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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 19/03/2021 17:17

@Authenticchicken

All the posters telling the OP she needs a sense of humour. She was called a snobby cunt, loudly, in an upsetting incident. She confided in a friend that it had upset her, and was dismissed and laughed at. Since then there has been teasing on whatsapp, whereby she was not in on the joke, she was the joke. What part of any of that is funny? It is not like good friend banter.
Quite, it's bullying, and these women sound like horrible people.
Mintychocolate · 19/03/2021 17:18

@LucieStar

I'm quite shocked at the idea that is banter, too. There have been numerous threads over recent days about how "banter" amongst men that is derogatory in nature towards women should be instantly called out by their peers, as it's perpetuating a misogynistic society. Here we have a woman calling another woman a "snobby cunt" in a school playground. That type of banter is apparently OK? Is that because she's female, I assume?
Yes I agree. We can't say TWANW and some woman got slated when her kid called some kids that were bullying her faggots. But calling someone a snobby cunt loudly in front of everyone is perfectly ok! As is continuing it for weeks/months.
LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:19

There is a big difference between a group of close friends joking around with one another occasionally at the expense of the others than one person being taken the piss out of continuously by people who are not really your friends over something that wasn't overly funny to begin with.

Exactly.

tiredoftiers · 19/03/2021 17:19

Would it have been so bad if the OP hadn't encountered the initial verbal abuse, probably not. I wonder if this is more about this, and the crisps being a trigger to this aggression that you were on the receiving end of.
So no OP I don't think you are being unreasonable, and perhaps if you had explained how this made you feel and challenged them about it at the time would have understood and all would have been stopped.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2021 17:20

@Authenticchicken

All the posters telling the OP she needs a sense of humour. She was called a snobby cunt, loudly, in an upsetting incident. She confided in a friend that it had upset her, and was dismissed and laughed at. Since then there has been teasing on whatsapp, whereby she was not in on the joke, she was the joke. What part of any of that is funny? It is not like good friend banter.
I think everyone agrees the woman who insinuated she was a “snobby cunt” was out of order.

But the rest teasing over it, the op does need to learn to laugh at herself. It’s now a huge thing in her head, she doesn’t speak to any of them ans she’s feeling sick at the thought of the year end party. If she’s just laughed and said “fuck knows what I was thinking” and then joined in any ribbing with “send your crisps and chocolate bars to me for cling filming! ” would have been much better for her.

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:20

@Mintychocolate

And yet, had this been a Dad in the school yard calling OP a snobby cunt... I can only imagine the outrage and cries of how unacceptable that is.

Ohyesiam · 19/03/2021 17:20

Oh the primary parent thing can be such a nightmare.
I think all you can do in life is find your tribe and be civil to everyone else.
I only hang out with people I can be myself with, anything else would range from unsatisfactory to excruciating.

I bet you’re very nice🌺

Notquitesureaboutthis · 19/03/2021 17:21

If they were nice people you would have giggled about it together.

But they're not nice are they. That woman calling you a cunt? Just... wow! Speechless. What a strange and nasty person she is.

Opalfruits2 · 19/03/2021 17:21

@Wondermule

I would’ve posted this and put ‘royal doulton for these?’
For fuck sake hahaha
4cats2kids · 19/03/2021 17:22

You’re a snobby cunt for putting food on a plate? Do they eat off the floor?

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:24

*I think everyone agrees the woman who insinuated she was a “snobby cunt” was out of order.

But the rest teasing over it, the op does need to learn to laugh at herself. It’s now a huge thing in her head, she doesn’t speak to any of them ans she’s feeling sick at the thought of the year end party. If she’s just laughed and said “fuck knows what I was thinking” and then joined in any ribbing with “send your crisps and chocolate bars to me for cling filming! ” would have been much better for her.*

Probably a lot easier to laugh at yourself and endure the teasing when the initial behaviour of one of the mums wasn't so disgusting and offensive, I imagine.

For example- mum laughs at OP in playground and lightly says "why on Earth have you put them on a plate?" with a smile. Others take the piss too. Ok, fair enough, we all laugh.

OP on the receiving end of "snobby cunt" in an aggressive manner, and is expected to continue this joke for months afterwards? Hmmm. No. Not the same.

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:24

Bold fail!

UseOfWeapons · 19/03/2021 17:24

They’re not worth your time or energy, and yes, these women are rude and nasty. YANBU at all.
Being of a contrary mind, I’d go to the end of year party, do exactly the same thing again, and look them in the eye, saying, ‘You all seemed to enjoy this so much the last time, I thought I’d let you experience it again’, although I appreciate that you might not want to, in case it causes distress to your DD.
💐 Sod the lot of them.

EvaporatedHour · 19/03/2021 17:26

I'm shocked at the amount of people blaming OP on here!

Wondermule · 19/03/2021 17:26

Yeah the snobby cunt remark was rude, but it all could’ve been neutralised with a bit of self deprecation. Now she’ll be ‘the woman who flounced out the WhatsApp group because of the crisp jokes’

nimbuscloud · 19/03/2021 17:26

*this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”

😳

Wondermule · 19/03/2021 17:26

@nimbuscloud

*this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”

😳

I don’t think it quite happened like that somehow.
Foxhasbigsocks · 19/03/2021 17:27

I think your presentation was perfect op - wry good idea! They were being daft not you

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:28

@EvaporatedHour

I'm shocked at the amount of people blaming OP on here!
Me too
loveheartss · 19/03/2021 17:29

@Wondermule So in your personal opinion, the OP is lying?

If you think this, why are you bothering to engage with the thread?

7catsandcounting · 19/03/2021 17:29

Don't dread the party. You're stronger than that. There must be something wrong with them to carry on a joke about something so nothingy. You put the crisps on a party plate so they'd look nice for the party. It was a nice thing to do.

Don't let these bitches get you down. They have bigger problems than you. They must have anger issues or be jealous or something. What sort of people are they to do this to someone? It's not even funny.

Don't give these women a second thought. It's so liberating once you stop caring what people think about you. Be free!

EvaporatedHour · 19/03/2021 17:30

@Wondermule

Yeah the snobby cunt remark was rude, but it all could’ve been neutralised with a bit of self deprecation. Now she’ll be ‘the woman who flounced out the WhatsApp group because of the crisp jokes’
No, she'll be the woman that left the WhatsApp group because she was bullied out of it.

And why should she have neutralised the situation by being self deprecating to appease a nasty, aggressive bully? Fuck that!

Thehawki · 19/03/2021 17:30

I mean I’m guessing the idea was the teachers would open the packs and put onto the plate so the crisps don’t go stale being on a plate all day? If so that just makes sense, and I have no idea what is even funny about it. I guess they found it funny crisps being on a plate, but I’ve seen that loads in parties!

Anyway OP they sound like they don’t think it’s mean. Do they know about the lady calling you a cunt? That probably would have put it into perspective at the time for them. I’m guessing they might have actually thought you didn’t mind and that it was just banter. But from your point of view there is no where near the right kind of relationship to be doing that. Either way it will all die down eventually and you will never have to hear about plate-gate again. Just ignore them, they sound very bored (and boring).

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:31

@Wondermule

Yeah the snobby cunt remark was rude, but it all could’ve been neutralised with a bit of self deprecation. Now she’ll be ‘the woman who flounced out the WhatsApp group because of the crisp jokes’

Out of interest would you say the same if a man had called her a snobby cunt? Should she have used self depreciation in that situation too?

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 17:31

*Self-deprecation

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