How do I tell my best friend that I'm moving to York

[imanenglishwomaninNY]

I've put it off for ages, we're going to be moving in less than 6 months now.

Text, phone call or (sd) face to face?

Yeah sure. Apart from the fact she'll be upset

She doesn’t have a partner

Why bother asking if you’re just going to shut down every suggestion? You could be more gracious.

Ring her or arrange to meet for a walk and tell her. She will miss you but now you have lots of long weekends to look forward to, post covid!

It will all be over in a few minutes and then you can be open about move, what's happening in your life.

I'm from Yorkshire and now live in London. It's only 2.5hrs on the train. My mum sometimes just comes down for the day.

Why are you this bothered?

If she’s such a good friend how can this be a shock to her? You’ve surely mentioned the things that have precipitated this move?

If you haven’t, I think you may want to rethink what your friendship really is. Of course a good friend is going to miss you if you move, but they should also be happy for you and excited about a new opportunity in your life (or concerned and supportive if it’s a move you’d rather not make). It’s not your responsibility to live your life to ensure her happiness and if she acts as though it is you should consider distancing yourself, because that’s really not healthy for either of you.

London to York is only one hour 50 mins. I do it loads of times- up and down in a day.

@WonkyCactus

When I told my best friend I was moving, it went something like this: Me: Hey, guess what? I've got a new job and I'm moving to [new city]. Her: Ace, well done! Fancy a glass of wine?

This

I think you're making it unnecessarily complicated, pick up the phone and tell her on a call.

Can’t understand why this needs a thread. I’d send a WhatsApp saying ‘oh got some news- because of new jobs/wanting to be closer to family/lifestyle change we are moving to york in 6 months.’ Simple enough...

@daisypond

London to York is only one hour 50 mins. I do it loads of times- up and down in a day.

Yep, very easy with direct train from Kings Cross.

I love York, so beautiful. 💕

Ask to meet for a,walk (if ye are allowed in your area) & just tell her.....if it's for a new job or just a goal achieved, she'll be happy for you. She can visit, it'll now be sleepovers & lots of nice bubbly...fun! It's no big deal, people move away...doesn't mean you can't still be great friends & share all the big moments...!

Made the same move about 25 years ago and closest friends then are still good friends now.

Distance felt much further before I moved because I'd always lived in the south. Now I think nothing of popping to London for the day to meet friends for lunch (temporarily on hold for Covid).

Make sure you let her know you will miss her and that you hope for lots of visits both ways.

Could you meet one on one for a walk and tell her then? I think that would be kindest if you think she'll be really upset

I moved away from my best mate. I told her face to face before we told anyone else. She was thrilled for us although sad we would be further away. 13 years on we are still best friends. It made no difference to our relationship.

Sorry OP what’s your friends issue with York?

I think we need more info

I’d text but then I’m a lazy wimp too. I also think you might catch her off guard so maybe a text worded like let me know when you have time for a meet up as I’ve recently found out I’m moving due to job and I’m going to really miss you so I’d love to meet up and talk about it in person - obviously in a better way than I’ve put it

York is so easy to get to from London, I used to travel on that route regularly. It will be easy to see each other, though admittedly in practice it won’t happen as often as you’d both like it to.

Personally, I’d be happy to to hear the news by text, and then arrange to meet up to celebrate your new job.

What on earth is this monomania about upsetting 'Best Friends'? Life changes and we sometimes move houses or cities or even countries... Any 'friend' who is going to go ballistic because you've dared to travel out of popping round for a cup of coffee distance isn't a friend, they're a clinging vine.

As with all everything, context is key. None of my best friends (in fact none of my friends) live in the same place as me, they're a random bunch collected from school/uni/various workplaces over the years so news like this would be, just news, with no impact on daily life.

However, if it will affect your friendship ie because you've always lived in same town/do a lot of things together, could you text and say you have big news and would like a phone call/video call? Obviously with lockdown this is the next best thing!

It might be a shock but it shouldn't affect your friendship, you'll just have to be proactive about seeing each other if you want to.

@QueenOfLabradors Is it "monomania" or just perhaps in this case an awareness that OP might be part of her single parent friend's support structure, and that covid, has, frankly, taken a lot out of all of us. Her friend might be a bit sad about, is all. Nothing wrong with being sensitive to that, surely?

Face to face.
And just be ready with positives if she is upset - ie. it's only 2 hours by train and it's a good line. It's a lovely city. She can come up for weekends with the children etc.

I went to university in York and absolutely loved the city. Almost moved back there again a few years later but ended up in Central Europe instead!
When I was living in York I had loads of friends and relatives come to visit as they loved the city too.

For whatever reasons we haven't chatted on the phone for a while, maybe distance brought on by lockdown etc. I think I'm probably going to take the easy route and text. I'm a massive lazy wimp

Tbh, you can't be that close if you haven't even spoken to her recently? I'm sure she'll cope with the news. It's not that far anyway.

I would be sad if a close friend was moving that far. It has happened a lot as people get priced out of London, or want to move closer to family. In every case I've been aware that it was on the cards long before it became a concrete plan - I presume this is the case here too, in which case she will be disappointed but put a brave face on it.

No need to sugar coat it, just be sure she hears it from you, not other friends talking.

She's your best friend. Tell her face to face! My Estonian BF moved from the UK to the US in Dec 2019. I was sad when she told and cried like a baby the last time we hugged before she left, but i support all of her decisions unconditionally. I miss her squishy hugs everyday though!

Some people are calling out other advice (that made me laugh) but this one is as cold as ice! If you don’t like your best friend, send her this one via text message or email

Don't you talk to each other about your lives ? If you are great friends, surely you would have told her about such a big change in your life . If you haven't, maybe your friendship is on the wane.