**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

[Zara0123]

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

make an appointment to discuss with the manager/headteacher at the nursery

He could have just wiped his bum and not been especially gentle, but you need to speak to the nursery manager as soon as you’re able to and tell them what your son has told you

HTH. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Does your DS normally need help wiping after using the toilet? Being honest, my first thought here is that the person in question has wiped his bum following a poo and has been too rough. But obviously that’s best case scenario and we don’t know that for sure. Can you approach the nursery and ask if DS seemed out of sorts or reported being sore etc?

Oh this is an unnerving read. I think you know what you need to do.

I agree with pp.

I know it's hard not to panic but the staff will have had to change your ds so will have had to touch him and he may have had a sore bum which needed cleaning. In that sense it's not a completely abnormal thing to say.

They should keep logs of nappy changes which can be checked.

I’d ask the NSPCC

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/our-services/nspcc-helpline/

I don’t think you are being OTT. I actually think this needs reporting to the police & your son may need medical attention.

As a parent of a similar aged child my sense is that he's wiped too hard and its hurt. I would definately be raising it with the nursery though.

OP you need to contact the nursery urgently and find out if staff changing children are making sure they are doing it in pairs. At my DDs’ nursery this was always a rule - it protects the staff and the children.

You are not being ott. You need to record exactly what he said, when, any other behaviours. Don't ask your child any further questions. Perhaps ring NSPCC for advice or local social work/safeguarding service in your area. You are not being ott at all. Don't second guess yourself. Let professionals investigate.

I think the next logical step is advice from the police. I'm so sorry OP.

@Goldylion

I don’t think you are being OTT. I actually think this needs reporting to the police & your son may need medical attention.

I agree.

Sorry, I just re read and realised he isn't in nappies. They do often still have to help at toilet time. I hope it is that.

Ok. The issue here is so many innocent explanations but also 1 not.

It's entirely possible at your sons age he has something called an anal fissure which are painful and would hurt if he had a hard stool and was wiped.

The tissue is a clue he was being wiped.

But you cannot ignore what the unlikely but still possible alternative is. I agree with ringing NSPCC for advice.

Cases like this are never easy because false accusation can ruin someone's confidence or career. But yet not noticing and acting when there is abuse can ruined that persons life.

I think this needs reported to social services for a s.47 investigation. Don't trust the nursery or the manager to do anything to address this sufficiently. The will always try to minimise and protect their reputation above all else

Sorry but I would take him to a&e this evening for examination and guidance. So sorry this is such a sorry for you

Oh gosh that made me anxious just reading that.
However... the most likely scenario is that he wiped his bum too hard.
Could you ask him.. did it hurt when he wiped your bum?
I'm not sure that's the best thing to do. Does his bum look sore?
Sorry not being much help but just being a handhold.
I wouldn't call the police as previous poster had said. Can you speak to nursery now or are they closed? Otherwise speak to manager first thing tomorrow morning and just calmly explain why you are anxious.

Tough one op I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and your son is hurt.
I think I would call the police.
How hard would you have to wipe to hurt a child that they're still talking about it hours later?
I changed and wiped my own son thousands of times without hurting him.
Dont ask your son any more questions until you've spoken to someone either police or nspcc.

Don't send him back. Let the nursery know.
What you know:

• he didn't like it
• he was emotionally upset
• his bottom was hurt
• he wants to stay away from one of the teacher.

I would not send my child back. Any explanation you are offered does not overide the fact that you child came home clearly distressed

I don't think you're being OTT at all. I think I'd call the police.
How roughly would you have to wipe your bum for it to still hurt hours later when it touched water, it doesn't sound normal or innocent at all.

The fact he mentioned tissue is reassuring

I’d ask NSPCC to start with?
Is he due to go there tomorrow

Surely if he was wiped too hard it would be obviously sore to look at? And I can't imagine it would be that bad that he can't sit in the bath, poor little soul. My DCs have always found bathwater quite soothing when they've got a nappy or toilet rash.
It seems very off that he's specifically said "bumhole" rather than just his bum, I would find that concerning.

Not sure how well your 2yr old can communicate To describe what happened- but I’d call the nspcc for advice on the next best steps

Is it possible your son was a touch constipated and the poop hurt and caused a little tear, meaning when the Nursery worker wiped he’s hurt him further.
Please do not rush to call the police, as your son isn’t saying that nursery worker was inappropriate but absolutely speak to nursery in the morning.