To still be upset about mum bullies?

[GingerNinjer]

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

There is a lot of assumptions being made here.

Firstly the op didn’t say if the attack from the abusive woman was on school grounds or not. She did say the police were involved, but not who called them or why there was no further action,

Schools do not get involved in actions between parents outside school. That’s for the police to do. And if it happened in school, then the police were involved and the school would take the lead from them.

The anti bullying schools undertake is for the children. Not the parents.

Secondly the op has not in any way said the parents who were making teasing remarks on the crisps incident were in any way some form of gang with the vile one. It’s not ok to assume because one parent is abusive, that it means any one who makes a teasing remark is the same. We have no idea how the other mothers feel about the vile one. And there is nothing to indicate they are targeting the op with her. All she’s said is there was some teasing messages on what’s app about the crisp silliness.

People are doing rhe op no favours by trying to convince her she’s being ganged up on. Because she’s never going to fucking want to leave the house if that’s true and will deeply affect her. There’s no evidence to suggest these other mothers were anything other than amused and making gentle teasing remarks.

I’m really shocked, becayse if there was a vile bully at their own kids school and their own child was not a bully but made a teasing remark becayse of an amusing incident, and they were then accused of being just as bad, a bitch, a bully, then they’d be outraged. But apparently on no evidence at all these other mothers are being called all sorts.

Nobody confronts her, she’s absolutely psychotic in the way she behaves.

@GingerNinjer

Nobody confronts her, she’s absolutely psychotic in the way she behaves.

Not remotely surprised no one confronts her.

@GingerNinjer

Nobody confronts her, she’s absolutely psychotic in the way she behaves.

If any parent had carried on like that at my son's school, the head of year or head teacher would have been having a word with them.

if there was a vile bully at their own kids school and their own child was not a bully but made a teasing remark becayse of an amusing incident, and they were then accused of being just as bad, a bitch, a bully, then they’d be outraged

There’s a difference between a one-off teasing remark and continuing to make jokes at someone’s expense when it’s apparent that they don’t find it funny. The latter is bullying. The OP says that the jokes on the WhatsApp continued for months after the encounter with crazy mum, and you wouldn’t have to be a genius to grasp that constantly reminding someone of an incident when they were called a “snobby cunt” in a crowded playground might not be funny to them.

There’s a difference between a one-off teasing remark and continuing to make jokes at someone’s expense when it’s apparent that they don’t find it funny

How do you know it was apparent she didn’t find it funny? She has said nothing at all about what she said other than on the first day when it happened and to one person. And yes you can say it’s jokes at her expense, but also you can say it was gentle ribbing for something amusing, remember it was a few comments on what’s app. It’s not like they were shouting it at her in the playground

I will probably be told I am hysterical but I feel that if some random person screams abuse in your face atvery close quarters it could leave you with a sort of ptsd.
Coming out of nowhere, being in front of a crowd which would restrict your response options , the shock and humiliation followed by extreme anger, yes def would leave its mark long term.
Perhaps counselling so you can open up about all your emotions about it might be the answer.

Everything @Bluntness100 has said.... Honest to God, some people are feeding the op the narrative that everyone is out to get her. With all due respect op besides this apparently psychotic mum who is entirely separate to the other group of mum's, you do need to build a bridge and get over it. It was two years ago.

@Mrsfrumble

if there was a vile bully at their own kids school and their own child was not a bully but made a teasing remark becayse of an amusing incident, and they were then accused of being just as bad, a bitch, a bully, then they’d be outraged

There’s a difference between a one-off teasing remark and continuing to make jokes at someone’s expense when it’s apparent that they don’t find it funny. The latter is bullying. The OP says that the jokes on the WhatsApp continued for months after the encounter with crazy mum, and you wouldn’t have to be a genius to grasp that constantly reminding someone of an incident when they were called a “snobby cunt” in a crowded playground might not be funny to them.

This 100%.

Some of these comments excusing vile behaviour are shocking.

Oh this brings back memories. A friend of DD’s had her birthday and took a small treat to school for everyone in the class. It was chocolate based but I can’t remember exactly what it was. One of the mums went off her head about her child being given a small amount of chocolate. She literally screamed across the playground at pickup about how her kid would be a nightmare all night because he’d had a mini Mars bar or whatever it was.

At Christmas they had class parties and every other class asked parents to sign up for what they would provide. Crisps, fruit, cupcakes etc. The mum who objected to the chocolate was the designated class parent and she insisted that she would organise the party and not to involve the rest of the parents. When the kids went into class after lunch they each had an apple on their desk. They could hear all the other classes having their parties and enjoying their treats and they had an apple. I didn’t know people like that existed until my kids went to school.

