Page 5 | How do I tell my best friend that I'm moving to York

imanenglishwomaninNY · 2021-03-13T19:07:08+00:00

I've put it off for ages, we're going to be moving in less than 6 months now. Text, phone call or (sd) face to face?

pasturesgreen · 14/03/2021 08:29

I'm saying it gently, but could you be overestimating the impact your news will have on her? If it were my best friend, I'd be happy and excited for her and honestly not upset: you're moving a 2 hrs, very convenient train ride away, not halfway across the world!
But please tell her asap as the move is fast approaching and she'll be wondering why you took so long to tell her.

Lubiluxe · 14/03/2021 08:30

To confirm is this London to York (England) or London to New York? I'm confused due to your username!

If you're staying in England then she surely won't be too upset?

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 08:46

@VintageStitchers

I knew you’d be moving from London up to the big bad scary North.

If it was the other way round, no-one would be bothered as they’d be focussing on travel times; motorway, train etc.

But to leave shiny perfect London for the grimy North? What a brave move!

What are you on about?

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/03/2021 09:06

I'd be happy and excited for her and honestly not upset: you're moving a 2 hrs, very convenient train ride away,

I must say I would be upset, if it was a friend I was used to seeing every week. 2 hours is long if you have children, and it costs money, and when you add the travel at each end....it really isn't convenient at all. Having local friends is wonderful, and it is a real loss when they move away.

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 09:12

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I'd be happy and excited for her and honestly not upset: you're moving a 2 hrs, very convenient train ride away,

I must say I would be upset, if it was a friend I was used to seeing every week. 2 hours is long if you have children, and it costs money, and when you add the travel at each end....it really isn't convenient at all. Having local friends is wonderful, and it is a real loss when they move away.

The dynamic will certainly change

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/03/2021 09:20

The dynamic will certainly change

Of course, because everything will have to be planned now. You can't just text each other and say "It's turned sunny! Do you want to go for a power walk and cake?" and meet 10 mins later.

LudoTrouble · 14/03/2021 12:27

I don't think that there's anything especially noble about telling her in person or on the phone. Text is fine and gives her space to gather her thoughts before responding.

You could say, 'Hey I've got some big news.. should I call or do you want it over WhatsApp?" Then she can call if she's that kind of person.

The first thing she'll say is 'when did you decide this' or 'how long have you known' and you'll feel worse the longer you leave it. Just do it.

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 13:10

Perhaps I'll text tomorrow. Not today considering that it's Mother's Day

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Jamboree01 · 14/03/2021 13:48

You’re all heart 😂

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 14:11

@Jamboree01

You’re all heart 😂

You've made a couple of sarcastic posts now, what's the problem?

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ilovesooty · 14/03/2021 14:26

If you met up for a walk not that long ago I don't see why you can't meet up with her to tell her. Texting the news doesn't seem very pleasant to me.

WildfirePonie · 14/03/2021 14:35

This thread is so weird! Is Vintage the friend? Are you moving to NY or York? Can we get an answer to this Q at least?

fluffydinosaur · 14/03/2021 14:46

Maybe over the next week, tell her that you are seriously looking at moving now, talk about the reasons, prepare her that it is probably going to happen.(could do that over text if you text a lot) And then in a few weeks, meet for a walk and tell her its confirmed

viques · 14/03/2021 14:52

I think not saying anything for so long means the situation has grown into something bigger than it ever needed to OP. It’s time for the big girl pants to come out now.

I think the only way you can deal with it now is by telling her that you have been dreading sharing the news but the fact is you are moving to York. In fairness to your friend I think you should do it face to face, maybe another trip to the park is called for.

viques · 14/03/2021 14:55

And bear in mind, there are far worse things that you could be having to tell her, in the grand scheme of things moving to York comes pretty low down.

darefullyciverse · 14/03/2021 15:05

I can't quite envisage how this comes as a bolt from the blue. When friends have moved away I've always known way ahead of time as they'd have told me they were thinking about it/had applied for a job in X/sent me links to houses/discussed pros and cons etc.

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 15:15

@darefullyciverse

I can't quite envisage how this comes as a bolt from the blue. When friends have moved away I've always known way ahead of time as they'd have told me they were thinking about it/had applied for a job in X/sent me links to houses/discussed pros and cons etc.

Well I've downplayed the idea that we'd ever have to move. But we do actually have to move now..

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Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 14/03/2021 15:23

@WildfirePonie

This thread is so weird! Is Vintage the friend? Are you moving to NY or York? Can we get an answer to this Q at least?

I should never post at the weekend. It always turns very odd

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MummyJ12 · 14/03/2021 15:55

If you are moving to York (rather than New York) then congratulations! It’s fabulous here. Make a reservation at Skosh now (you’ll probably get a table in or around November for a weekend evening) and tell her you’ve already made plans for one of the times she comes to visit. It’ll be quality time rather than quantity but she gets to visit York and you. Brucie Bonus. It really is the most wonderful place to live. She’ll forgive you as soon as she’s had her first visit and will probably want to move here too (if she can afford the astronomical house prices.)

Diptyque · 14/03/2021 15:58

Invite your friend for the weekend. There is a direct train, restaurants and shops and things to do and everything.

Jamboree01 · 14/03/2021 16:15

I’m not the only one- and there have been far worse than mine tbh.

What’s the problem? I don’t know. Why can’t you just tell her? You don’t seem to be that close to her judging by your posts but you seem to want her to be heartbroken at your leaving.

As a few posters have said, good friends just want to see their friends be happy so I’m not sure what this is all about the.

Jamboree01 · 14/03/2021 16:16

This

CaptainVanesHair · 14/03/2021 16:43

It will be ok. If she’s upset, it’s human nature, but it will be ok. I’ve had best friends move to Brazil and New Zealand. Of course I was upset because I knew I’d miss them but I just thought how brilliant for them. Their happiness is more important than anything else.

Snog · 14/03/2021 16:56

This is hard in COVID times as ideally I'd like to hear the news face to face.
I'd definitely be gutted, and probably cry, but at the same time I'd be genuinely happy for you if it's what you want.

I think it's much harder to be the friend left behind than the one moving away. Do you have plans on how you would like to maintain the friendship, assuming you want to? I would share these with your friend when you tell her.

clpsmum · 14/03/2021 17:01

Is she really your best friend if you feel like calling her is an ambush???

Just tell her she's a grown up and worse things will happen to her in life than her fit and healthy friend moving away