Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:
thecatandthevicar · 19/03/2021 16:02

Blimey,

I would be petrified I chose the wrong school for my kids and would be very worried he's have to stuck with people like that.

Rise above. They are insane. It so doesn't matter either way Confused

You must have fallen onto the worst possible bunch of reverse snobs with a massive chip on their shoulder, it makes absolutely no sense. Who the heck can care and be still on it 25 seconds after seeing the plate.

That's just me, but I would go completely over the top for the next party, buying some gold and silver party bowls or something and laugh at the laziness of the others. They truly are insane.

Makingnumber2 · 19/03/2021 16:04

I think it was really nice of you to make the extra effort for it to look nice and party like for the children. Those women sound like idiots tbh if they banged on about it for so long- clearly nothing better to do or think of.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 19/03/2021 16:04

They must be sorely lacking in any other entertainment if they think that’s funny. It wouldn’t even have registered with me. I realize it’s easy to say, and not so easy to do, but honestly: ignore them. Mute the group, and don’t engage. You don’t need the approval of these people.

namechangemarch21 · 19/03/2021 16:05

I guess the thing is, you told your friend separately to the woman shouting at you. So you had just had an awful traumatic experience, but your friend didn't see the aggression and just heard 'I put a packet of crisps on a plate with cling film on top and got called out for being snobby' and the image it creates is quite funny. Its the kind of thing I could imagine teasing a friend about.

BUT, not if it upset them. I think the problem is tone - its possible that not all of those mums understand the backstory, or that its unwelcome, and think its like an in-joke. Or maybe they really all are terrible. Nothing you could have done would have justified the screaming and swearing, and I guess only you can tell if the other mothers were all piling on or if it was meant in good humour with some of them.

I think it might have been better. to let some know you didn't find it funny than leaving the WhatsApp group, or to just mute it. But its a real shame its causing such stress.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2021 16:10

The irony is you wouldn't get away with that at private school either. It would be all, "excess plastic, oh my gosh".

My advice, avoid idiots. I adopted one mum on the first day who takes no shit and hates most people. We've adopted a few mums who don't fit in or people don't talk to. Now we're the cool clique. Which is odd considering no one wanted to talk to us initially!

Cookiecrumblepie · 19/03/2021 16:11

Honestly do these mum women do anything else during the day?! Who has the time to give a shit about chips on a plate FFS! They sounds like absolute losers. I wouldn’t ignore them, I would tell them that they are boring losers.

CaCaLand · 19/03/2021 16:11

God, yes, the primary school Mum bullies.

It get a lot better in secondary. Hang on in there.

Those bullies actually feel at a loss when they no longer have anyone to bully. I see them sadly meeting up and wonder who they are bitching about these days and how they are managing to exclude others without the school gates/playgrounds to hang out in.

MiaChia · 19/03/2021 16:12

An adult woman ‘flung her head back and screamed’? How massively odd. Does she have mental health issues? Or are you ‘misremembering’?

thecatandthevicar · 19/03/2021 16:13

Anyone who cares about party plates is to be pitied. It's not normal.

You are just unlucky OP.

abricotine · 19/03/2021 16:13

They sound awful OP, don’t blame you at all for how you feel.

Imelda03 · 19/03/2021 16:15

I would have done the same re plates so all children could share.

Re the other mums, it’s highly likely they are followers/wary of shouty mouth mum so of course all laugh when she does and all see it as odd if she does!!! I’d ignore and I would most def not go to any gathering where said group of sheep with shouty mouth leader were in attendance!

You did nothing wrong but unfortunately bullies live to pick on people. Move on and thank God that you don’t have to laugh/smile/agree with shouty mum as part of this group anymore :) you’re free xxx Flowers

StormcloakNord · 19/03/2021 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tooshytoshine · 19/03/2021 16:16

I would take it as warm hearted laughter and an in joke. It means I have to give them less head space, and if they are being twats that is their issue and not mine.

Tbh, I probably would have gently teased for this, if I thought we were friends - if not, I would have ignored it. I would have seen it as a lovely, if not slightly old fashioned, affectation to be so thoughtful as to think how the kids could share.

The shouting woman is separate, she obviously has other stuff going on if a paper plate and some cling film causes such an outburst. And possibly as she hasn't thought beyond bringing crisps, has a lot in her plate or a self absorbed view of the world. She's insecure, is not your problem, ignore her, it wasn't personal etc.

As for leaving from the WhatsApp groups, you were maybe a bit sensitive. Very few people are total arseholes...

StormcloakNord · 19/03/2021 16:17

Erm... wrong thread somehow Confused

CagneyNYPD · 19/03/2021 16:17

It is all a bit strange. But, I would recommend doing one thing. If there is an end of year party, you must make an elaborate hula hoop bag mountain. On a party platter. Complete with little decorative items.

