However it's not as weird as the mums teasing you over it.

edwinbear · 19/03/2021 16:00

You tried to make things look nice for the party - I get it.

They have nothing better in their lives to worry about than crisps?! That says more about them than you OP Flowers

Zig4zag · 19/03/2021 16:02

I'm afraid you will always be known now as the partyplate woman.

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