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Original poster

The problem with "#NotAllMen"

999 replies

TheABC · 12/03/2021 21:18

I read this on the BBC and it beautifully sums up the doublethink problem women face in society.

*"...some people are keen to point out that it's a tiny minority of men who are attackers - using the hashtag #NotAllMen.

"The issue with the argument is that women can't win," says Daisy.

"They want women to not treat all men as potential attackers, but then we also are asked to keep ourselves safe.

"Keeping ourselves safe means that we have to see everyone as potential attackers because if we were to say, 'OK, not all men, we will treat everyone as innocent until proven guilty", that's when these things happen.

"And that's when people say, she should have been more careful.

"So it's really tough, because I think it's an attitude that's really built into society."*

Is she (and I) being unreasonable?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 15/03/2021 14:12

Hmmm yet when I did refer to a “real” man (not a hypothetical example) that got mugged and ended up dead you didn’t want to know.

At that point I was entirely too invested in, and concerned for poor old Steve. . .

enigma16 · 15/03/2021 14:13

2021ismyyear what is your issue? I'm pretty sure your husband has nothing to fear from a bunch of women discussing sexism online - or indeed any women.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 15/03/2021 14:13

I'm truly sorry that happened. I hope the perpetrator was fully punished for the crime.

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:14

@2021ismyyear

Hmmm yet when I did refer to a “real” man (not a hypothetical example) that got mugged and ended up dead you didn’t want to know.
You used that as an example of a mugging of a mobile phone. It wasn’t. It was a murder.
2021ismyyear · 15/03/2021 14:16

You literally are as much to blame for all this as the men in my circle. Why should innocent nice men be expected to call out other men? They shouldn’t, well no more than you are expected to go on porn hub and call out the sexist comments.

You can certainly talk about anything here. Will it do any good and change a rapists mind? Unlikely I’d say.

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:17

@2021ismyyear

“Yes he is right. But there is a MASSIVE difference about being mugged for your mobile phone (nasty but you'll get over it) and being raped”

Wow!!!!! Are you for real?!

Message one and @2021ismyyear ‘a reply to follow
2021ismyyear · 15/03/2021 14:17

Yeah the poor guy got mugged... and it went wrong

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/03/2021 14:17

And back we to the first step. Round and round and round we go... and we always come back to a version of this!

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:17

@2021ismyyear

Dean Mayley, was stabbed during a knife-point mugging in Greenford, west London, in February after refusing to hand over his mobile phone - an attack caught on CCTV. His mother, who wept outside court, said the loss of her "lovely, lovely" boy was "unbearable".

Is this “nasty but you’ll get over it” too?!

Here we go.
Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:18

You’ll notice the first message said nothing about your weird game of murder/rape top trumps @2021ismyyear

Flowers24 · 15/03/2021 14:18

Ok so this woman is murdered which is horrendous but now all men are evil mobsters? Sorry probably a minority of men are like this , don't man bash them all. Some women can be really violent and abusive to their partners?

LastRoloIsMine · 15/03/2021 14:19

Hmmm yet when I did refer to a “real” man (not a hypothetical example) that got mugged and ended up dead you didn’t want to know

It was acknowledged by many of us. We pointed out it was murder.

2021 You really do plop and run, you say the most pathetic and frankly ridiculous things then never refer to them and ignore our questions. Is it our attention you crave?

You demand we praise your husband.
You demand we feel sorry for your stepdad and Steve.
You call women witches and demand we dont discuss non mum things on this forum.

What is it you actually want?

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:19

@Flowers24

Ok so this woman is murdered which is horrendous but now all men are evil mobsters? Sorry probably a minority of men are like this , don't man bash them all. Some women can be really violent and abusive to their partners?
How many men are killed by women ever week in the UK?
enigma16 · 15/03/2021 14:21

Why should innocent nice men be expected to call out other men? They shouldn’t, well no more than you are expected to go on porn hub and call out the sexist comments.

Why shouldn't they? If they don't call out other men behaving in sexist and misogynist ways they are NOT innocent nice men!!! I would also hazard a guess that your innocent nice men have also engaged in sexist behaviours themselves - there are not many men who haven't. And if they consider women their equals why wouldn't they support a campaign against sexism and misogyny? And I think I will find other ways of challenging sexist behaviour than visiting porn hub, but thanks.

Flowers24 · 15/03/2021 14:22

I don't know but I'm sick of hearing the man bashing ? Making it sound as if all men are inclined to attack women ?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/03/2021 14:22

@Flowers24

Ok so this woman is murdered which is horrendous but now all men are evil mobsters? Sorry probably a minority of men are like this , don't man bash them all. Some women can be really violent and abusive to their partners?
Back up has arrived!

No @Flowers24 that isn't what is being said.

That is what one very determined poster, who has been shown to be 'creative' in recounting what has been said on this and other threads, is saying.

Quite literally, nobody has said any of that

And you arent' the first to NAMALT or "Some women are violent too"

Thread after thread, post after post - and none, so far, have even treid to step back a little and try to see what so many other women are trying to explain.

Hint: It does NOT contain the words ALL men are violent and women NEVER are!

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:23

@Flowers24

I don't know but I'm sick of hearing the man bashing ? Making it sound as if all men are inclined to attack women ?
Do you know how many women per week are killed by men in the UK alone?

It’s 3. It’s three women, every week.

It’s a much, much bigger problem than some men’s hurt feelings.

LastRoloIsMine · 15/03/2021 14:23

Flower at no point has anyone said all men are evil and nobody is men bashing.

What has been asked/requested/begged for is that men support women to change the culture of misogyny and accepted violence directed at women and girls.

2021ismyyear · 15/03/2021 14:24

I do not give a shit how many of each gender are murdered. Even if it’s just one... and in the case I highlighted it was a vulnerable young man with a brain condition. NOT ALL MEN are bad. NOT ALL MEN need to answer for a minority. So the people saying “it’s not all men” are correct.

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:26

@2021ismyyear

I do not give a shit how many of each gender are murdered. Even if it’s just one... and in the case I highlighted it was a vulnerable young man with a brain condition. NOT ALL MEN are bad. NOT ALL MEN need to answer for a minority. So the people saying “it’s not all men” are correct.
You should. Most people do give a shit about three women per week being murdered by men.

All men need to sort it. All men need to step up. Even if it hurts your stepfather’s feelings.

enigma16 · 15/03/2021 14:26

I don't know but I'm sick of hearing the man bashing ? Making it sound as if all men are inclined to attack women ?

Attacking women is the extreme end on a spectrum of misogyny. Sexist jokes and banter, as an example, are also on that spectrum of behaviour. And men who do not challenge misogynist culture are a part of it.

Mittens030869 · 15/03/2021 14:26

Sigh. No one is saying that all men are violent or evil. No one. We have asked for decent men to call out misogyny when they see it. (In the same way that those of us who are white should call out racism when we see it.)

Flowers24 · 15/03/2021 14:27

Not all men and I stand by it. Give me all the stats you want but women violence to men is rarely reported .

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2021 14:28

@Flowers24

Not all men and I stand by it. Give me all the stats you want but women violence to men is rarely reported .
Not all men what?
LastRoloIsMine · 15/03/2021 14:28

I do not give a shit how many of each gender are murdered

You dont care about people being murdered but you care about your husbands hurty feelz....WOW.

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