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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

350 replies

Kkpab86 · 14/03/2021 08:22

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 14/03/2021 08:33

I’m sorry for your loss.

Mother Day is about your children thanking you and when your children are young it’s about your DH thanking you on their behalf. It would be weird for your PIL to do/say something for you. Well that’s now, actually it’s about returning to your Mother Church.

legalseagull · 14/03/2021 08:33

Another vote for YABU I'm afraid. Although I'll be gentler than some of the vicious posters above. It's been a crap year to be pregnant and even worse that you've lost a second mother figure to you. I'm so sorry for your lossThanks
It's only natural you want to be recognised and have the excitement of new mother things - but it's really not something the generation above you should be doing for you.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/03/2021 08:33

Your DH can choose to celebrate Mother’s Day with his own mother and most would buy a card from a baby or small child until they make them at school.

I don’t think your MIL should be making a fuss of you, nothing to do with her. Not sure why your DH thinks it’s her responsibility not his.

HikingInTheHills · 14/03/2021 08:33

It would be weird for them to acknowledge it, you are not their mother. I hope however your DH did something for his mum and for you, did he?

4Mongrels · 14/03/2021 08:34

I would find it more strange if they did something for you. That would be treading on your husband’s toes. He does it on behalf of your children until they are old enough to do it in conjunction with him or by themselves.

Racoonworld · 14/03/2021 08:34

It’s my first Mother’s Day too and it has t even crossed Maine that others should be acknowledging it. It’s for your DH/DC to do.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 14/03/2021 08:34

I'm sorry for your loss OP but it's is 100% not the norm for in laws with wish their DIL a Happy Mother's Day.

Flittingaboutagain · 14/03/2021 08:34

Sorry for your loss. You're grieving new mum not self centered that was a nasty comment from the lady upthread.

I hope your DH makes a fuss of you on behalf of the baby.

MrsFin · 14/03/2021 08:35

Mothers' Day is for children to acknowledge their mothers.

I don't get all the "DH didn't get me a card" crap.

Actually, I don't get all the Mothers' Day crap anyway. It's banned from our house. The DCs show me they love me in so many ways, every day. I don't need them to waste their money on over priced, plastic wrapped flowers on one day a year.

Foghead · 14/03/2021 08:35

My in laws are lovely and have never done anything for me for Mother’s Day. It’s not a thing.
We buy mil something and dh sorts something out for me in kids behalf.

SionnachGlic · 14/03/2021 08:35

If I was talking to another Mother on phone today I'd wish Happy Mother's Day but other than that, no. I wouldn"t be specifically ph'ing any Mother except my own. It is for DH to make the fuss & then your kids as they grow up (if you are keen on fuss etc). Presumably he'll acknowledge the day to his own DM also. You've had a loss recently & hopefully your ILs are supportive generally about it & with new baby. And maybeI ILs will surprise you, it's early yet, but I wouldn't be at all bothered if they don't. Some people don't hold too much store by these occasions.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 14/03/2021 08:36

I think it would be nice for your in laws to maybe check in on you today considering your recent loss but it’s your H who should be giving you a card until your child is old enough to sort themselves.
Hope you’re ok.

HappydaysArehere · 14/03/2021 08:36

It is definitely your dh who should be doing this. Your in-laws wouldn’t expect to. Your dh has got the wrong end of the stick and confused you.I expect the in-laws bought your baby something when he was born and will acknowledge birthdays etc but they will only think of their own mothers on Mother’s Day.

Chimoia · 14/03/2021 08:36

DH for his mum. Sounds like he's expecting his mum to do the work for him. But actually I think in the kindest possible way, avoid the trap of expecting. Until she is older just look at her and have a cuddle and pat yourself on the back for being her lovely mum. You don't need validation from outside. I'm sorry you don't have your parents Flowers

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 14/03/2021 08:37

Another one here who's never heard of in-laws or parents acknowledging Mother's Day for their daughter/DIL. Your DH should be doing something for you and for his mum, though.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/03/2021 08:37

I really missed a trick by not having a dc😱 It sounds like second Christmas!
Dang

JoyOrbison · 14/03/2021 08:37

YABU. Your dh acts on behalf of your child(ren) until they are old enough to make own gestures. The Thanks s go up the chain. It has nothing to do with your in laws. Your dh should do something nice for his mum, as it's mother's day. Not your dh mum doing something for you!!

Trunkysbun · 14/03/2021 08:37

Wow!!! This thread has some unkind comments ... I agree she is 'BU' but the op has no mum and has just lost her 'mother figure', have a bit of humanity folks.

yankeedoodlecandy · 14/03/2021 08:38

YABU
Your DH should be celebrating his mother and as your DC is too young to organise anything he will have to organise that too.
What were you expecting from your IL's op that's made you feel upset that you've not got it?

Joeblack066 · 14/03/2021 08:39

Erm no? Your children acknowledge you, and your DH acknowledges his Mum. If your DC is/ are young then DH does it all. If he can’t it’s a poor do. I
It doesn’t go down the generations, it goes up!

Original poster
Kkpab86 · 14/03/2021 08:39

Whoa whoa ladies what’s with all the mean messages? I never said I expected them to make a fuss of me on Mother’s Day, but just asked whether the first one should be acknowledged like with a card. We’ve sent both mil and step mil flowers, choccies and card. It’s my first Mother’s Day but thanks for putting me in my place!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/03/2021 08:39

My mum has never acknowledged Mother’s Day on behalf of my children, I would find it completely weird if my mother in law did it! Or if my mum did it for that matter.

PickAChew · 14/03/2021 08:39

You're not their mother.

Littlepaws18 · 14/03/2021 08:40

This is the role of your husband not your mil

CoolCatTaco · 14/03/2021 08:41

I understand it must be hard as a new mum having lost both parents. It's up to your DH to make a fuss of you on your first Mother's Day though & if he wanted his family involved he should have talked to them and organised something. It's really not their place or responsibility. Are you maybe projecting a bit because of how difficult things have been?