In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

[Kkpab86]

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Nobody hates your friends, EasterGuineaPig We're simply pointing out that expecting such things can lead to disappointment. It's perfectly simple.

I don’ expect it at all, and I’m pretty sure my friends don’t, but it’s lovely to receive all the same. I hope the new mum who started this thread is feeling that others out there would like to celebrate with her, even if perhaps closer family members don’t.

It’s widely seen as a day for women to just be a little bit celebrated for all the work they do as a parent throughout the year.

Is it? I must have missed the memo. As did lots of other people, it seems.

When I was growing up, a card was all that was called for, home-made so much the better. Tbh, I’ve always felt that people who sent flowers/bought presents as well were going over the top.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I'm in London too, GappyValley. We don't tend to use Mother's Day to "celebrate each other" in my world. It seems to have made you happy and that's great, but it really isn't the purpose of the day and can obviously lead to upset when people fail to live up to roles that they have no idea have been thrust upon them. As appears to have happened in this case.

I’m pretty sure that the purpose of the day was to give women working in domestic service a day off to spend with their family And it was adopted as a religious holiday to facilitate that.

Beyond those origins, it’s purpose hasn’t been defined, despite the best efforts of greeting card manufacturers

I think if anything, it’s the narrow definition of the day as being something for kids and their mothers only has more capacity for upsetting people.
I remember as a child sending cards and flowers to my childless aunts, and for the last 5+ years, social media has made big mention of the definition of mother to include those who long to be mothers but aren’t. Presumably to reduce how upsetting the day can be when celebrated in the ‘traditional’ sense

I'll go against the grain and say I understand your view point. In my family, mothers day/fathers day has always been a family thing. I buy giftsand cards for my mum, grandma, auntie... And my family sent me cards and flowers this year as I now have a baby. Its nice to celebrate all the mums and dad's in the family even if just a small gesture.

Aware we are in the minority though, my partners family barely celebrate at all x

social media has made big mention of the definition of mother to include those who long to be mothers but aren’t. Presumably to reduce how upsetting the day can be when celebrated in the ‘traditional’ sense
I'm going to sound completely heartless here, but... these makes zero sense to me.
Wishing someone who longs to be a mother a happy Mother's Day would be putting the boot in, to my mind
Mother's Day is for kids and their mothers, however much it upsets anyone who doesn't fall into that definition. It's not unnaturally restrictive at all.

On reflection I'd say your response was coming from the reality of being a mother for the first Mother's Day and not having a mother all at the same time.

You weren't alone i pregnancy or lockdown as you had your H but get you felt totally alone.

You want someone to acknowledge this.

Your in laws aren't the right people. Your H clearly lacks emotional intelligence if he can't see that today is significant.

I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time and are struggling, OP.

But no- the only person who should acknowledge Mothering Sunday for you should be your DC, and while she’s too young, your DH.

Me and my ILs wish each other a happy Mother’s Day on our family WhatsApp group, but that’s it.

there's some serious nasty stuff on this thread - you can disagree with someone without being disagreeable. This is a woman with a relative new born and has been recently bereaved as well as having no living parents. Practice a bit of kindness for goodness sake

"whether the first one should be acknowledged like with a card. "

A car with mum on it from your pil? That would be strange wouldn't it

"We’ve sent both mil and step mil flowers, choccies and card"

Because they are your mothers/mother figures.

I think YABU

I have never heard of a MIL acknowledging a new mum on mothers day.

It normally goes up the chain if that makes sense, so your DH aknowledges his mum, you DH should aknowledge you from your child.

You are being a bit unreasonable IMO, sorry.

I think it would have been a nice touch actually for your in laws to wish the mother of their grandchild a happy first Mother’s Day and acknowledge all your hard work. Especially given all of the circumstances. I tend to wish friends and family who are mothers a happy Mother’s Day. And no, none of them are my mother!

Mothers Day is an up line thing - it's up to your DH to send his Mum a card and maybe a card/gift for new Granny. Your post made me think you are sad OP. I hope this lifts. I miss my Mum, Nana and Grandma terribly on Mother's Day though my DP and kids have loaded me with gifts and cards 🌻

My friends and I wish each other a happy Mother’s Day. But it’s just being polite between female friends. Ultimately it is for the younger generation to thank their mums or main carer. It’s not for MILs to congratulate their DILs. It’s for men to think of the mums.

I think that you probably just view Mother's Day differently to them. You may think it appropriate to celebrate all mothers in your life, whereas they think it's for your own mother. They haven't done anything wrong.

It would be nice if they acknowledged in some way, even if it just that you lost your mother figure recently and became a mum, both of which must be even harder in lockdown

Agree it's your DH's job.

But first mother's day, a lockdown baby, your own parents gone and a recent bereavement - it's no wonder you're feeling emotional today. Don't make your in-laws the scapegoat for that though. Take it easy on yourself today.

Huh? I've never had anything from my in laws on Mother's Day- maybe I should take offence. I've cooked Sunday lunch for MIL on Mother's Day a few times and not received anything from her. How rude!

Child acknowledges parent today.

Expecting inlaws to acknowledge you on Mother's Day is really very strange (and we are a big celebrating occasions family!). I just can't understand your logic at all, why on earth would they!? It probably hasn't crossed their mind, and understandably so.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time but it's your MIL who should be treated by you and your DH. Not the other way round.

It’s a day. Really wish people would get a grip about it .

Yet again the Mil is ‘at fault’. Pointing out the obvious to the OP is not being unkind; how about she shows some kindness and generosity to her Mil.

I hope you have a lovely first Mother’s Day. Such a tough time to be a first time Mum. Please don’t let this spoil your day. Yes it would be lovely but at the same time I think you may find it doesn’t cross their mind, not because they don’t care but because it’s not on their radar, so don’t take it to heart. I hope you’ve been spoilt and had a lovely day.

Hope your DH made it a lovely day for you.

Hope he sent a card to his own mum too.

I'm not sure there is any tradition of MILs giving cards to daughters or daughter-in-laws.