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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

350 replies

Kkpab86 · 14/03/2021 08:22

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 14/03/2021 08:23

Imo that's for your DH to do.

Travis1 · 14/03/2021 08:24

In the nicest way possible Mother’s Day is about your children acknowledging you not other people. So your DH should be making you feel special on behalf of your baby and not your in laws.

MsTSwift · 14/03/2021 08:25

Not unreasonable but think your expectations might be abit high. We were so disappointed by dh parents lack of interest in us and our first baby - had to make peace with it or would just upset ourselves.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 14/03/2021 08:25

I don't really understand what you are expecting from them? Do you want them to celebrate you today? Surely it's up to your husband to sort out a card and a gift for you from the baby rather than you all expecting his parents to do it?

MonochromeMinnie · 14/03/2021 08:25

It's only 8 o'clock in the morning, perhaps give them a chance. I haven't messaged my own mother yet and will pop over later today.

whenwillthemadnessend · 14/03/2021 08:26

But your not their mother

It's always the younger generation spoiling the older one. your dh needs to do this for your daughter until she is old enough.

Not your in laws problem.

I wouldn't even expect it.

My in laws never did that for me and neither did my parents tbh other than a passing comment.

saraclara · 14/03/2021 08:26

Mothers day is for the generation above you. What is your DH doing for his mother today?

HazelWong · 14/03/2021 08:26

Are you their mother? If no, then it's not for them to celebrate you on mother's day.

I hope your DH has sent something to his mother who doesn't stop being his mother....

Peace43 · 14/03/2021 08:26

You are being unreasonable. Your DH should get something for his mum and for you as the mother of your child. He will need to do this every year until your kid is old enough to diy

HollyGoLoudly1 · 14/03/2021 08:27

It's DH's job. I have my own parents, and in-laws, but they have never done anything for me for mother's day.

angelopal · 14/03/2021 08:27

Your DH should be doing it. You are the mother of his child so it's up to him to do it until child is old enough to things themselves. He should also be doing something for his mum and not expecting her to do something for you.

wizzler · 14/03/2021 08:27

Agree with Pp. Your Dh should sort out Mother's Day on behalf of your Dc. He should also send card etc to his DM. My pil have never sent me anything for Mother's Day and I wouldn't expect it

BlondehairRedlips · 14/03/2021 08:27

YABU.

PoppityPop · 14/03/2021 08:27

I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s up to your DH to mark Mother’s Day for you, and also for his mum. I have never known any parents or PiLs do this for a daughter/DiL.

rookiemere · 14/03/2021 08:27

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but no I wouldn't expect your ILs to do something on Mother's Day for you, that's down to DH who presumably has also done something for his DM.

It's quite an odd logic to expect that they would tbh.

TheWaif · 14/03/2021 08:28

Its nothing to do with them in afraid. The thought is supposed to come from your child, so it's up to your DH to sort out. I've never heard of parents acknowledging mother's Day to their children, let alone in-laws.

Blimeyoreilly2020 · 14/03/2021 08:28

Yes, I’m sorry but your Mother’s Day is nothing to do with your in laws. Your husband should have got a card for his mother and also sorted out something for you from baby - his parents have nothing to do with it. Sooner he realises that he’s the responsible adult in question rather than expecting his parents to step up for him the better.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 14/03/2021 08:29

YABVU. And actually if anyone is acknowledging mother's day it should be you thanking your MIL (more important that her son does it first and foremost) for her role as a mum to your family. Unless she's rubbish, then don't bother.

But you are not her mum. It's your DHs job to thank you on behalf of the baby.

Stompergirl · 14/03/2021 08:30

YABU

Husband to sort from your DC. Nothing to do with in laws. He should be sorting out something for his own mum too to acknowledge her.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 14/03/2021 08:30

Yabu Your DH should be getting his DM a card and possibly you one from the baby, if not you’ll have to wait until they make you one at school.

WillowSummerSloth · 14/03/2021 08:31

I wouldn't expect my in laws or parents to do anything for me for mother's day. It's the other way round. I will do something for my mum and DH for his mum. DH helps our children to do things for me. Have a lovely day but don't worry about this!

saraclara · 14/03/2021 08:31

I've never heard of parents acknowledging mother's Day to their children, let alone in-laws.

Nor me. You sound incredibly self-centred OP.

BootsieBarnes · 14/03/2021 08:32

That was odd of your DH to bring it up and make you feel bad. Why would he do that?

It's his responsibility in the early years. Sounds like a case of sloping shoulders to me. You should be sad at him not your ILs

Trunkysbun · 14/03/2021 08:33

Gosh you've had a tough time haven't you 🌸 having a baby and losing your mother figure are both huge.

Hopefully your DH will make a huge fuss of you today, I wouldn't expect ILs to get involved in Mother's Day, maybe they would have casually acknowledged it if you could have all got together in person ... but it probably hasn't crossed their minds.

Notonthestairs · 14/03/2021 08:33

YABU.

I agree the thanks is sent up the chain - your DH thanking his mum and doing something on behalf of your child until they can do it for themselves.