How do I tell my best friend that I'm moving to York

[imanenglishwomaninNY]

I've put it off for ages, we're going to be moving in less than 6 months now.

Text, phone call or (sd) face to face?

I think she’ll survive given your attitude towards her

Bloody hell I though you meant New York!
That would be a long way, my best friend of 25yrs moved back to England from Australia a couple of years ago for family reasons. I was devastated, she was the closest thing to family I had here but I was pleased for her choice and we are in touch a couple of times a week, still one another's go to if there are any real problems.

I'm sure she will be sad but pleased at this exciting new chapter in your life, and now has a good excuse to visit York more often which is beautiful.

Just call her,

@Lockheart

"I'm moving to York" would probably cover it.

this.

in a conversation, rather than a text.
what;s the drama FFS?

Have you told your friend yet?

Meet her for a walk

[quote Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]@QueenOfLabradors Is it "monomania" or just perhaps in this case an awareness that OP might be part of her single parent friend's support structure, and that covid, has, frankly, taken a lot out of all of us. Her friend might be a bit sad about, is all. Nothing wrong with being sensitive to that, surely?[/quote]
Exactly this

@AlexaShutUp

For whatever reasons we haven't chatted on the phone for a while, maybe distance brought on by lockdown etc. I think I'm probably going to take the easy route and text. I'm a massive lazy wimp

Tbh, you can't be that close if you haven't even spoken to her recently? I'm sure she'll cope with the news. It's not that far anyway.

We text multiple times a day, every day. We did meet in the park a week ago.

Just haven't spoken on the phone for a while. Tbh I hate speaking on the phone with anyone!

@starrynight21

Don't you talk to each other about your lives ? If you are great friends, surely you would have told her about such a big change in your life . If you haven't, maybe your friendship is on the wane.

Ive always said it's a risk that we may have to move up north. Her reaction hasn't been great so I've completely avoided the subject since

@Jamboree01

I think she’ll survive given your attitude towards her

?

But, COVID aside, if you never actually talk on the phone and only message, and you think your relocation will be a total bolt from the blue rather than something you’ve talked about, surely that suggests you’re no longer particularly close, and therefore not very upsetting to her?

Tell her you can't wait to take the dc to the train museum. And you can go to the east coast for days out, and there are lots of amazing places to see when she visits.
Sell it to her as a fabulous holiday venue.

Agree with others you can't be that good friends if you can't discuss your life plans together so much that she would be shocked by this news. London to York is not the ends of the earth.

Have a face to face conversation if she /the friendship means that much to you.

If the move is 6 months away... could you ease her into the idea by saying you’re looking at houses up there type thing?

Face to face seems the best way given you do not like a phone call. Text seems cowardly if you think it will be seen as bad news.

Think about when your friend can visit, things you will be able to do when that happens.

Meet her for a walk and tell her face to face. You can’t tell someone’s reaction by text .Don’t take the easy way out if you value the friendship. Explain why you are moving and that you can still be in regular contact and how easy it is to visit.

Blimey, the lack of empathy mumsnet has towards your dilemma is surprising.
I get it. I have friends who are single with a tiny social circle who become emotionally dependent.
In your shoes OP I would introduce the topic over a few stages. E.g. job search,house search etc.
Sounds hard to me.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Blimey, the lack of empathy mumsnet has towards your dilemma is surprising. I get it. I have friends who are single with a tiny social circle who become emotionally dependent. In your shoes OP I would introduce the topic over a few stages. E.g. job search,house search etc. Sounds hard to me.

Exactly...

We don't chat on the phone but literally text all day everyday and before covid would meet up weekly.

I have a similar relationship with my closest friends - we’re on WhatsApp all day but rarely call each other.

I’ve moved thousands of miles away, several times and I announced it by picking up the phone or sending a message ‘guess what, I’m moving to X’. But, the possibility had been discussed for months beforehand, so they were aware it could happen. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it face to face as they might be forced to hide their emotions, unless it’s something you were both rooting for.

One move in particular was extremely hard on two of us, and what really helped was making plans on how/when we could visit each other. Looking at cheap flights and planning some dates for a few weeks after the move, really helped with not feeling like it was the end of the world. I don’t know when you’re moving, but you could say to her ‘oh, we’ll have to move at the end of August but how about you and the kids come up for October half term, and I’ll be down in London on X date for a conference/meeting/shopping day...’. Most of our plans didn’t happen but it was good to know we still couldn’t wait to see each other again.

Good luck OP. It’s extremely hard parting from good friends. My advice is don’t be too hard on each other and allow her to grieve the idea of losing you first. You might be feeling all excited at the prospect of new house/job/school, but it might take her some weeks/months to be able to discuss it all positively with you.

My friend moved to Australia. She told me face to face. I was excited for her and sad too. I’d phone off you can’t meet for a walk.

If

I knew you’d be moving from London up to the big bad scary North.

If it was the other way round, no-one would be bothered as they’d be focussing on travel times; motorway, train etc.

But to leave shiny perfect London for the grimy North? What a brave move!

I get it OP. If my best friend was moving that far away I’d want to be told sensitively. Not via a one line text as posters seem to be advocating, some people clearly have no close friends.

My BF moved 150 miles away last month. I'm sad not to have her nearby but if we are properly friends not just two people who live close to one another the friendship will continue.

One thing that helped was that I knew it was coming. The move had been a long time in planning and execution with several house purchase setbacks so by the time she eventually exchanged contracts I was as relieved and excited for her new start as she was. If she' d kept it a secret and sprung it on me a few days beforehand I would have been hurt that she had excluded me from such a big part of her life.

At the moment with lockdown it's made no difference to our friendship. Zooms and texts don't change just because there is distance. I've investigated the nearby hotels on booking.com and as soon as it's legal I will be booking myself into one so our treasured long nights of chat and wine and gossip will continue.

Don't hang about OP. Pick up the phone and make your BF part of your adventure. Unless you don't actually like her very much that is.

I would go to the park and tell her face to face

Not via a one line text as posters seem to be advocating, some people clearly have no close friends.

I told my best friend via a one line text as she drove me to the airport to go to my interview and we’d spoken a couple of hours before I went in. She was dying to know. We’re very close but no way was I waiting another 24h to get back home and tell her face to face when WhatsApp could do the job just as well. ‘How was the interview? Oh sorry, just came out but I’ll tell you when you pick me up tomorrow’ 😂 Different circumstances here of course.