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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL owes us £7k. Should we take him to court?

191 replies

cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:07

Backstory

Me and DH have been together 25 years, married for 20 in the summer. We have 4 DC- 22,18, 11 and 9 and twins due in May.

I have never got on with my mother and father in law- DH has had brief, informal contact with them with the DC but I haven’t seen my MIL for nearly 18 years.

Completely different story with BIL- he cut of his parents (they are very controlling and narcissistic- DH and BIL have an elder sister who was very clearly the favourite for a long time and I have never even met her) and me and him have always got on really well and he was a great support to us with the children growing up, starting our businesses etc. If he babysat or did a days work for us- we would always pay him even if he insisted we didn’t.

Anyway....fast forward to 6 months pre lockdown. BIL separated from his long term partner and came to me and DH for a loan of 10k. Keep in mind this was a week after me receiving a sizeable inheritance and a house from my grandmother. We move him into the house (rent free on the premise utilities etc would be his responsibility) and gave him the loan to get a solicitor to help fight for shared custody of his children.

So naturally it is 18 months later- and we have received 3 grand back, despite assurances he would pay us back within the year. We have a son we are financially supporting at university, 2 in private education and we have literally virtually ZERO income at the moment as both our businesses while they can function in lockdown we aren’t getting the clientele. We are literally living off my grandmothers inheritance which will run out in about 4 months time.

He has been working, has money to splash about on expensive toys for his DC (he spent at least 2k on them at Christmas), isn’t paying rent (thanks to us) and is walking around in designer clothes. Don’t get me wrong we aren’t going without and neither are our children- but he is taking the piss. Then last week- booked a fucking holiday to Disney world “because my babies have missed so much this past year” for Christmas time. Not being funny but the price of that holiday could of paid us off!

When we text/ring it’s constant excuses I’m not working (he is according to his Facebook business page), it will be next month yada yada. We can’t physically go round obviously and it is 200 miles away that he is now living.

DH won’t talk about it. He wants to just “leave it” when he can’t fucking see we are going to be up shit creek very soon and this money would at least buy us 2/3 months!!!

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 10/03/2021 16:11

Give him notice to leave the property and sell it.

superduster · 10/03/2021 16:15

Yep tell him either he starts paying rent and pays back the loan in instalments or you will be forced to sell the house he is living in.

katy1213 · 10/03/2021 16:18

Give him notice (no longer than month) either to start paying rent or get out so you can find a paying tenant. No need to get your husband's permission; it's your property.
Then draw up a payment plan for the balance of the debt and make it very clear in writing that you expect full settlement before any Disney holidays or you will be taking further steps. Again, it's your money, not your husband's and it's not his decision to take.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:21

Really want to avoid selling the house. My
Grandmother was born and raised there, then my mum, then me and my eldest 2 spent their lives there until my 3 was born and we had the finances to move away and start our business.

We might have to though because it’s looking like we won’t be able to afford DD3s school fees next year other wise Angry

OP posts:
Porridgeoat · 10/03/2021 16:23

Just ring him yourself and explain you’re in dire straights financially and you need him to get a loan so that he can give you the cash this month as a matter of urgency

Porridgeoat · 10/03/2021 16:24

Why on earth did you give him the cash?

CastleCrasher · 10/03/2021 16:26

If you don't plan on selling the house, you presumably intend to rent it? Start charging him rent. Also put a date in writing for him to pay you back in full and explain to him that it's non negotiable.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:26

Porridge- he knows. He knows I’m getting zero clients (I have literally had one since after Christmas). I know we are coming out again (hopefully for good) but I think this lockdown has really pushed people to the brink and they really won’t have the money for luxuries or holidays this time.

I can’t be doing with causing shit with DH I already feel like I’ve caused enough shit between him and his family (completely justified fwiw) and I honestly if I cause him to fall out with his brother I can’t see us moving past it.

OP posts:
dotdotdotdash · 10/03/2021 16:27

I know it's confrontational, but have you said to him you are on the verge of taking legal action?

Grinch48 · 10/03/2021 16:28

Did you do everything properly is tennancy agreement gas / electric certificates
If you did do it properly you have little chance of getting him out this year due to lockdown and change in law with regards to housing
If you didn’t you still might find it hard to get him out if he can prove he’s been living there with proof of bank statements , credit cards and bills in his name
Either way your probably screwed in terms of getting him out quickly and the relationship is ruined by him so I would still start working out how I can get him out with the least amount of cost to yourself
Your biggest obstacle will be your husband who seems quite happy to let his dickhead brother live rent free at your expense

Therealjudgejudy · 10/03/2021 16:29

Tell him he needs to either pay you back, or move out of your Grandmother's house so you can get in renting tenants.

