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Original poster

**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

354 replies

Zara0123 · 10/03/2021 18:42

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 10/03/2021 21:43

think the whole men working in nurseries debate is for another thread tbh.

Or no thread because there should be no debate at all??

TubbyUnicorn · 10/03/2021 21:43

@purplepoppet92 Yes agreed. Hopefully the OP can pick out the sensible advice from professionals.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 21:43

@TubbyUnicorn

Where has the child said this man wiped his bum? I can't see that in any of the OPs post. Those were not the words the child used... that is the version you have assured yourself has happened.
He said he hurt it after he did a poo using tissue.

Despite the escalation on the thread, that is a fair conclusion for PP to draw.

Edit - before the lynch mob is out again, I'm not saying OP should leave it there. I'm explaining why PP thought that.

toocold54 · 10/03/2021 21:44

I would take him to the doctor tomorrow (don’t send him in). And just say initially he’s really uncomfortable and in pain which isn’t like him and can you see anything wrong. The doctor will examine him and probably ask him some questions. My DD tore herself slightly at that age after going for a poo and it was really sore for her.

It is very, very uncommon for something like this to happen in a nursery. They are often more sly than that. It is usually a family member or trusted friend. So if he is an abuser he will more likely prey on someone closer to him and use the fact he works with children and a false sense of security.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 21:44

@JosieJarker

The red flags were in everything the boy said and what op said about his behaviour and mood. So implying its only his bum was wiped is minimising. Maybe you didnt read it all properly. Anyway this thread is not about you so I for one will not be engaging with you any further.
Oh no, how will I cope without multiple posters quoting the same quote and accusing me of being a minimiser?

I always find it interesting when posters attack a poster and then when they respond, tell them it's not about them and they won't be engaging.

I for one would be bloody delighted if people stopped attacking me

D0ntAtMe · 10/03/2021 21:45

I used to be a daycare manager and personally if anyone of my colleagues accidentally hurt a child while helping them wiping or they expressed any kind of pain while going for a wee or a poo then we tell the parent or adult collecting the child so that they can get medical help.

The fact that this didn't happen is one big fuck off red flag and I wouldn't be sending my child there until I knew I could trust them. Even in the innocent scenario of him having something medical going on, if he's been in pain when whoever was wiping him or expressed any kind of discomfort when going to the the toilet I'd want to know why the staff supervising didn't mention it.

Disabrie22 · 10/03/2021 21:45

I would find this very concerning and would not be happy - my first port of call would be to ring an advice line - like the NSPPCC or Childline to find out how you report suspected abuse. I would take my child to the doctors or A and E.

Redwinestillfine · 10/03/2021 21:46

Don't send him in until this is sorted op.

Jolie12345 · 10/03/2021 21:47

I feel for you but I can’t believe how many people are suggesting you call the police. The fact tissue was involved very much sounds like this was a toilet situation, that is a very big jump that could be potentially devastating to the worker. You need to ask your son what happened again. At that age my son would have been able to confirm if he wiped too hard or something else

TubbyUnicorn · 10/03/2021 21:47

And just say initially he’s really uncomfortable and in pain which isn’t like him and can you see anything wrong.

No, the OP has to say what her son has been told because it will potentially change how the examination is carried out and recorded.

Druidlookingidiot · 10/03/2021 21:47

@Zara0123 hasn't posted since 7.30. I hope she's taken her DS to A & E.

Spagoot224 · 10/03/2021 21:49

Child Protection Social Worker here.

Echoing what people have said in that there are multiple red flags in what you’ve written. My advice would be a&e/111. If they feel necessary, they’ll be able to arrange a CP medical and involve police/Social Services. Don’t ask further questions, this could potentially muddy the waters. Medical attention is the most important things at this time.

Usagi12 · 10/03/2021 21:49

Firstly you need to get him checked medically. Take him to A & E, they can check him out and will keep a record of any findings. They can also advise on next steps should they have any concerns xx

toocold54 · 10/03/2021 21:50

I would actually take him to be checked over this evening and not wait until tomorrow. I wouldn’t call the police or anything until I had been to the doctors though.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 21:50

@Jolie12345

I feel for you but I can’t believe how many people are suggesting you call the police. The fact tissue was involved very much sounds like this was a toilet situation, that is a very big jump that could be potentially devastating to the worker. You need to ask your son what happened again. At that age my son would have been able to confirm if he wiped too hard or something else
I said similar and have been repeatedly accused of minimising.

Posts only appear to be acceptable if you keep to the worst conclusion.

I really feel for OP but it's a nasty thread.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 21:52

I'm out anyway. PP are right that OP doesn't need it.

Flowers
WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/03/2021 21:52

In this situation I think there is no option except to see this through using the proper channels. That's A&E for an assessment etc. I'm sorry you have to do this but it needs to be done.

JosieJarker · 10/03/2021 21:53

It could be devastating to the child and his family.
And asking more questions is really bad advice.

DinoHat · 10/03/2021 21:53

It won’t be devastating for the worker if there’s an innocent explanation. There’s several safeguarding professionals on this thread who have outline an appropriate course of action for OP. It might be something, it might be nothing but that’s the whole point of processes and procedures in place to establish that.

When it comes to children’s safety the reputation or feelings of adults should not be a primary consideration.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/03/2021 21:54

I fail to see what on earth tissue has to do with anything. Tissue would be used in any situation. Including the worst one. Let's leave the assesment to the professionals.

JosieJarker · 10/03/2021 21:55

When it comes to children’s safety the reputation or feelings of adults should not be a primary consideration.
This ^
Can't believe that actually needs to be said.
Fingers crossed for you and your little one op.

BoredatHome321 · 10/03/2021 21:57

@Jolie12345

I feel for you but I can’t believe how many people are suggesting you call the police. The fact tissue was involved very much sounds like this was a toilet situation, that is a very big jump that could be potentially devastating to the worker. You need to ask your son what happened again. At that age my son would have been able to confirm if he wiped too hard or something else
It COULD be an innocent incident, but it could quite easily be something concerning too. In which case you should 100% go through the right "procedure". My nephew, at the same age would not be able to tell you the full story, it differs for every child and OP has every right to be concerned.
Mysterian · 10/03/2021 21:57

The male worker is very probably innocent. Assuming he is, it's in his best interest that professional safeguarding people investigate this to clear him. If he's not innocent then they're best placed to gather evidence. Either way, seek help as soon as possible.

Stroppyshite · 10/03/2021 21:57

@D0ntAtMe Agree 100%. At least the member of staff doing the wiping would have seen the boys distress when this happened, and would have at least mentioned it. At our nursery, it would have been written down. It is odd that not one staff member saw his upset.

Jolie12345 · 10/03/2021 21:58

Asking more questions is bad advice? Seriously? That’s exactly what authorities would have to do. Surely it’s better that it’s a parent calmly asking “did he wipe too hard? Or did something else happen? If you tell us we can make sure it doesn’t happen again”. I have a child, I know we need to do all we can to protect them. But people should use some common sense here.

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