In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

[Kkpab86]

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

It's your DH's job not theirs.

I just this very strange that you have even considered that they should do something. It never even crossed my mind. That's your DHs job

My MIL sent me a text, it was sweet of her and cost her nothing. I wouldn’t have been upset if she hadn’t though. Also my first Mother’s Day

@roarfeckingroarr

saraclara:

"Nor me. You sound incredibly self-centred OP."

Totally unnecessary

As is your post since I apologised to the OP for my misreading and my tone, many pages ago.

@Kkpab86 I don’t think anyone has been mean. Between that and your expectations I’d guess you’re probably an over-sensitive person in general.

That’s not to say that finding it tough isn’t understandable with all of your losses.

I’m not sure why you would think they’d get you a card though? What exactly did your DH say about it?

When you become a Mum, it heightens all the emotions about not having parents of your own anymore, and of course, that compounded by the loss of your dear Aunt, it is bound to be an emotional time.
However we are 14 pages in, and 94% of us agree YABU.
It really isn't your PiL's place to acknowledge Mother's Day.
Your dh should be sending his Mum a card and possibly a treat (and, it seems his Step MiL too, which is lovely), but it isn't Christmas. It isn't a two way thing. It is a day when people think about their own Mother, not for parents generally to start treating their DiLs to things.

" I don’t think anyone has been mean."

I've spotted a few comments that see, unnecessarily cruel and really not in the spirit of support that Mumsnet should have.

It may not be necessarily the place of the inlaws to make a fuss of the OP but as she has given them their first grandchild and they know she has no parents and has lost her aunt it may be a nice thing to do.

I wonder if the 14 pages worth of people jumping on her to make sure the OP is firmly put in her place, might have wondered if they know anyone in the OP's position (or similar) who may have appreciated a small gift or card?

@Kkpab86 Just sending you a big virtual hug. I think it has been a difficult last year for you and I am sorry for your loss. Sadly, I don't think you can expect that from your in-laws although it would've been nice for them to have sent a text or something. But not everyone makes a big deal of it. I hope you are able to enjoy today. x

It should be the other way around in my opinion. I can see why there would be an expectation from them for you to wish her a happy Mother's Day. But not for them to wish you. Hope you have x

sounds like the DH here didnt do anything and is deflecting responsibility to his parents...the OP hasnt returned to the thread to state otherwise. Seems odd that her DH would even suggest it unless he is feeling guilty and doing zilch himself

I can't believe the nerve of your husband! Why is he surprised that his parents didn't get a Mothers Day card for their daughter-in-law? Why on Earth would they? It's nuts. Is he one of those men who expects either his wife or his mother to do everything for him?

I get on with my in laws really well, and they spoil me on birthdays and Christmas. But they don’t do anything for Mother’s Day for me: I’m not their mother! We do buy mother in law a few gifts as she is DHs mother

Er no.

Dh should be sending his mum a card and if you wanted a card from new grandchild to his mum.

@saraclara

I've never heard of parents acknowledging mother's Day to their children, let alone in-laws.

Nor me. You sound incredibly self-centred OP.

I’ve got to say all the women in my family wish each other happy Mother’s Day. So today I’ve whatsApped both my DD and DIL to say ‘happy Mother’s Day you incredible ladies’ and they’ve done the same for me. It’s nice

No its your dh job to do

@Looneytune253

It should be the other way around in my opinion. I can see why there would be an expectation from them for you to wish her a happy Mother's Day. But not for them to wish you. Hope you have x

That is very nasty. What’s your point?

@saraclara

I'm now wondering if my own daughter is aggrieved that I haven't bought her gifts on mother's day since she had my grandchild.

Actually I'm not. She's easy going and lovely. But initially when I read the OP, I did wonder if things had changed in recent years and suddenly we were supposed to recognise down the generations as well as up.

Don't give the greetings cards companies ideas! I can imagine them starting a campaign about how Mothers Day isn't just for your own mum - you should also buy cards and presents for every mother you know!

Today I have (I am very lucky) been wished a happy Mother’s Day by:

My exH (dd’s dad)
Dd (when I reminded her!)
My own mother
The majority of my close girlfriends
My ex partner’s adult son (that one was quite moving, to be honest - was surprised and touched that he thought about me - me and his dad have been apart for well over a year. But he did....)

It’s fine to enjoy (and expect) a bit of affection from others occasionally. Fuck’s sake - what else are we all here for?

I'd agree with the wouldn't expect the IL to send anything, and find it slightly odd that your dh thought they should. Did his grandparents send his parents on MD? If so I can see why he thought they might, but I've never heard of this being a thing before, and I suspect would end up with as many people feeling IL are stepping on their toes as the other way round.

Are you their mother?

No? Then why should they get you anything?

It’s mothers day. Not daughter in laws day.

Did your own dh not get you a present

ive said happy mothers day to my sister so i gues si do acknowledge it with others but maybe morebecause our mum isnt here anymore

Mother's Day if about your child (or partner depending on age) acknowledging the fact that you're their mum. It's not for other people to validate you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I can't imagine why you'd expect anything from them. You say you've sent them items but surely they're from your dh acknowledging his mum.

It’s your DH who needs to organise Mother’s Day for both you and his mum

@GabsAlot P's mum isn't around anymore and neither is her aunt who was a mother figure to her, so again it might be nice if the MILs acknowledged her.

I would find it very strange that a DM wouldn't wish her daughter Happy Mother's Day (if the daughter has children) when they speak today. Not necessarily a card or gift but a verbal acknowledgement she is a mother. So in OP's case it might be nice if the in laws said something to her.

Interesting OP and her DH sent his stepmother a gift, which I am sure many people haven't done today

OP posted this at 8am this morning. Mothers Day had barely started. So it may be that her MIL's have wished her a happy Mother's Day verbally since then.