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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Mintychocolate · 19/03/2021 16:32

@thecatandthevicar

I know I'm howling grin who eats crisps with cutlery?

someone who never got taught basic table manners Grin

Who would serve crisps for diner anyway? That poster is having a laugh!

I didn't mean you eat crisis with cutlery. Is that not obvious? 😮

Someone that thinks sending a plate along with crisps is ridiculous and then bullying the person that did it is likely to be the sort of person who ALSO doesn't have basic table manners. Or indeed any manners.

If some people are proud of that then that's fine but bringing up your children to have small shitty lives isn't something to be proud of any more than never buying them books. It's just basic life skills.

You've got to be pretty thick to make a fuss about this too. Sending snacks to a school on a plate in their packets with cling film is hardly the height of sophistication. What will the bully do when faced with more than one knife or fork? Or will she simply never go anywhere that requires them?

Authenticchicken · 19/03/2021 16:33

OP, the parents in my DDs class were awful and the day I left their bitchy Facebook group was so liberating. You have one more term to go, just grin and bear it. Top tip: I meet my DD down the road from school so never even see them anymore.

WolfHunter · 19/03/2021 16:33

Urgh some of our school mum's can be like this. Fuck knows why. It's crisps and a plate not exactly hilarious. School mum's are weird.

Odile13 · 19/03/2021 16:37

I understand why you’re upset. You tried to do something nice and it’s been used to mock you. Some of it sounds like bullying.

I think all you can do is a combination of ignoring it and laughing it off. Bullies hate it when you don’t give them a reaction.

Mintychocolate · 19/03/2021 16:38

Reverse snobs are far worse than the other kind. It's all a race to the bottom to see who can do things the worst way possible. Step outside of that and do something 'wrong' like use 'big' words or make an effort in anything or wear something that isnt polyester athlesuire wear and they will start. And never stop.

Just make sure her children aren't going to the same secondary school!!!

daretodenim · 19/03/2021 16:39

OP they're being dicks. This is really one of those occasions where it says more about them than you. Who on earth would even notice what someone else brought? And remember?!

I reckon you need to get "juice" next time. Open it. Pour it on a plate. Cling film it. Send it in.

Then they'd have something to talk about! It's your last year. Go out in style I say! 😂

Junipersky · 19/03/2021 16:40

I wouldn't even give them the time of day.
What I would give to have space in my head to worry about hula hoops and clingfilm.

Opalfruits2 · 19/03/2021 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyTear · 19/03/2021 16:41

I thought at first you had opened the packs, put them on a plate and then put clingfilm...

But you wrapped the closed packs in clingfilm? that does seem a bit excessive, you could have sent the multi pack and a separate place in case the teacher wanted to share them out like that...

still i guess it's a class in-joke now and they don't realise they are offending and upseting you

Opticabbage · 19/03/2021 16:43

Come on now, that's not bullying. You're being ridiculously sensitive.

zoemum2006 · 19/03/2021 16:43

You gotta laugh hun. It’s all water off a ducks back. Don’t trust them but life’s a lot easier if you don’t take it too seriously.

CaCaLand · 19/03/2021 16:43

You have done the right thing not being on the social media groups so that they can't get to you that way.
You need to make sure they can't get to you and try to make sure you don't give them space in your head.
If the end-of-school party is organised by school, then just deal directly with the school on what you need to provide. Don't engage with these parents.
If it is an out-of-school then regard it was optional. Personally the rather posh and rich Mum bullies at my DC school were so horrible and bitchy that I didn't go to their end-of-school picnic so they couldn't get to me any more.

FFSFFSFFS · 19/03/2021 16:45

You put them individually so they could be reached more easily and cling filmed them so that they didn't fall off the plate.

Literally nothing amusing about that at all.

Nasty bullies.

cerseii · 19/03/2021 16:46

To clarify; you bought a multipack of hula hoops containing eg 6 individual bags of crisps. You then opened the main packaging and took out the 6 individual bags, placing them on a plate, then wrapped it all up in clingfilm.

If so, why? It’s just unnecessary. Schools will be able to source/provide their own plates. It would have been easier for you to carry if you kept it in the standard retail packaging. The crisps could easily have been displayed on a table by the teacher later on.

I don’t think you have been bullied honestly.

The first mum is aggressive, but I can see why she was annoyed. The way your daughter mentioned it to her son made it seem like they made a faux pas by bringing in the multipack alone. In reality you were just being extra.

I can see why the rest of them found it funny too. Again, I wouldn’t say they bullied you. It’s a little joke at your expense but that’s all. Just roll with it and join in, it was a dumb thing to do after all.

Deathraystare · 19/03/2021 16:46

Did you leave off the parsley garnish???

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/03/2021 16:47

My guess is you showed them all up and they retaliated. It’s easy to forget that parties are meant to be special and a little effort goes a long way especially with kids, when you’re busy with your own life. I think you did a good thing. I bet the kids were excited seeing crisps on a plate laid out like that - it’s different from home and screams party.

Tangledtresses · 19/03/2021 16:47

I bloody hate this... I've been through primary school twice now.,, I avoid them all

I've made a few lovely friends along the way ... but you need a thick skin to get through that shite

I agree they sound awful xx

Opalfruits2 · 19/03/2021 16:48

How is calling OP a snobby Cunt NOT aggressive and bullying in nature? Come on now Wink

Divebar2021 · 19/03/2021 16:48

I don’t recognise this breed of school mum - maybe I’ve been lucky. I think your main mistake was not putting the crisps on the plate but leaving the WhatsApp group and maybe being a bit sensitive about it. The best way of dealing with teasing is to give it right back. “ ordinarily I like my hoola hoops on a silver platter” or “ I’m only shopping at Waitrose because Fortnums were out of stock”.... the actual words are less relevant than the tone. People are much less likely to carry on with a tedious joke like this if they think you’re not bothered.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2021 16:51

Honestly I thought you’d emptied the actual individual packets out hence the cling film, I didn’t realise you’d actually removed the packets from the main bag and then cling filmed the unopened packets onto a plate. 😃

I get why you’re upset, you’re likely embarrassed by it, and it’s the sort of thing folks do find amusing when someone does something weird, but they need to let it go now. Could you maybe explain to one of the tamer ones you’re a bit embarrassed and want the comments to stop? The one who screamed should obviously be more embarrassed.

As else said, let it go, and try to shrug it off when they make jokes about cling filming packets of crisps

Dizzybintess · 19/03/2021 16:52

As a teaching assistant....you saved the staff a job! they would have had to take all the packs and empty them into a bowl themselves!
They sound like nobs!

eggsandwich · 19/03/2021 16:52

Presumably the cling film over the crisps were to stop them falling off the plate as they were being carried so nothing odd there.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2021 16:55

@Dizzybintess

As a teaching assistant....you saved the staff a job! they would have had to take all the packs and empty them into a bowl themselves! They sound like nobs!
Um no. That still needed to be done. If that was the plan. She cling filmed the unopened bags of crisps.
Mellonsprite · 19/03/2021 16:55

If anyone mentions that again I’d just say, ‘oh FFS you’re not still going on about that are you, unbelievable?’
It’s bizarre.

Wondermule · 19/03/2021 16:56

I don’t get why you’re upset, it sounds like banter to me. I would’ve found it funny and replied with photos of M&S fancy crisps or something. You’re being wayyyyy too sensitive, this is not ‘bullying’