Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do 'boyish'-looking girls get harrassed less than other women?

192 replies

Echobelly · 16/03/2021 19:45

Wanted to ask about a theory of mine, as I've wondered about this before. I don't seem to have experienced anything like as much harrassment or worse than most other women - something I've very glad of. I totally believe it is as bad as other women say it is, btw, but I do wonder if I came in for less grief as I was small, flat chested and, during my teens and 20s, the most 'harrassable' ages i suppose, I had cropped short hair. I think maybe I just didn't register on the radar of the sort of bloke who likes to harrass or grope women so they left me alone.

I'm quite prepared that dozens of similar women will report yes, they were harrassed plenty, just interested to find out people's experiences and I need a largish sample to actually look into this!

OP posts:
Baggingarea · 16/03/2021 20:26

I'm by NO MEANS polished or pretty. But I'll make an effort with make up & hair. However I feel like I have only ever been cat called or had problems witj men when I'm make up free and looking like total shit. I guess it's when you don't look exactly like a pin up / their mum or you don't blend in, it offends them.

RhodaDendron · 16/03/2021 20:27

Harassment for me has decreased with age and I would agree with you except that for me it started at 12 and I did not look particularly feminine then. I think it’s more to do with vulnerability than any other element of femininity. I also experienced workplace harassment in my early 20s and my workplace style has always been fairly androgynous.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 16/03/2021 20:27

I’ve been catcalled recently, in my forties, wearing active wear including a cap, while pushing my baby in a stroller.
While younger, I was often out with my good friend who is a model, and she did have it worse. But there are some who just recognise as female at all and go for it.

Fradishes · 16/03/2021 20:29

I was not pretty but had a big bosom from about 13 and it was often commented on and occasionally groped. I was (am!) jealous of women with slim boyish figures, so chic! I always felt a bit trashy and degenerate no matter what I wore. So perhaps it was a combination of the boobs and the inner shame attached that attracted the pervs!

Original poster
Echobelly · 16/03/2021 20:30

Totally agree @CrabPuff - but I think there is also a degree of looking out for obvious markers of 'woman', which is why a less typically 'feminine' woman might come in for less grief (and agree the binary stereotype thing is bollocks, but these sorts of guys aren't thinking about that)

OP posts:
PinkArt · 16/03/2021 20:31

Anecdotal again, but I have a very 'classically female' body - big boobs, hips, bum. My boobs especially get commented on loads. I think it's a body shape that's been sexualised and in a warped mind I'm somehow putting myself out there. When I'm just existing in my body.

Anyonebut · 16/03/2021 20:31

From experience with my friends when we were younger, I definitely think that girls with bigger bra sizes get harassed more.

elsaesmeralda · 16/03/2021 20:31

I'm early 30's and don't get catcalled etc these days, but when I was a teenager it was quite often. And it was really humiliating, walking along the road and some man hanging out a white van saying stuff made me want the ground to swallow me up

LunaHeather · 16/03/2021 20:32

@Echobelly

I think short women have it much easier than tall women - men definitely seem to get aggressive about it Angry The worst I get is patronised.
I think being short makes them see me as an easy target!
FishWithoutABike · 16/03/2021 20:33

I dressed down but was a slim attractive teen. I got a lot of hassle.
I’m old fat and ugly now and never get a second look, it’s the only up side.

BogRollBOGOF · 16/03/2021 20:34

I'm small with small breasts and have had little bother from "casual" street harrassment. A couple of stupid comments when I've been running, although I often run trail which cuts that out that opportunism for large chunks of my route.

A dick-for-brains classmate thought he was really witty calling me "ironing board because he couldn't see bra straps through my school shirt. But generally, I think bustier girls/ women attract more attention.

I have had some very unpleasant experiences, but they've been from aquaintences rather than randomly when out other than "normal range" behaviours in bars/ clubs.

There is the variety of entitled misogenist who seems to take outliers from conventional "beauty" personally. I'd suspect that the abuse from them is more personal and cutting, but less frequent.

PrinceRogersNelson · 16/03/2021 20:35

I’ve wondered this OP. I am small, fairly flat chested and short hair. I get no attention from men really. I was looking out of my bedroom window the other day and saw a younger woman with long hair waking down the street. Men walked past and turned to look and comment at her and I was struck by how I just do not have to deal with that kind of harassment. And never have really.

TipseyTorvey · 16/03/2021 20:36

Was about to say similar to Fish. I was slim, attractive and had big boobs in my teens, 20s and 30s. It never stopped no matter what I did or how I dressed. Now nearly 50 with a bit of apple shaped weight on and I love the invisibility. Not a single man looks at me and its the amazing upside of ageing.

