To send my 12 month old to nursery 3 days a week when I’m a SAHM?

[merrynelly]

We are in a very fortunate position financially that I don’t have to work and we can afford nursery fees. I have found being with my beautiful baby all day every day extremely tough. I’m permanently exhausted, lacking sleep and therefore feel I am not doing my best with him.

He is not 12 months yet but I am planning ahead. I would’ve liked him to go to nursery one day a week but the nursery I like does a minimum of 3 days and I read that one day a week is too little time for the child to truly settle in.

I feel awful that in my privileged position I am contemplating sending him to nursery, when I know really he will want to be with me. But I’m just not SAHM material. I fear I will just end up sitting him in front of the TV. In my time off aside from catching up on sleep and chores, I hope to at some point later do a qualification as I do want to get back into the workplace, but that will probably be a few years down the line.

I just wondered if what I am considering is unreasonable, unheard of, terrible parenting and I’m open to all opinions.

@Cookiecrumblepie

I wouldn’t do it. I think very young children need to be with their parents, and it’s quite selfish to send them away when you have the option not to. But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure many disagree.

I agree. Poor child. They just want their mum when they are little. If you are at home anyway you've no excuse, there's plenty you can do especially if you are well off, you can join all sorts of sessions and groups.

If you really can't cope with your own baby, why not hire someone in to help you play with them?

If you can afford it, why not. Mine went to preschool 2 mornings a week when I didn't work as I need the head space, if we had had the money they would have gone for 2 full days.

Do what works for your family.

I think it is a very good plan. Go for it!

I'm p/t but did use childcare on my days off from age 3 as the free hours kicked in. I'm tto but still send them to camps etc during the hols

I'd try not to put them in a group care situation before 2 years old, if I could avoid it.

I wouldn't have done it unless I had something constructive to do with my time (work, study, whatever). It's a bit pathetic to send your baby to childcare just because you're tired. Plus I would strongly feel the imbalance with other parent working hard while I did nowt.

under 3 i personally preferred a childminder

I'm very pro nursery, I had one who did go to nursery before 1 and 1 who hasn't been to nursery and I can see how well it benefitted him. Also it helps with the mum guilt that you are 100% responsible for the entertainment of your children at all times (not true!).

However for me personally no. I am usually very motivated but if my mood was low and the kids were at nursery and I had nothing to focus on I would sit an do absolutely nothing all day every day. I need the routine and buzz of work (though thankfully I can arrange my shifts to be at home with the kids 90% of the time. I can understand if you were creative or had hobbies and could focus your time and energy to, I have friends who do art and have made small businesses from that but I fear I would spend all day on my phone.

It’s not justifiable by saying they need to ‘socialise’ at that age. They don’t. The best place for babies is with their primary care giver.
If you want to put them into childcare and have someone else look after your child for you then do it.

I absolutely hate putting my baby in nursery 2 mornings a week but have to due to having to work.
If I was at home I wouldn't send him. They grow up so quickly that I want to be there and cherish all the milestones.
But that's me and it's about what works for you and your family. So what's right for you.

Your life, your child, your circumstances, your choice. Simple!

Do it! You've got the money and when he's settled he will enjoy it loads!

My DD starts nursery when she's 1, and I think I will be so much more engaged with her and plan more exciting days.

Hats off to Sahms, childminders etc it's bloody hard work

Gosh is no wonder so many mothers become so down with all the judgement. This poor mum has probably never experienced what bringing up a baby is like during normal times, having the little joys of seeing your child explore new environments, make new relationships, grasping new concepts at classes or even the commiserating with other new mums over a bad night. Perhaps with a few hours a week break she might find she does actually enjoy motherhood. The last thing I imagined was putting my baby in nursery as I’d loved being at home with him and my older children till the pandemic, even with the tiredness! However given the circumstances giving myself 15 hours break out of a 168 hour week and the opportunities for my little one to experience a different environment and people has made a huge difference.
I’ve had the child who sleeps well, naps for 2 hours in the afternoon and quite happy to entertain themselves well cook dinner, left me with plenty of energy for play etc and yes even in the pandemic wouldn’t have felt we needed it with them.

I don't think you need to feel bad about using childcare of spending money on it. I do think that after a honeymoon period where you enjoy sleep and peace and a tidy house, you might find it boring and isolating to have three days a week on your own with not much to do. You could volunteer to get experience to set you up for the qualification? Childcare is also more fun done in a pack. You might enjoy it more if you find other mums to hang out with.

