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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I tell my best friend that I'm moving to York

129 replies

imanenglishwomaninNY · 13/03/2021 19:07

I've put it off for ages, we're going to be moving in less than 6 months now.

Text, phone call or (sd) face to face?

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 13/03/2021 19:55

Maybe text to say when is she free as you need to have a chat. They’ll give her a bit of time to prepare for the call if she’s going to be upset. Schedule in some serious partying on June 21st.

Notaroadrunner · 13/03/2021 19:56

Well if texting is your usual method of communication, being in York won't make much difference. How far is it from where you currently live? Will it be easy to travel to see each other? My best friend lives a couple of hours away. I rarely see her but we still text and call each other. If I were you I'd phone her and I wouldn't leave it too long, otherwise she might be more upset that you held off telling her.

Original poster

imanenglishwomaninNY · 13/03/2021 19:56

The move is London to York and our children are friends.

It's not going to be easy. But then again, maybe she doesn't care as much as I think she does!!

For whatever reasons we haven't chatted on the phone for a while, maybe distance brought on by lockdown etc. I think I'm probably going to take the easy route and text. I'm a massive lazy wimp

OP posts:

StCharlotte · 13/03/2021 19:56

My BFF did this about 26 years ago. I still haven't forgiven her!

Seriously she'll be fine, as I was. We're still soulmates and in touch every day even if it's the briefest WhatsApp exchange. Of course I'd love her to be round the corner but you need to do what's right for you. How far is it from where you are now?

MuddleMoo · 13/03/2021 19:56

Where do you and she live?

KezzabellaB · 13/03/2021 19:57

Oh bless her. She'll be sad and miss you, as you will her, but it's a small country. I'm sure she'll be able to visit you and vice versa. Are you moving far OP?

Bunnybigears · 13/03/2021 20:01

London to York is a really easy journey on the train so not unachievable to still visit each other as well as text, phone, zoom etc

Myneighboursdomyheadin · 13/03/2021 20:09

Well if you were moving from Lancaster that would be serious!

MuddleMoo · 13/03/2021 20:12

I'd ring her so you can assure her you've worked out trains etc

OrangeBananaFish · 13/03/2021 20:14

Well you must have a reason to move to York. Did you not discuss this planning ever before you decided to move? Then it would be you know that thing I'm doing, well its in York.

I moved from York years ago and I just gave details as I went along. Doing X because of Y, looking to move, ooh found here, then moved.

WisnaeMe · 13/03/2021 20:14

@Lockheart

"I'm moving to York" would probably cover it.

😂

NRE20 · 13/03/2021 20:14

Sounds like a very difficult and sad conversation to have and it’s understandable that you’ve put it off. I would text to say you have some news, which you’d rather tell her on the phone, then schedule a date to chat.
On the call, own up to not telling your friend sooner, because you’re upset by the fact that you’ll be moving away from her and thought that she probably would be too. If you acknowledge that it’s sad news mixed along with the good (new job, new opportunity), I think it’s likely to go down better, than if you position it as just a piece of good news, with no acknowledgement to how she (and clearly you) feel about it.
You can then say all the nice things about how you can maintain your close friendship from a distance (visits, WhatsApping, video calls).
She may need time to process the news, before she can react fully to it, so if she seems like she needs space to let the news sink in, be prepared to give that to her.

SplendidSuns1000 · 13/03/2021 20:16

Text her and ask if you can call, say you'd rather say it on the phone. Say you've got some exciting news that does bring bad news with it.

Ask how she is first, if she's coping okay etc. Say your reason to move and how it's come about and then say that it means you'll be moving to York. E.g. "So I've been offered a great opportunity working in X field starting in September, but it means I'll be moving to York." Say it's a shock to you too and you're upset about leaving her behind but that you'll be able to visit each other, the kids can stay in touch and that it's an exciting new step for you. Then arrange a plan to meet in the next 6 months to make the most of your time together and emphasise your willingness to keep in touch.

I moved from South west to north east, I know how hard it can be.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/03/2021 20:16

Will it be a bolt from the blue?

Is it a Covid driven move for a better life, a return to home, or a job opportunity?

Our friends moved away about 5 years ago now. We are still very close, holiday together and our children are all still best friends (as in 3 hours of facetime every night). It is not the same as nipping round for a cuppa, but it still works and is sustainable.

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2021 20:17

@imanenglishwomaninNY

The move is London to York and our children are friends.

It's not going to be easy. But then again, maybe she doesn't care as much as I think she does!!

For whatever reasons we haven't chatted on the phone for a while, maybe distance brought on by lockdown etc. I think I'm probably going to take the easy route and text. I'm a massive lazy wimp

I suspect she won’t be as upset as you think. My BFF moved to NEW York so a lot further and while I was a bit sad I was really pleased for her.

SunshineCake · 13/03/2021 20:17

Is this completely out of the blue?

Text her, say you need to talk to her about something and can she let you know when she is free. Then have a catch up chat and then say you have some news...

Trumplosttheelection · 13/03/2021 20:19

I hope you are prepared for your London friends to come stay every half term. York is the perfect destination for half terms.

Where are you moving to?

FangsForTheMemory · 13/03/2021 20:20

London to York is under 2 hours by train, she can visit.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 13/03/2021 20:20

Why do you feel so reticent? Are you scared of her reaction

EssentialHummus · 13/03/2021 20:20

What others asked - were there mumblings about a relocation etc?

I get it OP, I get stressed at people moving to Catford let alone the other end of the country. It's fine to worry at how the convo will go.

DavidsSchitt · 13/03/2021 20:21

Don't know why people are being such arseholes to you OP. It's hard to leave friends and to tell them too. My friend left for Australia and I was truly gutted (told her as much at the same time as wishing her luck and sharing her excitement).

I would see if she can set aside time for a FaceTime catch up and a drink one evening and then tell her early on in the chat that you've got some big news and just say it. Don't text her!

Unreasonabubble · 13/03/2021 20:22

@demelza82

This is a forum for grownups OP with some life experience. Maybe discuss it with your school counselor

Maybe you need to go back to school and learn how to spell.

You were really mean.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 13/03/2021 20:22

This thread has really cheered me up.

Thanks

nanbread · 13/03/2021 20:22

If you live near each other arrange to meet and tell her.

Why are yo moving?

BikeRunSki · 13/03/2021 20:22

@Myneighboursdomyheadin

Well if you were moving from Lancaster that would be serious!

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