CoffeeandCakeEqualsLove · 16/03/2021 20:50

@Echobelly

I think short women have it much easier than tall women - men definitely seem to get aggressive about it Angry The worst I get is patronised.
Agree with PP that being short seems to make me an "easy target". Because I'm petite I'm very conscious that the majority of men that harass me could very very easily overpower me. It's fucking terrifying.
HamFisted · 16/03/2021 20:52

@Echobelly

I think short women have it much easier than tall women - men definitely seem to get aggressive about it Angry The worst I get is patronised.
I'd rather be tall any day. I've had short dads of kids I teach trying to intimidate me- they come charging up and then sort of slope off looking put out when I stand there calmly looking down at them. I had one occasion where I had to physically stand in front of a child who'd apparently upset this man's kid because he'd come charging up to yell at them. The dad was a bit taller than average, so I didn't tower over him, but being able to look him in the eyes really helped.
Pancake4life · 16/03/2021 20:55

I used to be more boyish and got harassed for being visually identifiable as a lesbian.. got loads of catcalls about what I "needed " to turn me straight and the like..

cerseii · 16/03/2021 20:55

I don’t know why you’d think short women have it easier…men tend to find shorter women more attractive than taller women, and short women are more vulnerable in comparison. Eg self defence classes won’t help a petite women overpower an average male so they’re easier targets

Regardless, it’s not a race to the bottom

apalledandshocked · 16/03/2021 20:57

@TheGoogleMum

In a previous thread I suggested it may be worse for those who are 'good looking' but was told off because harassment is about power not attraction. I can imagine some men feeling more entitled to someone they see as good looking though? A woman I know who was seen as very good looking definitely experienced more unwanted attention compared to her more average looking peers. It's not 'asking for it' to be pretty and not the woman's fault and pretty much all women experience some harassment anyway so it clearly isn't always a factor (but I reckon sometimes it is)
I think its more complicated than being "attractive" or not. I am conventionally not that attractive (I like how I look, but my face is extremely unsymmetrial) I do look quite feminine though and that might be it. But, especially when I was a teenager I looked very young for my age. I had braces and was awkward and frequently had greasy hair with split ends. But I got LOADS of attention from men (not teenager boys). I guess its more related to looking young and/or vulnerable. Which is depressing.
LucieStar · 16/03/2021 20:57

This is interesting.

I commented on the other thread that I've had whistles and catcalls (usually when out running these days as I don't really do many nights out anymore!), but nothing (thankfully) physical- I've never been groped or sexually assaulted or anything like that.

I'm mid 30s, 5'9", slim (size 8), long blonde hair and slightly larger than average boobs for my frame. I've always been this size and shape. In my 20s I used to dress in quite short dresses when I went out too. Have I just been lucky? Possibly.

apalledandshocked · 16/03/2021 20:58

To clarify by the way, by attention I mean hassle/harrasment. Not like, yay, attention.

Crystal90567 · 16/03/2021 20:59

Men harass women they see as stereotypically feminine. I was never harassed by men as a younger woman as I was mannish. I became deliberately more fem in my late 30s for a while, when I found out I liked sex and decided to be more mainstream. And had a lightbulb moment when bfs (I didn't have old photos of me) said of women like former me that they were lesbians / not interested in sex / kissing and so not worth the bother. Genuinely.

I'm now in 40s and defo not harassed, as past it. :(

Male societal sexual attention is only for youngish women who make some reasonable effort to be semi attractive. Whatever they wear. I think its animalistically ingrained, with pinch of showing masc to others.

CoffeeandCakeEqualsLove · 16/03/2021 21:01

Also, I'm small chested and would say averagely attractive. But have had harassing comments yelled at me since I was probably 11yr old. I've had a group of men block my car in a parking lot and surround me when I was 16 trying to get to my after school job at an ice cream shop (NOT an attractive uniform, I promise you that). I've had men grab me up in clubs. I've had men expose themselves to me. I've had a man follow me and push his groin against me, thrusting, on a -not that crowded- train.

I think it's much more about the man and the women that are unfortunate enough to cross their path, than anything to do with the women themselves.

HotPenguin · 16/03/2021 21:01

I wonder if it's about standing out rather than being attractive? Someone who is very tall or very attractive will stand out, but so do other people. A female friend is a wheelchair user. Drunk blokes are almost guaranteed to make some kind of remark to her.

megletsecond · 16/03/2021 21:04

It's an interesting topic. I have only had couple of comments over the years. I had a social life and have been running for 20yrs. I'm slim and don't have breasts though.

LexMitior · 16/03/2021 21:07

I think harassment does have something to do with vulnerability. I had a very nasty time after my mother died, and during that time naturally felt sad and depressed. I was vulnerable. I was very thin too.

During that time whenever I went out, I attracted the attentions of horrible men. Until then literally men had always been pretty decent. But interestingly a very different sort of man presented himself when I looked vulnerable.