ShutUpAlex · 19/03/2021 16:19

No it really doesn't. Food goes on plates. Clingfilm goes on top to hold it on said plates. You might eat directly off the floor but most people don't. If you want to shit your own life down fo so but being able to eat properly at a table with multiple pieces of cutlery when needed is a skill your dc will need if they want to go anywhere decent

Wtf Grin

BilboBercow · 19/03/2021 16:20

@ShutUpAlex

No it really doesn't. Food goes on plates. Clingfilm goes on top to hold it on said plates. You might eat directly off the floor but most people don't. If you want to shit your own life down fo so but being able to eat properly at a table with multiple pieces of cutlery when needed is a skill your dc will need if they want to go anywhere decent

Wtf Grin

I know I'm howling Grin who eats crisps with cutlery?
thecatandthevicar · 19/03/2021 16:23

I know I'm howling grin who eats crisps with cutlery?

someone who never got taught basic table manners Grin

Who would serve crisps for diner anyway? That poster is having a laugh!

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 19/03/2021 16:24

@CagneyNYPD omg yeeeeeessssssss a hula hoop pyramid. Multiple tiers of hula hoop plates. Tell them you'll bring your specialty.

VladmirsPoutine · 19/03/2021 16:25

How very odd. I can understand one or two comments but to still be banging on about it much later is really rather scraping the bottom of the barrel isn't it. That said, you must have been used to a bit of this nonsense over the years if the kids are now nearing secondary school?

partyatthepalace · 19/03/2021 16:25

The mother who gets violent in the playground sounds delightful... and if that's the general tone of the parenting then I think you are well out of it.

Of course you didn't do anything wrong, sticking packs of crisps under clingfilm is a slightly singular choice so I guess people might have found it mildly funny but I guess violent mum has pumped it up to be a bigger joke. It might have been an option to laugh it off, or it might be that the woman is really a bully with her girl gang.

Anyway - sounds like it's over this year, so move on. Violent mum's kids are not likely to end up in a good place, so you will get the last laugh..

Spillanelle · 19/03/2021 16:27

The first mum is obviously just horrible and aggressive so I wouldn’t put too much stock into what she says or thinks about you, and you certainly shouldn’t be worrying about her reaction several years later.

With the other mums though, it’s really hard to tell whether they were bullying you or whether they were just poking fun and thinking you were in on the joke. I’m leaning towards thinking you were being a bit over sensitive, but it really depends on the way in which they were saying it I guess. I think most people would only poke fun at people they are comfortable with and consider friends, so maybe it was just really a sign that they thought you were part of the group. I think you maybe need to learn to laugh at yourself and not take things so seriously.

Opalfruits2 · 19/03/2021 16:29

Ridiculous situation. Sorry you went through it.
I don’t know how you didn’t turn round and ask her who the fuck she thinks she is calling you the C word. Well, I do, as I imagine you were totally in shock at the behaviour. Not only that, but using it in earshot of other DC in a playground. Good god. I’m fuming for you!

Was no staff member present to witness her language? She should be banned from waiting in the playground itself, if she’s been violent before too. This happened with one of my mum’s friends when I was at primary, she swore at a teacher for making her do P.E with ‘dirty’ clothes from the lost property as she’d forgot her kit and she had to wait on her own outside school from then on 🤷‍♀️

DH is from a traveller background, if this had happened to me he’d be knocking on the door offering the (male) family out. If there were none it’d be sorted in other ways. Fire with fire. This sounds like her language. Not saying this is the right approach...but it helps to have a very assertive partner sometimes when you’re lacking in this dept 🤣 I think I’d be the same as you but raging inside from it still.

She’s got a massive chip on her shoulder. No point taking what kids (flippantly) say personally nor taking it out on you, your poor DD too. This would be rattling around in my head too OP and I want for you to get out of there as soon as possible. I hope you have other friendships away from this woman and those weak willed mums in the playground. Adult bullying springs to mind. Vile vile vile

Pinkclarko · 19/03/2021 16:31

I’d be made up if you put the crisps on a platter. I think they probably meant it as a joke but took it too far and you were already sensitive from the altercation and were looking for a bit of reassurance which wasn’t forthcoming. Really not weird what you did, quite thoughtful in fact. Not sure what you can do about future party-maybe be brave and get involved and if the jokes start up just call them all peasants and get in on the joke Grin good luck and don’t let it ruin your week!

Marvelwife123 · 19/03/2021 16:32

The first mum I completely get why you were upset, it’s rude and very uncalled for!

However the other mums where just messing around and I think they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It was a funny situation to some people and they think it’s banter. I personally would have teased you slightly about it if I knew you enough. If I hardly spoke to you I wouldn’t have said anything.