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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to get a contextual offer for DS?

248 replies

midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 11:35

Name changed.

DS (17) is having talks from school about applying for university and I have also been looking into the contextual offers. DS wants to apply for a very competitive course, for which the interviews count for a lot. We are a FSM family as I am a carer for ds2, but live in a naice area as I rent a property from a close friend for half the market rental value. From what I have read due to our postcode DS will not get a contextual flag. Ex DH however lives in an area with the worst POLAR score and this would get a flag.

DS will not perform well at the interview, he narrowly missed the ASD criteria when assessed but he very much presents with ASD traits. He is very literal, doesn't expand answers etc and the questions he is likely to be asked in the interview require detailed, thinking outside the box answers.

WIBU to put DS's address on the UCAS as his df's address? If it wasn't for my friend renting me her house then I would nearly 100% be living in a qualifying postcode. This will not qualify him for a contextual offer (as his course does not offer contextual grades) but according to the university sites they will take into consideration lack of preparation/appropriate responses in the interview. DS could even move in with his DF for a period of time so that technically this is true.

Obviously this is lying (although if he moved in it wouldn't be) so I feel very conflicted, but I'm quite sure without this that DS will do well in the interview, no matter how well he is prepped. I have no doubt he can get the required grades and wouldn't even consider this if it wasn't for his difficulties.

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:08

My biggest worry would be being found out and DS being penalized and not able to go to university (not sure if that would happen, but I wouldn't risk it if I thought it could).

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 19/03/2021 12:10

How will he cope with the course though?

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:11

It may back fire as you will have to use the people at this new address when working out loan entitlements. Bear this in mind if you earn less than his father

Why would this be the case? You don't apply for the finance for months after you submit the UCAS so surely it isn't a requirement to use the same address?

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:12

@LagunaBubbles I think he will thrive in the course. It's very hands on which is what suits ds exactly. I have no concerns about how he would cope otherwise I would never encourage him.

OP posts:
Random789 · 19/03/2021 12:15

The more I read this OP the more upset I feel. You are trying to game the system to compensate for the fact that, in your view, your son will not interview well. How can that be fair?

ItsMarch · 19/03/2021 12:17

Won’t the university want to know why the address on his application is different to his college home address? I’m assuming that’s a basic check they would perform?

Stichintime · 19/03/2021 12:21

This sounds like it could get messy.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:21

@Random789 I completely understand what you are saying and I'm conflicted myself. You must be aware though that interviews are not a fair test as such though? Many top schools offer coaching to help prepare students, ds' school does not. I don't have the financial means either to buy this help.

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 19/03/2021 12:22

A tiny white lie that will probably change the trajectory of his entire life. Don’t even think twice.

Get the place.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:23

Won’t the university want to know why the address on his application is different to his college home address? I’m assuming that’s a basic check they would perform?

That's a good point, I'm not sure if the universities do background checks or not? From what I have seen of the UCAS form the pupil is responsible for the application form and the school just write a reference (on the form).

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 19/03/2021 12:23

Just do it. Everybody else is up to all sorts of tricks. I didnt used to approve of deceit. But everyone's at it now.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:25

A tiny white lie that will probably change the trajectory of his entire life

This is why I'm so conflicted. He is so passionate about this subject and this is all he can see himself doing. The interview does not just focus on the career/subject though, which is where he will be disavantaged because of his issues.

OP posts:
seepingweeping · 19/03/2021 12:26

Do it op.

Prepare your son for interview as much as he can. The uni should know he's autistic and have supportive measures in place to accommodate his autism.

Candyfloss99 · 19/03/2021 12:26

The interview is to see if he has the personality to do well in the course, if you think he will do badly at the interview then he clearly doesn't have the required attributes so why would you want him doing the course at all?

Ploughingthrough · 19/03/2021 12:26

People do all sorts to get their kids into good schools: they lie about religion, rent houses, do whatever. It is natural for a parent to want to give their child a leg up. With this in mind, your plan doesn't seem particularly wild to me. If it makes you feel better then move him in with his dad for a while.

You should consider whether this is the right course for him though, if you feel that a lower contextual offer is so vital.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:26

To add, I wouldn't even tell DS that I was doing this, as I'm normally a very honest person Blush.

OP posts:
zzizzer · 19/03/2021 12:26

You say he could move to his dad's. Would that be a serious option (while coming back to stay with you regularly?)

I guess I'm more concerned about him being very literal and honest - I'm autistic and lying like this would make me so nervous.

(There's no way you can do this for or without him either, he's the one who will be going forward either way.)

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2021 12:27

I would totally do this. His father’s address is a legitimate one albeit he’s with you more often. I see no different between paying for your child’s education or tutoring. We all do what we can for our children.

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:27

The uni should know he's autistic and have supportive measures in place to accommodate his autism

He doesn't have autism though, he came away with 'ASD traits', not an ASD diagnosis.

OP posts:
zzizzer · 19/03/2021 12:28

You can't hide this stuff. Surely he would notice when they usually say AAA but suddenly say BBB for him.

FTEngineerM · 19/03/2021 12:29

It’s not deceitful to say he lives with his father who, I’m assuming, has 50% parental rights just as much as you.

If the father was doing the application he’d put his address.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 19/03/2021 12:30

@Random789 my son has a POLAR contextual offer from a top university. It is complete bollocks due to sheer size of the area the POLAR covers.

We live in a very nice house on a very nice large estate, Ds goes to an outstanding sixth form and came from an outstanding school for which this estate is in catchment for. I don't agree that he should have got a contextual offer based on the actual address of where we live. The POLAR takes in one very nice council estate, one very bad reputation council estate and some pockets of deprived areas. I am sure you can appreciate that driving a couple of miles can make a huge difference area wise.

@midnightorchid based on the other criteria, I don't know if FSM would trump POLAR. Statistically those on FSM are less likely to achieve 5 GCSEs grades 9-4 and obviously your child is the exception to that rule. @Megan2018 could you say which carries more weight? POLAR or FSM?

Original poster
midnightorchid · 19/03/2021 12:30

@zzizzer yes he could legitimately move to his dad's and I'd inform the school etc, but i'm hesitant to do this as it could cock up my UC and potentially I'd get behind in the rent.

OP posts:
cosmosontap · 19/03/2021 12:30

I think everyone I know somehow lied. The privileged and the poorest. Just do it, he deserves the opportunity. They won't be handing out the degree for nothing so he will either cope and do well, or won't do well. Not the decision to be made yet.

DO IT.

HollowTalk · 19/03/2021 12:30

But his UCAS address would be your address, wouldn't it? Can the school give him any help on interview techniques?

You say his degree doesn't involve thinking outside the box - I find that hard to imagine, really.