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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my 12 month old to nursery 3 days a week when I’m a SAHM?

300 replies

merrynelly · 15/03/2021 15:33

We are in a very fortunate position financially that I don’t have to work and we can afford nursery fees. I have found being with my beautiful baby all day every day extremely tough. I’m permanently exhausted, lacking sleep and therefore feel I am not doing my best with him.

He is not 12 months yet but I am planning ahead. I would’ve liked him to go to nursery one day a week but the nursery I like does a minimum of 3 days and I read that one day a week is too little time for the child to truly settle in.

I feel awful that in my privileged position I am contemplating sending him to nursery, when I know really he will want to be with me. But I’m just not SAHM material. I fear I will just end up sitting him in front of the TV. In my time off aside from catching up on sleep and chores, I hope to at some point later do a qualification as I do want to get back into the workplace, but that will probably be a few years down the line.

I just wondered if what I am considering is unreasonable, unheard of, terrible parenting and I’m open to all opinions.

OP posts:
TheBigBazookasOfBrendaBurgess · 15/03/2021 17:06

I could have afforded it when my DC were little and I was a SAHM, but nothing would have persuaded me to do it.

I'd have missed them being toddlers, and toddlers are the most genius invention ever.

I regret an awful lot of things, especially now I am an unemployable divorcee, but still don't regret having had my children at home with me until they went to school.

itsgettingwierd · 15/03/2021 17:07

Why not? Things aren't how they usually are. There haven't been groups you can take children too and they've not had that chance at exploration and separation.

It's been tough on everyone staying permanently at home with the children.

If you can afford it go for it.

I just wouldn't rule out perhaps looking at what groups will be available and perhaps a gym membership with a crèche as an alternative if you only originally planned 1 day.

Pinkdelight3 · 15/03/2021 17:12

I wasn't SAHM material either so I've no qualms with the 3 days thing, but I find it weird that you don't see yourself doing the qualification or working for ages either. None of my business what you do, but it sounds like you're going to do nothing three days a week and the idle rich element gets my back up a lot more than the kid in nursery thing. Perhaps you've just not said but you do have some more tangible plans than 'at some point'...

Lovaduck74 · 15/03/2021 17:13

If I could have afforded it when mine were small, I would have done it in a heartbeat!

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 15/03/2021 17:14

Do it! Mine is in nursery full time and when I was freelance my workload fluctuated, some weeks I'd work 60 hours, sometimes only 20. In the quiet weeks I loved a day or two off childfree to do stuff.
If you don't like it or it doesn't work out you can always give notice to the nursery and put a different arrangement in place

partyatthepalace · 15/03/2021 17:14

Of course it’s fine - it’s what people do when they go back to work, and you can do that or some training or whatever.

Saying at home isn’t for everyone.

partyatthepalace · 15/03/2021 17:17

@TheBigBazookasOfBrendaBurgess

I could have afforded it when my DC were little and I was a SAHM, but nothing would have persuaded me to do it.

I'd have missed them being toddlers, and toddlers are the most genius invention ever.

I regret an awful lot of things, especially now I am an unemployable divorcee, but still don't regret having had my children at home with me until they went to school.

But - and I am not criticising or questioning your choice at all - isn’t staying at home for so long part of the reason you now feel you are ‘unemployable?’
imanenglishwomaninNY · 15/03/2021 17:19

Mine is going back 2 days a week and I'm a SAHM. Can't wait. He's three and needs the structure/socialisation/stimulation that I just can't provide at the moment!

BillieSpain · 15/03/2021 17:19

Do what you want.
I wouldn't make the same choice though. Hard though it is.

BillieSpain · 15/03/2021 17:20

Oh, a 3 year old definitely. Not under 1.

2021WillBeGreat · 15/03/2021 17:22

I'd say find a nursery where you can do two half days. Three days is a lot when they are little and there is no need to.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/03/2021 17:22

Mine went two mornings a week. The other three week days were our 'day trip' day, music group day, and toddler group day. Weekends were family day. Afternoons were parks, home play etc.

They benefitted from the nursery mornings, but there were lots of other things to do as well. I know it's more restricted at the moment, but hopefully soon there will be other experiences available (swimming, soft play, farms, museums, friends).

I would look for a nursery that allows 2 days.

reluctantbrit · 15/03/2021 17:24

DD started earlier than me going back to work but on a term time contract which basically meant 9am-3.30pm and not. in the school. holidays.

For us that was the best of both worlds, I had free time but she wasn't overwhelmed with a long day.

1/2 year later she moved to full days when I returned to work.

We have no family around (different country to parents) and DH is travelling for business so for us it was worth the expenses to have a happy person/mother/wife.

imanenglishwomaninNY · 15/03/2021 17:25

@BillieSpain

Oh, a 3 year old definitely. Not under 1.
Pretty much how I saw it. 0-3 no point. 3 onwards, they really need it because school is a heartbeat away
Chocsmyfav · 15/03/2021 17:27

This reply has been deleted

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Chocsmyfav · 15/03/2021 17:29

Who don’t you wait till clubs are open? I would regret it as you’ll never get the time back and they aren’t little for long

greeneyedlulu · 15/03/2021 17:29

3 days is a bit much if you're not working, my nursery charge 80 quid a day so I couldn't justify that cost to my partner whilst I'm at home not earning. My little one does do 1 day a week at the moment and she loves it so I get all my chores done that day, food shopping, house clean, errands etc. However if you can afford it and your DH doesn't mind footing the bill, then go for it.

Incogweeto · 15/03/2021 17:36

I wouldn’t have done it for the world.

If you do it, then you may as well qualify and go to work now. I don’t mean this nastily but if your child is in childcare for the majority of the week you’re not a SAHM you’re just unemployed.

Justmoveonin · 15/03/2021 17:40

I’m currently not working and my son goes 2 days a week. He loves the socialisation, he gets to learn new things and meet new people and I get to have two days to clean, do laundry, clear outs, cry and have a midlife crisis in peace. It’s great!

MuddleMoo · 15/03/2021 17:42

@Chocsmyfav

God no way! What’s the point in having a child. I would feel so guilty. Can’t you keep busy in the house with your child?
Do you feel this way about people who send their child to school instead of homeschooling?
Bridget83 · 15/03/2021 17:57

Sounds like a great set up, do it. I think it's good for a child to have a change of scenery and socialise with other kids.

shivawn · 15/03/2021 17:57

@Chocsmyfav

God no way! What’s the point in having a child. I would feel so guilty. Can’t you keep busy in the house with your child?
LOL @ whats the point in having a child.

Personally, I would hate to be a SAHM, it has never ever appealed to me in the slightest. I can only imagine how small my world would become. I have friends and family that have left work to stay at home with children for years on end and its now a struggle to keep a conversation going with them for 10 minutes, their lifes are just about their children. I'll go back to work after my 7 months maternity leave ends but maybe cut my hours down slightly. I'm lucky to have a really busy, varied job that I love. Would you have any interest in going back to work a couple days a week while the child is in nursery, just for your own sanity?

aSofaNearYou · 15/03/2021 18:05

@Chocsmyfav

God no way! What’s the point in having a child. I would feel so guilty. Can’t you keep busy in the house with your child?
It's crazy that people are still saying this rubbish.
peachypetite · 15/03/2021 18:12

Why don’t you work those days?

Flowers24 · 15/03/2021 18:14

Sorry i dont think i was very understanding, being a mum of teens i realise now how precious that time is, but, I totally get it that not everyone enjoys being at home all the time, I was fortunate to work a few days a week and used nursery 2,5 days so had best of both worlds. If you are a happier mum for it, then do it x