NC because this could be outing. I know how precious I sound...
DH and I are expecting our first baby soon. We’ve already bought most of the things we need and last week SIL (DH’s sister) offered us a bunch of baby stuff - towels, muslins, sheets, blankets, bottle warmers, and so on. Generally speaking, I’ve not wanted anything second hand. This is our first baby and so I naturally have new parent syndrome and want everything to be the best and new. I’ve also been buying things that we can use re-use when we have a second child, so I’ve been going for good quality, popular brands, etc in the hope that if we have number 2, the items will still be in decent condition to use again.
But when DH ran by me the list of things his sister was offering, I actually thought great, these are things we will need, I can maybe keep her things at my parents so I have supplies and stuff there. So I agreed that she should send it across.
The box arrived a few days ago, and I’m not too happy with what she sent. Everything looks old and well used. The towels are rough, anything white now looks grey, and so on. I’m actually really disappointed and don’t want any of it.
What I’m not sure of is whether I’m disappointed because of the quality, or because it’s from SIL.
There is also another issue with SIL. So...her husband is a racist who has a massive issue with me. I’m an ethnic minority and from a different religion whilst my DH, his family and SIL’s husband are all white. After DH and I got engaged, SIL’s husband made it clear he’s against our relationship, boycotted the wedding, stopped DH from having any relationship with his nephew and wants nothing to do with us. TBH, after all that he said and did, we want nothing to do with him either so it’s just about bearable as we don’t live anywhere near each other.
But naturally, I can’t stand the guy and because of all that, SIL and I are not close and don’t speak that often. She has tried to build a relationship but I’m just not interested. It genuinely hurts me that she has never once acknowledged to me that her husband is a shit and the way he has behaved is not ok. Part of me actually wonders if she agrees to some extent, which has enabled him to be so open about his views but that’s a whole other post!
So when this massive box of baby stuff arrived and we opened it, I was gutted by what was inside. I genuinely don’t know if I was put off by the quality of the stuff, but as I kept looking through it I was thinking this is stuff SIL’s husband has bought and used, I don’t want it.
DH would like me to message his sister to tell her how grateful we are. He is really keen for me to build a relationship with her, and he admitted that him asking me to message her is intended to make her feel good so she doesn’t think we don’t want any of her stuff because of her husband. Except that is how I feel - I don’t see why I should make her feel better when she’s not done anything to make me feel better.
But equally, maybe I’m using her husband as an excuse for not wanting second hand stuff for baby and being a bit of a snob. I genuinely don’t know! DH could tell I wasn’t excited by any of the things she sent but I’ve not expressly told him I don’t want it. To be honest my plan is to just never use it...
AIBU for not wanting it and never intending to use any of it? And to not tell DH or anyone that’s what I’m planning to do...