*She literally screamed across the playground at pickup about how her kid would be a nightmare all night because he’d had a mini Mars bar or whatever it was.
*
😳
Christ alive. Reading this thread has made me realise I got a relatively good deal when it comes to the mum group I formed at my DD's school!

Lol at all the well 'ard posters saying what they would do to psycho mum. Easy to say behind a screen but OP (and the others) are right not to confront her. People like that only escalate and you will NEVER win. All you will get is an inordinate amount of hassle and grief.

@LucieStar

I agree with you. I’ve never had anything remotely like that to deal with at my DDs’ primary school. Okay, I only have one good mum friend (DD2’s best friend’s mum), though I do chat with a couple of others. I’ve faced no drama at all, thankfully.

The behaviour described by the OP is just so juvenile! Yes, okay, I get that the hula hoops thing might have been funny at the time, but surely not two years later?? I’d have forgotten about it long before then.

And as for that vile bully, I’m not surprised the OP is as upset as she is. That’s just horrible.

If she'd screamed in my face like that, she wouldn't have a face left

Tell me what you would have done. I'm not being goady or judgmental, I'm genuinely looking for tips. I would have shit myself or been too embarrassed to draw attention to the situation so give me tips just in case I'm ever in this situation. I'd love to stand up to these cretins but don't fancy a beating.

It was a weird thing to do. Of course you will always be the mum who did that. The exaggerated initial response was over the top, but I can see why people would still make a joke of it.

@MintyMabel I think it’s far weirder to leave crisps out with no cling film on when they get soft and disgusting! Poor op was supplying the cling field to try to avoid that when they were opened!

[quote Foxhasbigsocks]@MintyMabel I think it’s far weirder to leave crisps out with no cling film on when they get soft and disgusting! Poor op was supplying the cling field to try to avoid that when they were opened![/quote]
Um it was individual packets of hula hoops.

Op I had a massive issue with some insane mum at school. Honestly as soon as ds left and moved to secondary I didn’t give her a second thought. Even the mums I got on with I don’t keep in touch with really
When secondary comes it all fades into the distance and the bitchy mums find someone else to moan about

[quote Foxhasbigsocks]@MintyMabel I think it’s far weirder to leave crisps out with no cling film on when they get soft and disgusting! Poor op was supplying the cling field to try to avoid that when they were opened![/quote]
Why is this so complicated for you?

They were sealed in individual packs!

There is absolutely no suggestion that the individual packs were going to be opened and pooled.

You’d just buy a big sharing package, if that were the intention.

Kinell. Who gives a shiny shit about the presentation of CRISPS?

This was the worst thing these people could find to bully you over? Then you come to good ole Mumsnet for some of its renowned 'robust' advice, post about your understandable discombobulation about the whole deal of how you hand over the Crisps to the Crisp Police, and PPs on your thread start splitting hairs over Crisp Presentation as well.

[Scratches head] what the ever-loving fuck? Think I'm off for a cup of tea.

OP, YANBU. Of course YANBU.

PPs on your thread start splitting hairs over Crisp Presentation as well.

😂
I actually can't believe the debate about hula hoops being in individual packets versus not, or having cling film over them or not, is still going on (or indeed even started). The issue at hand here is clearly the vile mum and her group of bully friends - who OP is well rid of.

Again the op does not say the "vile" mum is any way shape associatted with the other mum's.
Also op have you considered that they were possibly making fun of the other mum in her ridiculous over reaction to hula hoop gate?

@StarsonaString

Lol at all the well 'ard posters saying what they would do to psycho mum. Easy to say behind a screen but OP (and the others) are right not to confront her. People like that only escalate and you will NEVER win. All you will get is an inordinate amount of hassle and grief.

There's nothing "hard" about it, I've encountered many vile people like OP described growing up on a council estate, you had to stand up for yourself or your life wouldn't be worth living.

They're nothing but bullies who only pick on people they perceive to be weak. Once they realise you're not intimidated by them they never come back for more.

@Cheeeeislifenow

Again the op does not say the "vile" mum is any way shape associatted with the other mum's. Also op have you considered that they were possibly making fun of the other mum in her ridiculous over reaction to hula hoop gate?

Except for the fact that they all share a WhatsApp group and OP recounted the story to one of the other mums after it happened, to be met with more laughter.

Yeah, not associated with her at all.

@PolPotNoodle

Absolutely dying at the fact that *@Mintychocolate* thinks not putting your children's crisps on a plate means they'll grow up to have 'small shitty lives'.

😂