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Original poster

BIL owes us £7k. Should we take him to court?

191 replies

cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:07

Backstory

Me and DH have been together 25 years, married for 20 in the summer. We have 4 DC- 22,18, 11 and 9 and twins due in May.

I have never got on with my mother and father in law- DH has had brief, informal contact with them with the DC but I haven’t seen my MIL for nearly 18 years.

Completely different story with BIL- he cut of his parents (they are very controlling and narcissistic- DH and BIL have an elder sister who was very clearly the favourite for a long time and I have never even met her) and me and him have always got on really well and he was a great support to us with the children growing up, starting our businesses etc. If he babysat or did a days work for us- we would always pay him even if he insisted we didn’t.

Anyway....fast forward to 6 months pre lockdown. BIL separated from his long term partner and came to me and DH for a loan of 10k. Keep in mind this was a week after me receiving a sizeable inheritance and a house from my grandmother. We move him into the house (rent free on the premise utilities etc would be his responsibility) and gave him the loan to get a solicitor to help fight for shared custody of his children.

So naturally it is 18 months later- and we have received 3 grand back, despite assurances he would pay us back within the year. We have a son we are financially supporting at university, 2 in private education and we have literally virtually ZERO income at the moment as both our businesses while they can function in lockdown we aren’t getting the clientele. We are literally living off my grandmothers inheritance which will run out in about 4 months time.

He has been working, has money to splash about on expensive toys for his DC (he spent at least 2k on them at Christmas), isn’t paying rent (thanks to us) and is walking around in designer clothes. Don’t get me wrong we aren’t going without and neither are our children- but he is taking the piss. Then last week- booked a fucking holiday to Disney world “because my babies have missed so much this past year” for Christmas time. Not being funny but the price of that holiday could of paid us off!

When we text/ring it’s constant excuses I’m not working (he is according to his Facebook business page), it will be next month yada yada. We can’t physically go round obviously and it is 200 miles away that he is now living.

DH won’t talk about it. He wants to just “leave it” when he can’t fucking see we are going to be up shit creek very soon and this money would at least buy us 2/3 months!!!

OP posts:
nanbread · 10/03/2021 18:26

If you're not working much then now is the perfect time to go there and sort it out as a rental property, surely?

Or pay an agent.

OP I don't mean to be unkind but it feels like you are coming up with excuses to avoid making any changes. But you need to. You're about to have two more children to pay for, presumably if you want to work you'll have two lots of nursery fees to pay as well at some point.

lydia2021 · 10/03/2021 18:32

Basically, hes squatting in your property, and you need money now. You have every right to ask for rent, afterall, you have been more than generous to let him live rent free up to now. It must be difficult for you with 4 kids to provide for and two more coming. You dont need the stress and your h should back you up. Could your h pay initial rent to set him up elsewhere. Then your grans home would be empty and if it's far away, a letting agent could manage it. My mother always said charity begins at home. If it was me, I would employ a locksmiths to change the locks. He has no right to live there, as he is abusing your kindness. I bet you dont have the money to swan off to Disneyland later in the year. If your h does not not support you in this fiasco, well... hes not a keeper. They can get a place together

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 10/03/2021 18:32

Op all the suggestions from posters here you are saying aren't possible so not really sure what you want or need to hear.

You are definitely not being u reasonable In the slightest and I would be bloody mad if it was my bil.

The issue you have is your dh sticking his head in the sand and refusing to actually deal with it.

You need to work on him and get him to understand the impact it's having on your family unit and eventually your marriage as your resentment towards him will build. Been there so I know what that feels like.

Do t let it go too far op

Tell your dh either he speaks to bil and comes back to you with a firm solid plan of repayments by the weekend or you will deal with it yourself and if he doesn't do that or says to leave it tell him your looking for a tenant to rent the house to as you need the income and he can tell his brother and why.

NeedToKnow101 · 10/03/2021 18:39

I'd be tempted to get into the house, change the locks and put his belongings outside.
He's completely taking the piss. Luckily he doesn't have a rental agreement, so doesn't have many rights.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 18:40

I have drafted an email to him- what do you all think?

Hi X

With regards to the loan we sent you on 29/08/2019:

Since this date we have received two payments from yourself- one dated 02/04/2020 amounting to £2500 and another dated 15/05/2020 amounting to £500. We all agreed this would be a loan and have even been flexible with the amount paid back to us monthly with the assurance the balance would be cleared within a year, which is now more than 6 months ago. Screenshots of you agreeing to this have been attached to this email.

We have tried on many occasions since this date to discuss the outstanding balance with you. We both feel we have been incredibly fair with you- we have been understanding with the regards to your situation, we appreciate there is an ongoing pandemic but frankly we feel you choosing to spend an extortionate amount of money on Christmas presents (the electric vehicle, Macbook Pro and iPad you posted on Christmas morning total nearly two thousand pounds) and choosing to book a Christmas trip to Disney world (we are aware of the cost of this because as you are aware we have taken our own children) is taking advantage of our good nature. Screenshots of these posts have also been attached to this email.

As you aware we are in a difficult financial situation ourselves which may result in us having to remove Y from her school. While I appreciate your outstanding money will not pay for the rest of her schooling, and we may still have to do this, it would provide us with a 'cushion' for a couple of months in the hope the pandemic is over and myself and Z have a stronger source of income.

