**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

[Zara0123]

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

OP please take the advice of the professionals who have posted here. I know you must be in turmoil because the possibility that something awful has happened is unthinkable. But you need to follow their advice.

He needs a medical examination tonight. You should also call the police. I wouldn't be waiting til the morning. And yes also speak to NSPCC for advice. Am sending hugs xxx

I would take him to my GP tomorrow. He can examine and will know if further action required and escalate. I don’t think I would say anything to Nursery until after GP has assessed: If there is a concern social services will need to be involved so I would not forewarn the nursery in those circumstances. If GP is not concerned I would then speak to Nursery as your little boy needs you to advocate for him so that worker does not clean him again

If your dd talks about it again record it on your phone

Do NOT let the nursery know what you are doing - sadly covering their tracks to preserve their reputation could involve them throwing allegations back at you if they have the time to think and prepare

Seek medical advice ASAP

Also, before you ring anyone and while it is all as clear as possible, make a record of exactly what you have all said, seen and done, with a timeline. Don't ask your DC anything else.

Agree with @Cookiecrumblepie and @MsSavouryPancake

I would take him to be medically checked over ASAP. My DS is 2 and this is one of my worst fears. I hope you are okay

Another safeguarding lead here- please seek advice now do not wait.
Do not contact nursery before you have sought medical examination - at the very least 111 now alternatively a and e or ooh don’t wait for routine gp appointment.
Record the conversation you had with ds while it’s clear in your mind.
Contact nspcc and police.
It must a horrendous thought that something may have happened but it needs checking into op 💐

Call the police anonmously and ask for advice. I think in the very least a GP should see him. My children had severe constipation. A dr would be able to tell I think if an injury is because something came out or something went in. Sorry OP that doesn't sound nice but I think a GP should be able to help.

Partner is a GP and he said that it would be an immediate referral to paeds. He probably wouldn't do any exam and definitely not an internal one, that's for the hospital staff who will have done forensic examinations before.

Obvs can't speak for all GPs, but it's not a good idea to leave him until tomorrow in the expectation that the GP is the best place to take him.

Sorry you're going through this OP, it really is one of the biggest fears :(
I don't think wiping too hard would cause that much pain. An anal fissure definitely would though.
I agree with pp, definitely speak to someone ASAP with advice on what to do next and what steps to follow and get him checked before notifying the nursery and even sending him back.
Surely a doctor would be able to look and know what kind of "damage" it is, I've been to the doctors before and they've diagnosed an anal fissure.
Awful situation :( really hope it is something innocent.

I’d phone the police.

Some good advice already. I’m sorry OP, you know your DS best - is it likely he’d have been so upset if it really was just an accident? Also if it upset him as much as it clearly has I’d have expected nursery to mention something at drop off.

I cannot believe those saying that the mention of tissue is reassuring. C’mon - abusers are pretty good at covering their tracks!!

You need to contact the emergency safeguarding team. You'll find this on your local council's website. I've had to do this regarding a child. They answer out of hours. A&E tonight. How your child is acting and the things he's said are red flags. Don't leave it.

Please take your ds to children’s A&E tonight. I hope he’s ok.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@VintageDiamonds

That’s quite poor advice and going against what a safeguarding social working and 2 others is safeguarding are suggesting.

Making comments like this can be very damaging[/quote]
I’m sorry yes, I gave bad advise.
Please do as the experts advise, OP. Apologies.

I would be going to a&e tonight to get checked. Definitely write down exactly what he said and what happened while you've still got it in your head.

Don’t ask questions like ‘did he hurt while wiping your bum’ like pps has suggested, as this is a leading question. You need to ask him what happened and not put ideas in his head or twist reality for him. So sorry this is happening, and I really hope there’s an innocent explanation

I would make an emergency appointment with GP first thing to be examined. Next, I’d ask for a meeting with the nursery do discuss.

The reason I’d hold off on Police is because they will not be able to ascertain without medical proof and this could potentially ruin the mans life or the nurseries rep.

Pending medical examination I’d then involve police if it look like he has been touched inappropriately.

Poor you must be a shock to hear. Best case and most likely (?) the man has wiped his bottom but it hurt your son. Sometimes my son shouts ‘ow’ when I wipe him. But here’s the thing. A skilled nursery worker would surely have noticed your son’s discomfort / distress and either stopped / made good at the time? So I think you need to talk to management. If the man was scolding your son at same time for example and/or it wasn’t made to be a happy experience that would feel quite Horrible for a little boy. So this would worry me even if there were no sinister intentions. Good luck with the conversation with nursery. Tbh if I could I might even keep child at home until I understood what had happened.

You need to get him checked out now OP.

I just asked my newly 4 year old if anyone ever wipes her bum at nursery and she said no. That's why she always comes home sore as she doesn't do a good job of it herself and we help her when she's at home.

I'm quite concerned about you mentioning in your original post that your son said "he's not my friend anymore" etc..

I hope its not the worse case scenario!

You cannot sleep on this, you need to take your child for a examination tonight.

A&E now.

And DO NOT contact the nursery. The tissue thing is not reassuring at all.

I'm with @JessicaaRabbit ! It is important to listen to your son, yes get him checked out, ask for records of who changed your son, do lots of other things.

Please do not call the police at this stage.