If you act like a doormat, people will walk all over you. Also ask your husband why should your kids suffer so you can support his brother and kids?

Gerla · 10/03/2021 16:29

Wouldn't it be better to stop paying for private school over selling the house? Also while you are not being unreasonable, it seems pretty drastic to tear your family apart (with no guarantee he would pay up anyway) for an extra couple of months.

LightOfMyLife21 · 10/03/2021 16:29

@Porridgeoat because at the time they didn't know there would be a global pandemic shutting down their businesses and he said he would be able to repay in twelve months?

DianaT1969 · 10/03/2021 16:30

Stop using your inheritance to fund the household. As of today. Tell your DH he needs to get the money from him. No more shopping, no more bills paid. Grey rock.

nanbread · 10/03/2021 16:31

Tell him he's taking the fucking piss and if he can afford Disney he can afford to pay rent - starting now, and make it no less than market rate. Make it clear the rent is on top of the loan repayment.

Your DH needs to sort it out as well.

Notaroadrunner · 10/03/2021 16:33

@cally8019

Really want to avoid selling the house. My Grandmother was born and raised there, then my mum, then me and my eldest 2 spent their lives there until my 3 was born and we had the finances to move away and start our business.

We might have to though because it’s looking like we won’t be able to afford DD3s school fees next year other wise Angry

What's the plan for the house so? There is little sense in you keeping it, maintaining it, for the sake of sentimentality while you are struggling financially. It's bricks and mortar - nothing else. Unless you plan to move back into it then you should get your freeloading bil out and sell it. And yes, I would take him to court for the balance of the loan as he has zero respect for your family so why should you now have any for him. Your Dh needs to realise that your bil is effectively depriving your family of your money from your inheritance. I'd be livid, but tbh you really shouldn't have given him any of your inheritance.
MyGorramShip · 10/03/2021 16:33

DH needs to grow up, his child’s education, not to mention other things, are fucked if he doesn’t get this money back from his brother.

You also need income from the house so he either pays rent or leaves

nanbread · 10/03/2021 16:33

@Grinch48

Did you do everything properly is tennancy agreement gas / electric certificates If you did do it properly you have little chance of getting him out this year due to lockdown and change in law with regards to housing If you didn’t you still might find it hard to get him out if he can prove he’s been living there with proof of bank statements , credit cards and bills in his name Either way your probably screwed in terms of getting him out quickly and the relationship is ruined by him so I would still start working out how I can get him out with the least amount of cost to yourself Your biggest obstacle will be your husband who seems quite happy to let his dickhead brother live rent free at your expense
But if he's staying as a guest and not renting I doubt he has the same rights?
SpacePotato · 10/03/2021 16:34

Tell him to pay up, pay rent or fuck off out the house.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/03/2021 16:35

Has your husband had a conversation with him? Yes he should pay you back but with 2 kids in private school, 1 at uni and an inheritance it’s quite probable he doesn’t realise the urgency- this doesn’t negate the fact he should have paid it before a holiday!

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:35

Not a choice we have Diana unfortunately. If I don’t pay the school fees my DDs won’t have a school to go to and I’m obviously not going to starve or freeze my children to death.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 10/03/2021 16:36

YANBU to want the money back. But unless you have a written contract with and signed by BIL stating the loan amount and repayment terms, you won’t get help from the courts. BIL will argue it was a gift and with no proof it was a loan.....

GreenlandTheMovie · 10/03/2021 16:42

@cally8019

Porridge- he knows. He knows I’m getting zero clients (I have literally had one since after Christmas). I know we are coming out again (hopefully for good) but I think this lockdown has really pushed people to the brink and they really won’t have the money for luxuries or holidays this time.

I can’t be doing with causing shit with DH I already feel like I’ve caused enough shit between him and his family (completely justified fwiw) and I honestly if I cause him to fall out with his brother I can’t see us moving past it.

It seems to be his family thats causing shit with you!

His family are certainly expensive and demanding!

LagunaBubbles · 10/03/2021 16:45

Maybe I've watched too much Judge Rinder but I agree with PlanDeRaccordement.

Gerla · 10/03/2021 16:45

If I don’t pay the school fees my DDs won’t have a school to go
No state school? I'm not being goady but you say that if he pays you back, it will buy you a couple of months. So, it's not that likely that he will pay and it won't solve your problem anyway. You need to look at longer term solutions.