**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

[Zara0123]

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

I wouldn’t take him to A&E, but I would ring the police. They may be able to arrange him being checked over at a safe centre instead which is a much calmer environment with more time and properly trained doctors and HCPs to check him over

He needs to be physically examined tonight. ASAP. There might be evidence to be recorded.

The chances are it's nothing untoward - but just in case it's not....

I don't think waiting for a GP is a good idea. This is more urgent.

Sounds very worrying op

Please go to A&E

Can you give him some calpol, it might stop him being in so much discomfort

I would not send him back there - not worth the risk.

I’m a safeguarding lead: I would suggest:

Writing down word for word what he said -
In his own words

Write down what questions you or your Oh asked your child, word for word.

Don’t ask any more leading questions. If you ask, ask open ended questions.

I would take him to the children’s hospital this evening for a check over- they can have a look around/in his bum.

The change in behaviour, tearful and not being able to sit in the bath are alarming red flags; please have him seen tonight.

@Cinderellashoes

I’m a paeds nurse, I think you need to ring the nspcc or potentially 111, your son may need medical attention, please don’t wait overnight. I hope he’s ok

Paeds nurse too

I agree take him to be seen this evening, the medical staff will know what to look for and will contact the right people to ask the right questions.
It may be innocent and that's fine, minimal harm to everyone.

It sounds serious to me. Given what your child said I think it needs to be formally reported to police. And speak to the nursery manager as well. So sorry your child has experienced this, but it could potentially have been a sexual assault

NOT BEING OTT AT ALL OP. Please call the police and take your son to A&E to get checked out. It all may be innocent or it might not.

If poss I'd check his bum wasn't injured or bleeding. Were you able to do this when you put cream on?

Then yuu need to speak to the head of the nursery ASAP on the morning. As I imagine as this is a potential safeguarding issue the staff member shouldn't be working with children while it's investigated.

The nursery should be referring the incident to the safeguarding team in their local authority.

Hello, all.
We've received a few reports about this thread asking if OP is genuine - understandable given the content. Just to let you know, we've checked things out behind the scenes and all seems to be above board.
Thanks.

Also sorry. This must be really worrying. Can't imagine what you're feeling.

Another poster telling you to go to A&E to have your son checked out.

[quote Nightbear]I’d ask the NSPCC

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/our-services/nspcc-helpline/[/quote]
@Zara0123 the helpline is open until 10pm tonight so you don’t need to wait until the morning.

I think A&E.

@Zara0123..

Get in touch with social services in your area A.s.a.p !

You can find their contact tel no/and office address ,through your council services hub place or go online.

Also seek help/guidance from that well known Child protection. Charity

NSPCA

Very sorry this has happened to your son, your family !

x

I agree you should go and take him to be checked out. Go via medical route before the police, and don’t talk to the nursery first, for reasons outlined above. Poor little thing. You must be beside yourself.

Safeguarding SW here . Please contact the police immediately to report this and then 111. It could be what others have said , he has been wiped too roughly or whatnot but the pain getting into the bath, behaviour change etc warrants further investigation. Please don't contact the nursery or question your son any further .Keep any of the clothes ,pants etc he has been wearing and don't wash them. The police will contact social work (if appropriate in your region ). I hope your wee boy is okay

Ps. I'm a mum of a nursery going toddler the same age as yours and this is one of my biggest nightmares. Please don't contact the nursery or leave it for them to investigate. The police/medical staff will know what to look out for, how to talk to your son, etc. I hope it's all innocent.

Call 101 for advice and 111 to schedule an urgent OOH appointment for DS to be examined.

At the very least he's in pain - at worst there may be obvious signs of abuse, either way he needs checking over.

I'm sorry but those are very strong and precise allegations from a 2 year old, fuck worrying about the nursery staffs innocence that can be sorted later. Your DS needs to know he's being listened to.

16randomer

This is real isn't it?
Why assume the male worker is somehow involved?
Your son seems linguistically advanced.

Troll hunting is not allowed.
The little lad has mentioned the male worker by name.
No he doesn't. Op said he's nearly 3.

Maybe dont speak to the nursery until you've spoken to someone else for advice.
Im pretty sure staff should be toileting in pairs and keeping records.
Dont give them chance to cover tracks.