To send my 12 month old to nursery 3 days a week when I’m a SAHM?

[merrynelly]

We are in a very fortunate position financially that I don’t have to work and we can afford nursery fees. I have found being with my beautiful baby all day every day extremely tough. I’m permanently exhausted, lacking sleep and therefore feel I am not doing my best with him.

He is not 12 months yet but I am planning ahead. I would’ve liked him to go to nursery one day a week but the nursery I like does a minimum of 3 days and I read that one day a week is too little time for the child to truly settle in.

I feel awful that in my privileged position I am contemplating sending him to nursery, when I know really he will want to be with me. But I’m just not SAHM material. I fear I will just end up sitting him in front of the TV. In my time off aside from catching up on sleep and chores, I hope to at some point later do a qualification as I do want to get back into the workplace, but that will probably be a few years down the line.

I just wondered if what I am considering is unreasonable, unheard of, terrible parenting and I’m open to all opinions.

Go for it, you can start on that qualification or see if you can find a part time job once you get the hang of the new routine.

I don't think you are awful. I was a stay at home Mother but my tiny went to nursery 2 days a week. Because of where we live - busy road - and the fact that no near neighbours had ankle biters around - going to nursery provided her with companions. I did take her to M&B group, tumble tots and riding but nursery added another dimension.

Someone will come along in a minute and tell you you're being selfish, why have kids if you just want to put them in nursery etc etc But I know how you feel. I work 3 days a week and on the two days off I just feel no sense of what I can be doing with them (or just the baby if the older one is in nursery). Not everyone is cut out to stay home and do loads of crafts, roll on playgroups being open again soon Try it and see, what's the worst that can happen?

Hell yes ! Love a nursery day over here, my child loves a nursery day, keeps people employed- enjoy :)

Do it!! I did and have never regretted it!

Do it, you won't regret it! It doesn't make you a bad mum, ignore anyone that says that.

It's one thing being a SAHM when there are activities for you and your toddler and quite another when you're stuck in all day.

I personally wouldn’t do it. No point giving up work to then use childcare anyway. I’d also not be happy if DH wanted me to finance the whole costs of the household and then wanted me to pay for childcare despite not working.

Playgroups open soon and other activities will return.

Personally I wouldn't not for 3 full days - not unless you were going to get a job/volunteer/study during that time?

I'm the main earner - I'd be resentful/wouldn't be impressed if my other half as a STAHP said he wanted to use a nursery for more than half the week and pay for it to boot (not judging just saying what I'd think of it was me)

I'd wait until things open up and try to go to more groups etc. Will be good for your social life too. I don't think ours benefited from nursery until they were a bit older. Certainly after 3 it came into its own but as mine is old for his year he's now in the final year and has really grown out of it.

Depends if you can afford I’d go for it.

I feel like being a full time SAHM is a huge responsibility. You're fully responsible for all enrichment, experiences and early learning for your child. I find it hard to see how some variety (a few days in nursery) can be anything but a good thing. I felt so relieved when my DS started at the childminder (so I could return to work), because it meant it wasn't all on me and my DH. We had a trained professional as a reference/guide with the added bonus that she's an extra pair of eyes to assess if DS is hitting all his milestones as expected.

The only thing I would say is to be sure your partner is 100% onboard with the plan and doesn't have some un spoken assumptions about what you'll be using your child free time for.

As long as you and your husband are happy with it, then definitely do it!

I’d see if you can find a place that does half days, a few half-days might make for a nice routine with an afternoon nap at home. More generally not what I’d do but if that’s what you want and you’re able to afford it, carry on.

Yanbu.
When I was a sahm I used to send toddler to summer holiday club for a morning or 2 per week.
All the usual groups shut down and I had no family with kids. Too long for her to be with just me... For both of us.

No way, they grow up too fast enjoy the time.

Well I send my DD to nursery two days a week, partly so I can do some freelance work, but also because I thought it would be good for her. A year later I stand by that, she has had so many experiences at nursery she wouldn't have at home.

I think this is fine if your DH is on board but three full days sounds like a lot - is there anywhere near you that offers half days?

I know women that just stay at home, kids in nursery and full time housekeepers. You wouldn’t be the only one out there that does it.

I wish we could have afforded it earlier. I was a SAHM as sent mine at 2.5 years but he definitely would have benefitted from going earlier.

3 days is a nice balance and in the right setting will be really beneficial for him.

I'm pregnant and planning on sending mine a couple of days a week probably when she is one, I think it is really good for them socially and developmentally!
Then I will maybe try find a part time job or re-train - undecided!

Go for it! Alternatively you could do 5 mornings/half days.

I 100% would have done this if I could have afforded it. My youngest is nearly 3 so we can get 30 hours at preschool free from next month. I won't be working while he's there as I can only get evening shifts at my job anyway. I am counting down the days until he starts I ought to use the time to spring clean the house but I will probably spend the first week eating biscuits and watching Netflix 😂

Some people are naturally maternal and absolutely love looking after their small children every day. Some people really struggle with it and really need regular breaks from their children in order to be the best parent they can be. It's just different personalities, nothing at all wrong with either.

Go for it op!

I found two days the sweet spot, but had lots of lovely friends and activities for the other days so aside from the crushing sleep deprivation it was actually a lovely time.
I found a routine of activities, swimming lessons, gymnastics, rhyme time etc really good at avoiding drift. Also, once they can walk confidently and chat they are sooo much more fun. At that point I'd spend money on help around the house and lots of fun activities rather than lots of childcare

Go for it as long as your partner is 100% behind you. I stayed at home with mine for 10 years and was bored out of my skull with the baby stages - there weren't any playgroups in those days and I found it all a bit grim and isolating. I was brought up by nannies and then au pairs so my parenting skills were pretty non-existant. You might decide to retrain or study something new in the time or just enjoy 'you time' and then be full on for the other 4 days. If it doesn't work out you can always change your mind.