Mine goes once a week and it did take a long time for him to get used to it (about 5 months). Not sure how easily he‘d have settled of he‘d been going more often. At 1 year old there are no social benefits and although the nursery does organise (jazz hands) fun activitie he much prefers playing with the cars or having a story read to him (exactly what he does at home) than painting pasta shells, and the nursery follow his lead! The more unusual experiences seem to be reserved more for older children. I agree with the previous poster who suggested a few morning sessions and home for lunchtime nap. My DS still struggles to get a decent nap at nursery and I don‘t think that we‘re exceptional in this. My niece goes to a very fancy nursery and they impose a single lunch time nap on all the babies regardless of the normal home routine!

I would try and wait a few more months if you can. Child no.1 started at 13m and child no.2 started later at 18m because of the pandemic and the nursery being shut. I think both benefited from about 18m (so younger than the 2-3 that people reference) but for my eldest It was a means to an end for that initial 6m period and not something I’d choose unless needed.

If you need a break could your husband take some 1:2 days off. You can be much more flexible with annual leave at nursery age compared to school age so try and use it well.

I’d also say as soon as your little one goes to nursery they’ll pick up all the bugs. That is easier to manage when they’re a bit bigger if you have the choice .

My DD at 20 months is running after other children in the supermarket, its insanely hot where I am but we try to make sure DD gets 15 minutes in the park everyday but there are no other children. I know she’s only little but she is sooooo excited when she sees other kids it breaks my heart a little. So yup as soon as nurseries are open here she’s going to start some half days. I’m a SAHM too and I don’t feel guilty at all. It’s been brutal and isolating for the last 18 months and I am burned out she wants to see other children. She will be almost 2 when she starts but i would have probably been ok with her doing 3 half days at 1yrs old.

@Return2thebasic

Whether or not you have the ‘maternal instinct’ is redundant once you have given birth, it is a responsibility to provide care for your child. Children aren’t supposed to be part time responsibilities in my opinion.
For a few short years the child’s needs come first.

[quote Helendee]@Return2thebasic

Whether or not you have the ‘maternal instinct’ is redundant once you have given birth, it is a responsibility to provide care for your child. Children aren’t supposed to be part time responsibilities in my opinion.
For a few short years the child’s needs come first.[/quote]
I don't understand why you have to judge other parents based on your absolute standard. We are all different and grew up in different ways. We could have very different sociological and ethical backgrounds. Why you are being so absolute judging if other parents are being responsible to their children or not is beyond my comprehension.

There are mums who love their children but are not tuned to be in the perfect parental model. They do feel struggling and guilty for not being perfect. I extend my deep sympathy to them. They are trying their best and are not harming their children.

We as women being judged so much by the society isn't enough, but to be judged by other women who finger pointing and saying you are not a responsible parent.

The OP obviously loves her LO. She's posting is already an indicator that she cares. She could well do whatever she feels right for herself. But she went out to reach other mums whom she think more experienced. You do need a mum who feels happy with herself and her life to bring up a mentally healthy child. That's very basic.

@Return2thebasic

I don’t see babies as being a part time responsibility, they are yours to care for until they reach adulthood.
Yes of course everyone needs a break but to put a baby into nursery while you sit around at home doing very little seems very odd to me.

My DD's free hours kick in this Sept. I initially thought she would only be eligible for 15, but then read on and saw that she is actually eligible for 30 because I am on carers allowance.

Do I feel bad about sending her while I am at home? Not on your nelly! My hands are so full with disabled DS outside of school time that while they are born out I may finally be able to get around to jobs like mopping the floors or conditioning my hair.

I think it is a very good idea to send a young child to a nursery part time. However see if you can have a few trial sessions because 3 full days could be a bit much for one so young.

Good luck with that and with your studies.

I just don't understand these kind of threads.
U want to pay to be seperated from your baby??

The collateral damage thats being caused to society by this culture we have of pushing our children away again and again and again is a ticking time bomb.

Sorry but u need to step up and be the parent your child needs you to be.

Already when my son was ten months old, it was very obvious that he was happiest on the days he spent with other children. He started in nursery at one year because I went back to work, but when I was on maternity leave with his little sister he was still in nursery part time four days s week. Otherwise I would have felt like we were abusive towards him. He loved the nursery. Usually had difficulty getting him to stop playing and come home with us. Daughter loved it as well.

When not spend the money for Nursery on things for you and baby to do together instead, like mum and baby swimming lessons, tumble tots etc. It can be very isolating being on your own all day.