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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to get a contextual offer for DS?

248 replies

midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 11:35

Name changed.

DS (17) is having talks from school about applying for university and I have also been looking into the contextual offers. DS wants to apply for a very competitive course, for which the interviews count for a lot. We are a FSM family as I am a carer for ds2, but live in a naice area as I rent a property from a close friend for half the market rental value. From what I have read due to our postcode DS will not get a contextual flag. Ex DH however lives in an area with the worst POLAR score and this would get a flag.

DS will not perform well at the interview, he narrowly missed the ASD criteria when assessed but he very much presents with ASD traits. He is very literal, doesn't expand answers etc and the questions he is likely to be asked in the interview require detailed, thinking outside the box answers.

WIBU to put DS's address on the UCAS as his df's address? If it wasn't for my friend renting me her house then I would nearly 100% be living in a qualifying postcode. This will not qualify him for a contextual offer (as his course does not offer contextual grades) but according to the university sites they will take into consideration lack of preparation/appropriate responses in the interview. DS could even move in with his DF for a period of time so that technically this is true.

Obviously this is lying (although if he moved in it wouldn't be) so I feel very conflicted, but I'm quite sure without this that DS will do well in the interview, no matter how well he is prepped. I have no doubt he can get the required grades and wouldn't even consider this if it wasn't for his difficulties.

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 11:37

without this DS will not* do well in the interview.

OP posts:
ssd · 19/03/2021 11:39

Do whats right for your kid.

Cocomarine · 19/03/2021 11:40

Is there a way for your son to contact admissions with information above his disadvantage at interview himself?

Cocomarine · 19/03/2021 11:41

If it makes you feel any better, a friend’s son got a contextual offer based on his postcode as the area he lives in has pockets of deprivation - but he himself was actually at the local private school which is quite an established name, and expensive.

EileenGC · 19/03/2021 11:43

Would he cope with the course, should he get an offer there? Does the degree and following career also require ‘detailed, thinking outside the box answers’ and do you think he’ll be comfortable with that later on? Is it just the interview that would be an issue for him?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/03/2021 11:45

I suppose it depends on how happy you would be if someone lied and your child didn't get a place due to that lie.

If you think that's fair enough then go for it, if not, then don't do it.

Even though you are paying half the market value of the house, your ds still benefits from living there.

Could you/your son not contact the university and explain first and see what they suggest?

Would he even cope with the course if he can't cope with the interview?

crosspelican · 19/03/2021 11:48

The main worry for me here is whether he would actually be able for/enjoy the course, if he is likely to interview badly for it. Does he have the personality for it, honestly?

What's the course? Is there something he is better suited for? Mathematics, engineering etc?

There's no use lying to get him onto the course when he's not suitable if he's going to have a miserable time on it.

SarahBellam · 19/03/2021 11:49

Would your son genuinely do well on the course? If he would struggle even with the interview are you sure that’s the best place for him?

RabbitToothToothpaste · 19/03/2021 11:50

@midnightorchid would he come under FSM at his Dad's? Or is it just POLAR?

Have either of you been to university or would he be the first?

BigPaperBag · 19/03/2021 11:51

How would you feel if other people did this? Not that great I expect. Don’t do it as it’s very unfair on others.

RabbitToothToothpaste · 19/03/2021 11:52

@BigPaperBag

How would you feel if other people did this? Not that great I expect. Don’t do it as it’s very unfair on others.
As opposed to paying for your child to be in a top school with connections to top universities? The contextual offer is supposed to level the playing field.
finduskrispycreme · 19/03/2021 11:53

One thing I'd wonder is if living at your current address means he's benefited from being in a catchement of a better school. If it hasn't, then I think I'd say go for it (although agree with above posters that maybe the course isn't the one for him if he's going to totally bomb the interview). If he has got into a better school as a result of your current address, I'd think you are being dishonest.

RabbitToothToothpaste · 19/03/2021 11:54

What I mean is that top universities take a huge disproportional number of students from private education compared to state educated.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 19/03/2021 11:54

I agree with PPs. Is the course and future career suitable if that's the interview style?

FinallyHere · 19/03/2021 11:55

He is very literal, doesn't expand answers etc and the questions he is likely to be asked in the interview require detailed, thinking outside the box answers.

The interview will be looking to see whether he is going to be a good match for the course. It would be quite unusual for the interview to cover attributes which are not relevant for the course.

Why is his heart set on the course, is it likely to be a good match fir his skills ?

Yebanksandbraes · 19/03/2021 11:56

I agree with pp, if he doesn't have the ability to answer interview questions then maybe that course wouldn't be right for him. However, if was me I would get in touch with the course admissions tutors at a couple of universities and discuss it with them (the interview and suitability, not the possible address change).

Megan2018 · 19/03/2021 11:58

I work in HE and have worked in admissions. 100% yes to using his Dad’s address.

Nith · 19/03/2021 11:59

Wouldn't it be simpler to ensure that the university has full information about your son's autism and how this will affect him, and ask what reasonable adjustments they will make on that account?

sanfranfibber · 19/03/2021 11:59

Does the course/university in question contextualise based on POLAR? It's not automatic or universal.

honkytonkheroe · 19/03/2021 11:59

My DD got contextual offers from some unis based purely on her school rather than personal address but others needed at least 2 criterias. Does son ever live with your ex?

CovidKingfisher · 19/03/2021 12:01

@finduskrispycreme

One thing I'd wonder is if living at your current address means he's benefited from being in a catchement of a better school. If it hasn't, then I think I'd say go for it (although agree with above posters that maybe the course isn't the one for him if he's going to totally bomb the interview). If he has got into a better school as a result of your current address, I'd think you are being dishonest.
I agree with this. Does he go to a good school because he lives in a 'naice' area? If he does then I think you are not being fair to the millions of kids who go to shite schools but are still intelligent enough to get on a good uni course.
Random789 · 19/03/2021 12:04

Don't lie to get an advantage. It sounds like you've already had your son assessed for ASD and confirmed that he doen't meet the criteria for that -- what about all the unassessed kids that do have ASD. Do you want to compound their disadvantage by giving your son the extra boost of a postcode advantage?

RuthW · 19/03/2021 12:04

It may back fire as you will have to use the people at this new address when working out loan entitlements. Bear this in mind if you earn less than his father.

notalwaysalondoner · 19/03/2021 12:05

I think it’s fair enough - the system is designed to identify need, but it’s just that, a system, and isn’t perfect. Your son sounds like he’d fit the criteria by other standards eg FSM, so I don’t actually think it’s misleading or wrong at all. I’d do it. It would be different if you were super well off and his DF wasn’t and you still wanted to do this (I know people who’ve done this exactly) but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:06

Thank you for the responses. To clarify a few points:

  1. Contextual grade offers are not given, just consideration at interview stage.
  1. His school is a bog standard comp, but to get a contextual flag it has to be in the worst category, which it isn't.
  1. The course is a practical science related one, but very oversubscribed hence the interviews. IMO DS would be fine on the course, it is a straightforward course and career, not one that requires a thinking outside of the box mentality.
  1. Contacting admissions would not help as DS does not have a diagnosis.
  1. Both me and Ex DH have been to uni so that will not help him. The only contextual flag he could get would be to use his df's address.

What would I think if someone else did this? Honestly speaking, not a lot. I don't see it as any more of a leg up that getting a private tutor or going to a private/independent school. As he won't get a contextual grade offer I don't feel he will potentially remove the place from someone else.

OP posts: