Do 'boyish'-looking girls get harrassed less than other women?

[Echobelly]

Wanted to ask about a theory of mine, as I've wondered about this before. I don't seem to have experienced anything like as much harrassment or worse than most other women - something I've very glad of. I totally believe it is as bad as other women say it is, btw, but I do wonder if I came in for less grief as I was small, flat chested and, during my teens and 20s, the most 'harrassable' ages i suppose, I had cropped short hair. I think maybe I just didn't register on the radar of the sort of bloke who likes to harrass or grope women so they left me alone.

I'm quite prepared that dozens of similar women will report yes, they were harrassed plenty, just interested to find out people's experiences and I need a largish sample to actually look into this!

I think it depends on what the harassing man wants to gain from the interaction, but they all seem to have the common characteristic of identifying women to subject to their crap.

Most of the harassment I've had has been whilst I've been running. For some reason it must boost their ego and make them feel powerful and manly to shout abuse from car windows at a woman minding her own business.

Another 6 footer here! I was continually harassed in my teens, 20s and 30s - flashed at, followed home late at night, groped, pressed against on crowded transport, stalked - and I could never figure out why. Once I got kerb crawled while wearing a huge winter coat with my hood up. . . .I am not conventionally attractive, nor particularly feminine, quite a straight rather than curvy figure. I assumed it was because I ‘stood out’ visually due to my height. I’m older now and fairly free of unwanted male attention but feel for those still suffering, it is repugnant behaviour.

the type of men who harass women do it to any women who don't conform to their idea of what a woman should be like. The women they find attractive, they harass for being sexually unavailable to them. The women they don't, they harass for being butch/boyish/a lezzer/ not smiling enough. Its just aggression and misogyny with a slightly different flavour.

Perfectly worded. This makes so much sense.

God it sucks to be a woman sometimes?

Hmmm I'm quite a butch lesbian and I just get homophobia instead.

Another 6 footer with short hair. I have to say I am extremely lucky, at 45, to have never had any trouble. But apparently I'm quite scary in general and look like I'll stand my ground.

Always skinny when younger, no chest, hair above shoulders
I have had full scrote flashing at 11, men mastubating on buses whilst looking at me - penis covered and uncovered on separate occasions, man watching me urinate through air grill on toilet on train about 13, chased/ followied on streets several times, men getting into cabs with me and a couple of times had to run and hide (once behind bins in my own driveway), groped on street and I fled, sort of cuddled and mauled in a workplace so I had to lock myself ina toilet to escape and unable to stay in a swimming pool (late teens) due to such blatant groping that even the male lifeguard came and asked if I was ok
Plus groped by seniors in my profession and when I FINALLY objected, I was told it was 'rights of the squire'
There's probably more if I could be bothered to recall

Yep men, see what being a woman is like...

Oh the groping on street - it was deserted and dark and 2 women later with serious sexual assaults same road

but I would agree that presentation may make a difference as to how men “read” women.

Unfortunately, I think you are right. Both DD and I are not at all curvy, and tend not to attract much attention from the opposite sex.

As a teen I was nearly 17 st, frizzy hair, was really into grunge so had the dirty ripped jeans and doc martins look going for me, and am fairly scary looking - but men still tried it on without my consent. I was once groped on a train and he only stopped when I punched him in the face.

I’m in my 40s now and it still happens but with different scarier types of men. I can defend myself but even I’d struggle if a 6 ft plus copper came after me.

Maybe

I lived about 10 years in a country where women get harassed a lot more than in the UK

I learned not to go out in a skirt AND my hair down, as it was “too much” for me to handle the comments, being touched etc.

In the end I found I had more freedom with my hair in a low ponytail (a high bouncy one attracted attention) a crew neck shirt (never v necked) and loose trousers

But this was in another country

Here it’s a bit like that, if I wear my hair down and summer dress I get the beeping van men shouting stuff

And I’m 50, time it ended

So yes and no. What you wear makes a bit of difference but ultimately all women get harassed I think

I guess its more related to looking young and/or vulnerable. Which is depressing

^

I can vouch for this. I had a mate who was the same age as me (25 at the time), but she honestly looked about 14. Very, very slim, very girlish with a high pitched voice. Dressed young also. The amount of men who hit on her was absolutely disgusting. It was non fucking stop. Coffee shops, on the bus, etc not some Clun. And usually older blokes too, mega sleazy. The usual lines, come see my speed boat or whatever bollocks. Really changed and shaped my opinion of men tbh.

*not some Clun??

Club!

I always feel there is a whole smorgasbord of harassment. It you are particularly pretty they want to take you down a peg or two. Approachable looking, they want to steal your confidence, shy or unconfident looking an easy target. It is nothing to do with you really. They can always find a reason. Over your life, you will be in all groups at some point. But don't worry, there will always be a man who wants to give you the fear.

In terms of being attacked on/taken off the streets an fbi investigator said on a TV programme that the key factor is usually size - as in a shorter, lighter/slimmer woman/girl is easier to over power and pick up/drag away. Looks abd clothes is not a factor so much, it is the opportunity and likelihood of success.

5'9, slim with DD bra size, long hair. Face like an unfortunate bag of spanners though.

Apart from the odd catcall, this harassment from men thing has never been a thing for me, thankfully. It's been a bit odd reading about other women's experiences of having to practically fight men off on a seemingly daily basis, it's just not something I can relate too.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful not to have been pestered but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me question if there was something terribly unappealing about me.

When DD first went to university she was quite crestfallen at not meeting any boys who were interested in her. She has boys who are friends but has had no romantic interest at all. Obviously a year of lockdown hasn't helped.

I am not and have never been pretty and have always dressed in a tomboyish fashion, albeit with long ‘feminine’ hair. I have always attracted male attention - both polite and aggressive. In my 30s I realised with some horror that it was because I tended to exude an air of vulnerability. The more vulnerable I seemed, the more attention I received. Very disturbing.

I now exude a well cultivated air of ‘fuck off’ and am no longer troubled.

I'm 5'8 and have always been very overweight, but I'm pretty and very feminine. I used to get called a "fat bitch" in the UK. Regularly. Men would be very cruel.
When I moved to Paris, I was followed home by men almost on a daily basis (really), groped, wanked at, shoved into a toilet, flashed and pushed across a bus station at night. My boyfriend used to have to come and pick me up from the metro. It was a five-minute walk home but it was like running a fucking gaunlet. I've always considered myself lucky that it wasn't worse. The toilet incident was a close call.
I don't feel particularly traumatised by it. I got used to it. But the idea of it happening to my daughter makes me feel sick.
It's just so weird to me. I don't understand the power dynamic. Why do they do it? Does picking up a woman by following her home ever work? Are we ever turned on by random dick pics? What is it all about? I couldn't imagine wanting to sleep with someone who didn't want to sleep with me. When people say it's about power, I find it really hard to understand. I don't think I can imagine what that need or feeling is. I'd be interested to learn more, but I'm worried I'd just feel hopeless. It does feel like it's too late to change this. I really believe porn is what's driving it. Back in the 90s, Iads used to pass around a PlayBoy. Anyone can now watch a woman being choked and spat on on their phone. For free. I think it's too late.

I've had unwanted attention since the age of 13 and still getting now in my 40s. Even when pushing my children in their prams as babies I have been cat called by men driving past. I find it very intimidating and even more so if I'm out for a night out with friends and men just won't take no for an answer. Pre Covid I was finding that I would get very anxious about about going out with friends, much prefer it now if it's with OH or with other couples as I feel safer.

Interesting - have been talking about this with friends the last few days because I've noticed in the last few years it's tailed off - I am very glad but not totally sure why.

I'm shortish, plump (18-20) and have mad coloured waist length hair, plus I generally dress like a toddler on acid and wear a lot of quite chunky rings.

So far the jury's out on whether the change is a confidence thing as I've hit my mid 30s and am giving out don't fuck with me vibes, or that the poor sad harassing men aren't sure how I'll react because I don't look like a normal person - so they try easier targets instead.

In a previous job where harassment and groping and stalking from members of the public was an accepted norm, judging by all our experiences it definitely wasn't related to looks, age or size - I think it was a power thing as pp have said.

I'm sad it's a thing and grateful it seems to be less for me at the moment - but so angry for past experiences.

I've been harassed since being a child. I was slim with big breasts so yes there could be something in what the op is suggesting. However I will say this, the worst things have happened when I've been dressed down. No make up, hair not done, baggy jeans, jumper and flat shoes. The same is true for my dds. They've suffered more harassment whilst wearing casual gym wear and trainers, no make up and hair tied up.

I was big breasted - 32 E or F. Had long blonde hair. I was tormented by men ALL THE TIME. I dressed in jeans and baggy coats. I didn't make myself obvious but I travelled a lot and often came home late on my own (independent).

I was catcalled and groped from early teens. Followed and harrassed. Assaulted. And yet finding a real boyfriend and partner was not easy at all. Glad I'm old and not on their radar now.

(And yes, a year in Paris it was exactly like 7cats said. )

Yeah, even I got followed around by a bloke in Paris. I was 18 and he wasn't much older so it didn't feel creepy at the time.

I think boobs is a massive factor tbh

I am slimish, blonde and reasonably attractive and I get harassed a fair amount. I have a bit of a baby face and I get two types of harassment. If I'm dressed up I'll get catcalled or wolf whistled type stuff - From a distance. But If I'm not and I'm looking more baby faced I get more aggressive, invading your personal space touching your arse type stuff. Its a different sort and hard to describe.

I think ultimately there's a man out to harass every one of us.