My proposal is to have a Zoom meeting this weekend- perhaps Sunday evening? So we can all have a discussion about what is best to do. I have tried calling you previous to sending this email- but your phone is going straight to voicemail. I shall also be printing a copy of this to post via recorded delivery to arrive Friday morning.

I hope we can come to some form of amicable agreement on Sunday, otherwise we will be listing (address removed) for rent on Monday and requesting that you leave the property and seeking legal action to retrieve the money owed which currently stands at £7000.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 10/03/2021 18:46

You all seem to have lots of money to splash around. So he probably thinks there is no urgency to pay back the loan.

Turth · 10/03/2021 18:46

Sounds very like my FIL and SMIL - they borrow money from various family members and then go on holiday and have expensive dinner parties and SMIL drinks and smokes heavily. Then the cycle starts again. DH slightly brushes it under the carpet but pretty soon it is going to implode.
Start charging rent right away and never ever lend him a penny again.

LeopardPrintKnickers · 10/03/2021 18:46

Hmmm, I wouldn't list the things he's spent out on, purely as that will make him defensive. Keep those, and the screenshots, in your back pocket in case he pleads poverty and then use them as examples of how he could have paid you back but instead, chose to spend the money elsewhere.

I'd focus on the para about your financial circumstances and how you REALLY need the money now. I wouldn't reference it as a cushion, I'd just say that without an income, you need the money, and say no more.

willibald · 10/03/2021 18:46

Sadly no, I don't think your email's going to work. It sounds to wishy washy and threats don't work on people like this. He needs to be told the loan he agreed to is now due or he needs to leave the property immediately.

SandyY2K · 10/03/2021 18:47

I would leave this bit out, as it won't be received well and will make things worse, even though it's true. This will just inflame the situation...he knows he spent what he did...let him reflect on that as you just want your money back.

but frankly we feel you choosing to spend an extortionate amount of money on Christmas presents (the electric vehicle, Macbook Pro and iPad you posted on Christmas morning total nearly two thousand pounds) and choosing to book a Christmas trip to Disney world (we are aware of the cost of this because as you are aware we have taken our own children) is taking advantage of our good nature.

NeedToKnow101 · 10/03/2021 18:47

Sorry I didn't see that you're 200 miles away.
I think it's a good letter generally.

HedgeOwl · 10/03/2021 18:48

Yes, maybe not list the things he’s spent and just stick to the facts at the moment. Tell him open the letter the rent is £1000 a month starting from Monday.
Charge him rent or he goes.

demelza82 · 10/03/2021 18:53

@nanbread

If you're not working much then now is the perfect time to go there and sort it out as a rental property, surely?

Or pay an agent.

OP I don't mean to be unkind but it feels like you are coming up with excuses to avoid making any changes. But you need to. You're about to have two more children to pay for, presumably if you want to work you'll have two lots of nursery fees to pay as well at some point.

This! So many excuses
Cotbedy · 10/03/2021 18:54

It's a bit rambly and repetitive, cut it down to the salient facts and his choices about how to proceed - whatever you want them to be.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 18:55

I don't see how im coming up with excuses when it is illegal for me to travel there at the moment- and I don't have the money to pay an agent!

OP posts:
Serin · 10/03/2021 18:55

I agree not to list the presents and demand he starts paying rent immediately.
What on earth is your DH thinking to let such a CF abuse his family in this way.

occa · 10/03/2021 18:57

A bit long maybe? Try:

Hi X

We urgently need to address the 7k balance still outstanding on our 10k loan to you of 29/08/2019.

As you know, our arrangement was that the loan would be repaid in its entirety within a year. Unfortunately you have not fulfilled your commitment to repay us, with only 3k of the balance cleared to date. Unfortunately, we have our own financial outgoings to consider and our ability to be flexible about such a large amount of money owed has come to an end.

We will need you to commit to and sign a firm repayment schedule by week's end and will Zoom you on Sunday morning at 11 (or whenever) to confirm.

In the absence of a signed and agreed schedule, we will be listing (address removed) for rent on Monday and seeking legal action to retrieve the money owed which currently stands at £7000.

Lorieandrews · 10/03/2021 18:59

I think you’ll have to be careful

How long has he been in the house? He will have rights. Like any other tenants. Regardless of paying rent. Squatters right maybe.

You’ll have to give him 6 months. I’m sure. Sadly nowadays if you help someone out. They will have rights.

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 19:01

two payments from yourself
yourself??

Porridgeoat · 10/03/2021 19:01

Please do not sent that email. It’s awful

TinkerPony · 10/03/2021 19:01

Sorry you have a DH problem.
How did the BIL know about the inheritance so conveniently a week later begging cap in hand? Hope your DH did not blab it should have been private.

Lorieandrews · 10/03/2021 19:02

Once he’s pays rent. He will for certain have rights. So tread very carefully

The letter needs to more factual. Take out all the personal attacks. You’ve spent this on so and so. That’s useless

Keep it factual

I’m sorry. But if you can’t pay an agent. You’re really going to have to rethink private school. In my opinion

BRB2021 · 10/03/2021 19:02

Too wordy. The old saying least said soonest mended works here. Occa's is much better.

You borrowed, you have reneged, we need to discuss.

Hankunamatata · 10/03/2021 19:03

Have you showed your dh? I would want his approval before sending.

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 19:03

way too woffly, try:
'oi, pay up you c* or else!'
that's what he deserves, not that deferential essay which he will just laugh at