To still be upset about mum bullies?

[GingerNinjer]

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

@Wondermule

I don’t get why you’re upset, it sounds like banter to me. I would’ve found it funny and replied with photos of M&S fancy crisps or something. You’re being wayyyyy too sensitive, this is not ‘bullying’

Another reason why secondary school will be better for the OP. Teachers at secondary understand that bullies justify what they do as 'banter'.

About bloody crisps though?

Get over it OP

You've given a group of women who apparently have nothing better to do the opportunity to fill their lives griping about crisps and clingfilm... stand tall, be proud that you've filled their empty lives and next time bring in some stunning cheese and pineapple hedgehogs on disposable silver platters - they'll obsess about those for years.

You were right to leave the whatsapp group and not bow to this pathetic playground behaviour.

You got called a C word because you put crisps on a plate? I mean come on. What is wrong with them. Be yourself op put all the damn crisps on all the Damn plates you want. Laugh at how silly they are for caring and get on with your life. If they say anything just say “and why do you care?”

If the person the banter is targeted at is not joining in and laughing too, it is not banter. If this banter goes on for several years, it isn't banter any more either.
Primary school is miserable for a lot of parents and the best thing to do is self-preservation - disengage with the bully Mums and as with any bullies, what they want is a reaction, so by not engaging you are rising above them and they hate that.

That’s exactly the sort of banter I have with my friends, we rip each other mercilessly and it’s hilarious (obviously only about superficial stuff like this).

Mumsnet is so weird, posters complain about any friendship that isn’t polite reciprocal chitter chatter, then wonder why they don’t have ‘deeper’ friendships with anyone.

What a lot of horrors, OP. Sorry you've been so hurt by it. Some people are idiots.

Another reason why secondary school will be better for the OP. Teachers at secondary understand that bullies justify what they do as 'banter'

I think you’ve misunderstood. Thr op isn’t at school? She’s the parent. Not the student?

No teacher is going to get involved with other parents taking rhe piss because she wrapped bags of crisps in clingfilm. She’s a grown up and not at school herself.

@Wondermule

I don’t get why you’re upset, it sounds like banter to me. I would’ve found it funny and replied with photos of M&S fancy crisps or something. You’re being wayyyyy too sensitive, this is not ‘bullying’

A kind and adult response would be to notice that the person is upset and shut up about it, not go on and on with the hilarious banter.

@Wondermule

That’s exactly the sort of banter I have with my friends, we rip each other mercilessly and it’s hilarious (obviously only about superficial stuff like this).

Mumsnet is so weird, posters complain about any friendship that isn’t polite reciprocal chitter chatter, then wonder why they don’t have ‘deeper’ friendships with anyone.

Actually that sounds fun and that is proper banter and you have a good group of friends and nice friendship with them.

This OP isn't in a friendship group with these mums though and one called her the C word and they have mocked her for several years about this one petty issue. It clearly tipped from banter into plain nastiness.

@CreosoteQueen

They are being wee weird. A plate and cling film is a bit odd for packaged crisps, but not so weird for them to still be going on about it. Do you think they’re if the view that it’s an amusing in-joke and just haven’t realised that it upsets you, or are they being deliberately mean?

This.

Still going on about it is just ridiculous.

Upset about crisps?! OP could reclaim the whole incident by laughing at herself, then it would stop being funny and they would’ve moved on to something else. When people take themselves so seriously, people are more inclined to poke a bit of fun at them.

If the person the banter is targeted at is not joining in and laughing too, it is not banter. If this banter goes on for several years, it isn't banter any more either

Sure, but it was months, not even a year, never mind several.

It is the sort of thing most people would take the piss out of, and it’s the sort of thing that would become a standing joke. It’s just sad the op can’t laugh it off and is so hurt by it. I’m sure most of them don’t realise.

Honestly I think she’s just really embarrassed by it.

@Bluntness100

Another reason why secondary school will be better for the OP. Teachers at secondary understand that bullies justify what they do as 'banter'

I think you’ve misunderstood. Thr op isn’t at school? She’s the parent. Not the student?

No teacher is going to get involved with other parents taking rhe piss because she wrapped bags of crisps in clingfilm. She’s a grown up and not at school herself.

Yes, i see I have extrapolated a bit. But what I meant was these parents won't be able to get away with that behaviour any more at secondary, firstly the opportunities won't be there and secondly the atmosphere is different. At secondary the kids do still take food in for end-of-term parties etc, but the teachers aren't going to stand for any mocking of other pupils/parents.

Obviously the first mum is about of order but I think you were massively oversensitive about the other mums poking fun at you and by flouncing out of the WhatsApp group you've made it ten times worse. You need to learn to be able to laugh at yourself.

@Opalfruits2

How is calling OP a snobby Cunt NOT aggressive and bullying in nature? Come on now

Quite! They sound like vile women to me.

I would’ve posted this and put ‘royal doulton for these?’

Sorry, I’ve just read this again

It happened two year ago, everyone found it funny, for months after they made quips about it so the op left thr groups and doesn’t speak to any of them any more.

But she can’t get over it. And now there is a party coming up she’s upset thinking about it

I’d guess it’s highly likely they will be cling filming unopened bags of crisps, because they think it’s funny. Which it is, it’s just the op can’t laugh about it.

I'm quite shocked at the idea that is banter, too. There have been numerous threads over recent days about how "banter" amongst men that is derogatory in nature towards women should be instantly called out by their peers, as it's perpetuating a misogynistic society. Here we have a woman calling another woman a "snobby cunt" in a school playground. That type of banter is apparently OK? Is that because she's female, I assume?

I'm quite shocked at the idea that is banter, too.

About putting cling film on crisps.

This is going to be a classic thread I reckon...

@Wondermule

I'm quite shocked at the idea that is banter, too.

About putting cling film on crisps.

This is going to be a classic thread I reckon...

Completely missing the point.

I don't think anyone thinks what the first mum said is ok or 'banter' but the gentle ribbing on the WhatsApp group really shouldn't be that big a deal. I agonise over stuff like this and overthink things but in this situation I would have joined it and taken the piss out of myself.

All the posters telling the OP she needs a sense of humour. She was called a snobby cunt, loudly, in an upsetting incident. She confided in a friend that it had upset her, and was dismissed and laughed at. Since then there has been teasing on whatsapp, whereby she was not in on the joke, she was the joke. What part of any of that is funny? It is not like good friend banter.

At secondary the kids do still take food in for end-of-term parties etc, but the teachers aren't going to stand for any mocking of other pupils/parents

Honestly this isn’t my experience, teachers don’t get involved with whatever the parents do, and the op going to thr teacher and saying they are ripping the piss, is just going to make it worse, teachers won’t get involved, and even if they did, it would be so so cringe snd a million times worse than the crisp incident to try to get the teacher to get involved.

Teachers get involved with the pupils. They don’t police the parents interactions.

I don't blame you for leaving the group chat OP, it's embarrassing that they are still going on about it. Might of been mildly amusing at the time but to be dragging it on even now is tiresome. Especially if you've not really engaged in the "banter".

Me and my friends do tease each other from time to time but it's not aimed at the same person over the same thing constantly and they are usually laughing too, which you obviously aren't. There is a big difference between a group of close friends joking around with one another occasionally at the expense of the others than one person being taken the piss out of continuously by people who are not really your friends over something that wasn't overly funny to begin with.