Do 'boyish'-looking girls get harrassed less than other women?

[Echobelly]

Wanted to ask about a theory of mine, as I've wondered about this before. I don't seem to have experienced anything like as much harrassment or worse than most other women - something I've very glad of. I totally believe it is as bad as other women say it is, btw, but I do wonder if I came in for less grief as I was small, flat chested and, during my teens and 20s, the most 'harrassable' ages i suppose, I had cropped short hair. I think maybe I just didn't register on the radar of the sort of bloke who likes to harrass or grope women so they left me alone.

I'm quite prepared that dozens of similar women will report yes, they were harrassed plenty, just interested to find out people's experiences and I need a largish sample to actually look into this!

I don't know, maybe. I have a reasonably feminine body but frizzy hair, glasses, never wore makeup as a teen and exclusively lived in trousers and trainers. Can't remember ever having been harassed, but then I very rarely went out clubbing or similar.

I think there's a perception by the perpetrators of some of these behaviours that women are asking for it/ that they're signalling availability or interest with the way they look and that the harassment is a compliment and should be perceived as such. So maybe looks do come into it to an extent?

I think you have to be a bit careful because appearance is not a binary thing, but I would agree that presentation may make a difference as to how men “read” women.

I am six foot tall and once cut my hair short. I put on flats and really it was liberating. No issues. Long hair and some heels? Yes more problems. Anecdata though

I'm boyish, complete with short hair and boyish clothing. Most men don't even notice me, I think I'm often mistaken for a boy, called pal/mate by a lot of men when trying to get my attention to pass or whatever. I also put out a very "I'm not interested in talking to anyone" vibe. When I was younger and had long hair I would get attention or when I dress up so I definitely think my usual look deters/passes most mens attention

I’m sure it’s more than possible that the way you presented means you’ve had less harassment.

Now that I’m late 40s, I don’t register on men’s radar as I walk down the street.

The change for me - from my teens and 20s, even 30s - to now, when I’m invisible to men, is remarkable.

So clearly ‘they’ (predatory, misogynistic men) do aim their letching, comments, etc, at certain women, and not others.

In a previous thread I suggested it may be worse for those who are 'good looking' but was told off because harassment is about power not attraction. I can imagine some men feeling more entitled to someone they see as good looking though? A woman I know who was seen as very good looking definitely experienced more unwanted attention compared to her more average looking peers. It's not 'asking for it' to be pretty and not the woman's fault and pretty much all women experience some harassment anyway so it clearly isn't always a factor (but I reckon sometimes it is)

I would think so. I'm very feminine and 'attractive' (sorry, that's so cringe!) and I get harassed/chatted up all the time, even when I'm with my young DC 🤢 (I'm early 30s for reference).

I’ve been boyish most of my life and I’ve only been harassed when I’ve dressed or acted more feminine. In my teens if I’d wear tight fitting clothing and do my hair/make up cars would whislt and stop or grab my arse in a pub.

I have a very beautiful friend, she is stunning by almost everyone’s standards and men are disgusting to her. I can see why she’s formed the opinion she has of men generally. It makes me want to vomit the things they say/try on.

I’m 6ft plus tall and built like a brick shit house, I’ve had years of harassment and abuse, both sexual AND relating to my size.

Obviously, if this is the case, it doesn't mean women should all be cutting their hair off and wearing trousers to deter men, or women are attracting the wrong kind of men by looking womanly. But it's interesting that perhaps these neanderthal 'men' may be more drawn to traditional signifiers of 'femininity' eg long hair, breasts.

I think it's not binary. I got loads of hassle when I was younger, I am small, have always had short hair, never really wear skirts, not that bonny, do have a huge rack though. I did get lots of hassle when I was young and have been sexually assaulted.

What I didn't get was the level of attention a pp describes her very good-looking friend getting, but I did get a lot of people telling me their thoughts about my good looking friends and what they'd like to do to them . This lead to lots of awkward conversations with said friends saying 'Oh Nigel is so lovely isn't he?' And me saying 'not exactly...'

However, now I'm old and invisible and life is sweeeeet.

@StormBaby - a tall friend of mine said that most harrassment she's experience has been from men shorter than her....

I certainly haven't had the experience of turning invisible past 40 as I was apparently hardly visible in the first place!

Stormbaby same here! I've often had abuse from.men who seem affronted by my physique, as if I'm being tall AT them somehow. As a teenager I had "lesbian" or similar shouted at me by total strangers in the street on quite a few occasions, just because I am tall and strong-looking, and often dressed in quite a "masculine" way. And also called a slag if I had a skirt on, presumably because my longer-than-average legs were causing offence.

Ha! Yes short inadequate man syndrome is a thing! Been putting up with idiot remarks since 14.

Still the nice thing is you can mostly look over the top of their heads

And yy to it mostly coming from shorter men. I've also had countless experiences of short men I knew being vile to me in a way I'd not seen them behave towards more petite women.

I think short women have it much easier than tall women - men definitely seem to get aggressive about it The worst I get is patronised.

I've had hassle from men of one type or other since I was 14. I'm 49 now, and still get comments shouted at me out of car windows, although it's been a while since I was physically hassled.

A lot of my friends didn't get the same level of trouble, even when we were younger, and I've never been quite sure why. I seem to just attract it.

@TheGoogleMum

In a previous thread I suggested it may be worse for those who are 'good looking' but was told off because harassment is about power not attraction. I can imagine some men feeling more entitled to someone they see as good looking though? A woman I know who was seen as very good looking definitely experienced more unwanted attention compared to her more average looking peers. It's not 'asking for it' to be pretty and not the woman's fault and pretty much all women experience some harassment anyway so it clearly isn't always a factor (but I reckon sometimes it is)

In answer to this quote rather than the original question - I'm quite ugly and I get a reasonable amount of harassment in the form of mocking catcalling. men seem to be offended that I exist and take up space. The last time I had one of these interactions it was because I had the audacity to have stopped a car using a pelican crossing and I was with my then 4 year old son.

Speaking personally, being plain seems to garner less attention. In my teens/twenties I was slender, and have always had an obviously female physique, but I've not had as much unwanted attention as others. I've always dressed fairly conservatively (not that what the woman wears should affect anything), which may have been a factor. I've had long hair throughout. So I assume it's my face...

They get harassed for (supposedly) being lesbians, if my friends who get that sort of harassment are anything to go by.

To which the only acceptable answer is “lucky me”

I have read some people scorn the idea that looks might be an influence. No doubt both ordinary looking and traditionally attractive people have had harassment, but quite a few people say that past a certain age this changes. If this is true then appearance (in some way) must factor in.

It doesn’t mean that we should accept the behaviour - whatever someone is wearing or however ‘attractive’ they are. It would be interesting to gather data on where harassment is most likely to happen and at what times, so that we can target resources into catching perpetrators and gaining enough evidence for convictions.

Rather to my surprise I never got homophobic abuse either, despite often setting off acquaintances' 'gaydar'

I think I'm not/wasn't unattractive, but sort of an acquired taste. Some blokes have found me very attractive, but I'm not the sort to turn heads of most guys. And, as I said, quite happy about that.

No. If you’re a woman you can be harassed. The power is the key. They think subconsciously “can she beat me up?” And if you’re a woman they think you can’t unless you’re very beefy. Strangely they don’t shout sexually it at men ever. Just in case, y’know.

Harassment is not about sex or attraction, it’s about domination and ego.

Attractive women/girls probably get harassed more, but anyone can face it.