In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

[Kkpab86]

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

Sorry I just read post above and yes on no account should OP be upset - you are completely ok to hope to celebrate it and make it lovely ! we are all different and for some families it is a really meaningful and special day

I am not sure why your comparing sending MIL and step MIL gifts and cards to your own situation? It’s your DH mum and step mum.... clue is in ‘mum’. Your the DIL so it would be very bizarre to expect them to send something to you. I hope your DH has made an effort on your first Mother’s Day. Sounds like he hasn’t bothered and is redirecting your attention to MIL-

It's for your dh to send his own mother a card. Poor woman deserves not to have her dil pretend he cares.

Yes, YABU.

My kids loved making gifts at nursery and school. I enjoyed seeing their joy and excitement.

I realise it's a few years off but you have all that to come. It's lovely. Getting cards and presents from adults doesn't compare.

That is DH's job. I hope you have a nice Mother's Day.

You are being unreasonable and unrealistic. In your shoes l would have zero expectations

@BlaBlaSmthSmth and @LovelydiscusfishI apologised to OP for my comment prior to your posts. I speed read and got it wrong.

It's up to your DH to celebrate his mum, and send something to her on behalf of the baby too - now she is a grandma.

I don't think it would even have occur to many people that a daughter-in-law would expect something.

In-Laws should have reasonably given you a gift at the birth of the baby, that's all.

Traditionally it's nothing to do with mothers. It was when people returned to their mother church during Lent.

That aside, it's become a day for children to celebrate their mothers or mother-figures. I gave my DM a card and gift yesterday from just me. DH hasn't given his mum anything.

I'd never expect my PIL or even my own mum to acknowledge today with a card. Not even my first one as a mum. As long as it has been acknowledged by your DH, as you child is too young, then that's all that matters.

No card from DC-really-from-DH today, but I got one made at nursery plus a little plant which I planted yesterday outside. But DH did bring me breakfast in bed.

It's about acknowledgement, imo. But only from your DC or partner!

[quote saraclara]**@BlaBlaSmthSmth* and @LovelydiscusfishI* apologised to OP for my comment prior to your posts. I speed read and got it wrong.[/quote]
Sorry, I missed that. X

My DM always gives me a card and gift since I became a mum, and she always gives DH a Father’s Day card and small gift. When my Nan was alive I would always get her a card and gift too, and she would acknowledge my DM too. This is what our side of the family do.

DH’s family don’t. For the first few years I would organise cards from DC for MIL, but I think she thought it was a bit odd as they are very much just acknowledging your own mum, so I stopped.

Mother’s Day can be hard when your DM is no longer with you, and then losing your mother figure too

Would wish me a Happy Mother's Day when I saw MIL as I did her but no not in terms of cards or gifts for me. You say you didn't expect a fuss but then say but you expected a card. Mother's Day only goes up 'the generations' not down

Op, in a similar situation to you and yes I would expect in light of your situation, your in laws to fuss you, send flowers from baby!!

Perhaps the way people think, ie its absolutely nothing to do with them is why we have such high rates if depressed people around?

Kindness, thoughtful.

So you are married to a man who expects women to do all the wife work. So he sees it as his mums job to make a fuss of you. He should be sorting it out until your dc is old enough to do it themselves

Oh and as for birth of baby!! If I had a dil who birthed a precious gc I would be spoiling with flowers, chockates, home made food.. Anything...
. Not a stiff gift for the baby and nothing for the woman whose gone through labour to get it to me

Why do people follow rules, the mils really? Your dil has no family and just lost a mother figure.. You can't feel or show empathy?

Kindness, thoughtful.

This suggests that the OP’s in laws are not being those things. Are they really being unkind and thoughtless because they had no idea the OP would expect them to do something for her on Mother’s Day? I would be gobsmacked if I were the in laws-it simply wouldn’t occur to me that was something I should be doing. I am a kind and thoughtful person.

yes I would expect in light of your situation, your in laws to fuss you, send flowers from baby!!

I would genuinely never think about that

but half the posters on MN would be absolutely outraged and offended by the liberty "how dare they, it's not THEIR baby to send flowers on behalf of"

I wouldn't be outraged, but it's ridiculous and grabby, they are the grand-parents, they have nothing to do with mothers day.

No it's down to your husband and children to spoil you. No one else, sorry.

What has your Dh done to mark Mother’s Day op?

YABVVVU for saying you spent your pregnancy alone! Do you not realise that there are single parents on here who didn't even have the father around from early pregnancy?! That wasn't the case with me but I know plenty for whom it was! Many are on here. One in particular, who also has no family and lives in a women's aid refuge so miles away from friends and all family dead.

What I'm saying is, today is a day to be thankful for what you DO have. What you HAVE had all along. Which is a lot more than some.

Sod your sodding in-laws!

I'm now wondering if my own daughter is aggrieved that I haven't bought her gifts on mother's day since she had my grandchild.

Actually I'm not. She's easy going and lovely. But initially when I read the OP, I did wonder if things had changed in recent years and suddenly we were supposed to recognise down the generations as well as up.

No. Your Dh should. Not your mil. If your mum has passed then obviously you can't to your mum which is a shame.

My son and daughter send me cards, flowers etc. Their children give them mothers' and fathers' day gifts and cards. The only time I've been involved was when my daughter was a single mum and my granddaughter was small, although even then she made cards at nursery.

The other parent (where there is one) should sort it out for, and later with, the children, until they are old enough to do it themselves. Its not about spending money, just a little bit of effort to show appreciation.

@beyondtheshoe

yes I would expect in light of your situation, your in laws to fuss you, send flowers from baby!!

I would genuinely never think about that

but half the posters on MN would be absolutely outraged and offended by the liberty "how dare they, it's not THEIR baby to send flowers on behalf of"

I wouldn't be outraged, but it's ridiculous and grabby, they are the grand-parents, they have nothing to do with mothers day.

Oh Jeeeze yes! People would go nuts here about in-laws talking the liberty of buying on behalf of THEIR child

Your husband should be making a big fuss of you, I’m not sure why he would expect his parents to do anything.

It’s not for grandparents to do anything for Mother’s Day unless you were a single parent and then grandparents would organise a card and gift for the child to give.