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Original poster

BIL owes us £7k. Should we take him to court?

191 replies

cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:07

Backstory

Me and DH have been together 25 years, married for 20 in the summer. We have 4 DC- 22,18, 11 and 9 and twins due in May.

I have never got on with my mother and father in law- DH has had brief, informal contact with them with the DC but I haven’t seen my MIL for nearly 18 years.

Completely different story with BIL- he cut of his parents (they are very controlling and narcissistic- DH and BIL have an elder sister who was very clearly the favourite for a long time and I have never even met her) and me and him have always got on really well and he was a great support to us with the children growing up, starting our businesses etc. If he babysat or did a days work for us- we would always pay him even if he insisted we didn’t.

Anyway....fast forward to 6 months pre lockdown. BIL separated from his long term partner and came to me and DH for a loan of 10k. Keep in mind this was a week after me receiving a sizeable inheritance and a house from my grandmother. We move him into the house (rent free on the premise utilities etc would be his responsibility) and gave him the loan to get a solicitor to help fight for shared custody of his children.

So naturally it is 18 months later- and we have received 3 grand back, despite assurances he would pay us back within the year. We have a son we are financially supporting at university, 2 in private education and we have literally virtually ZERO income at the moment as both our businesses while they can function in lockdown we aren’t getting the clientele. We are literally living off my grandmothers inheritance which will run out in about 4 months time.

He has been working, has money to splash about on expensive toys for his DC (he spent at least 2k on them at Christmas), isn’t paying rent (thanks to us) and is walking around in designer clothes. Don’t get me wrong we aren’t going without and neither are our children- but he is taking the piss. Then last week- booked a fucking holiday to Disney world “because my babies have missed so much this past year” for Christmas time. Not being funny but the price of that holiday could of paid us off!

When we text/ring it’s constant excuses I’m not working (he is according to his Facebook business page), it will be next month yada yada. We can’t physically go round obviously and it is 200 miles away that he is now living.

DH won’t talk about it. He wants to just “leave it” when he can’t fucking see we are going to be up shit creek very soon and this money would at least buy us 2/3 months!!!

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 10/03/2021 16:46

Do get proper legal advice on this. Its really concerning that this involves your DH's brother who has got 10k and a free house out of you, and you're unable to even speak to your DH about it because youre scared of his reaction. This is approaching coercive control. In no way should you feel compelled to give this man free housing or money. Is there any liklihood that your DH is facilitating this and is telling you one thing and his brother another?

bookworm34 · 10/03/2021 16:46

I'd start charging him rent, if he refuses evict and get paying tenants in.
I'd also look at a small claims court. He's taking the piss OP and your Dh Is willing to let you spend your inheritance while his brother gets off Scott free - says it all really doesn't it?

peak2021 · 10/03/2021 16:48

Sad if you need to do that, but would the start of legal proceedings wake him up to respond?

Have a plan if you get nowhere as well. Private education is something that can stop, much as it is a massive upheaval.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:48

@PlanDeRaccordement

YANBU to want the money back. But unless you have a written contract with and signed by BIL stating the loan amount and repayment terms, you won’t get help from the courts. BIL will argue it was a gift and with no proof it was a loan.....
We have plenty of Facebook messages, texts/what’s app with him clearly agreeing it was a loan not a gift.
OP posts:
Mix56 · 10/03/2021 16:53

You don't need to fall out
You are housing him for nothing, you lent him money when he was in the shit.
He can either repay you, of he will have to leave as you will be renting out, (& not to him as he won't pay rent will he ) or sell it.
As you have no money, & he has booked a holiday instead of repaying.

He is playing Disney dad with your money. Bollox to that.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/03/2021 16:53

@Finfintytint

Give him notice to leave the property and sell it.
This. I think you can probably kiss goodbye to the cash but you can take control of the property.
Rosieposy89 · 10/03/2021 16:55

If there's no written proof of loan you'll find it virtually unenforceable in the courts - he could argue its a gift.

I'd be charing him market rent on top of the loan. He has taken advantage of your generosity. Your husband is taking the piss as well. He can't expect you to use your inheritance to bail out your brother and tbf, you could get paying tenants in the property instead of this wanker

Longdistance · 10/03/2021 16:56

What’s the contract with the property? If there’s no contract, he can leave ASAP and stop taking the piss. Put the house on the market or rent to people that will actually pay and then you can pay the school fees.
I don’t see why your subbing this twat for 18 months. Sod upsetting your dh.

Original poster
cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:56

@Gerla

If I don’t pay the school fees my DDs won’t have a school to go No state school? I'm not being goady but you say that if he pays you back, it will buy you a couple of months. So, it's not that likely that he will pay and it won't solve your problem anyway. You need to look at longer term solutions.
Again- we want to avoid this. Not because we have anything against state schools DD3 will struggle as she is very routine based/likes familiarity (this lockdown has been a nightmare for her) and I think she will struggle being taken away from people she has been to nursery, then prep and on to secondary with.
OP posts:
Rosieposy89 · 10/03/2021 16:56

*charging and his obviously

harknesswitch · 10/03/2021 17:00

Give him notice on the property, rent that out to give yourself an income and give him a written deadline on the remaining money.

Spell it out to him, small claims court or pay it back.

Snugglepumpkin · 10/03/2021 17:02

Tell him you need to rent the house out as he hasn't paid you back.
He can either go somewhere else & pay or pay you rent.

4Mongrels · 10/03/2021 17:04

Tell him you need an income from the property. He either needs to pay rent or move out so you can get tenants in.

I would ask him to start paying the loan back in instalments.

BRB2021 · 10/03/2021 17:06

What is your DH alternative then? Bury his head in the sand and let your family suffer for the sake of his brother?!

Your DH needs to get one of those backbone thingys, they are all the rage with people who really want to look after their wife and dcs and wont let themselves be walked over.

I would say some balls, but if you are having dc 5 and 6 he clearly is ok in tht department!

MeridianB · 10/03/2021 17:09

Sadly, it sounds as if he would pay rent for a month or two then have excuses and you will be back to square one.

I’m not sure there is a way to do this nicely now he clearly doesn’t care about your finances or see this as serious. So make it serious by seeing a lawyer and kicking him out. Harsh, but he’s not given you much choice and the alternative is to write the money off.

mainsfed · 10/03/2021 17:10

Why are you afraid of putting DH in the shit? His family have put you in the shit!

belowdeckyoubet · 10/03/2021 17:10

@cally8019 If you DH doesn’t want to ask for it back, what is his bulletproof solution to your financial situation?

Turefu · 10/03/2021 17:10

Have you got a formal rental agreement with him? I presume you don't, so give him notice now. If you do, serve him Section 21. You can also asking him to starting peying you rent, but it looks like you already know he'll won't do it. About a loan, again, have you got any evidence you loaned him money rather then gave him? If so, you can take him to court. But I would concetrated on getting house back and rent it out for market rate.

Gliblet · 10/03/2021 17:10

You're not causing any problems between your DH and his brother - BIL is doing that all on his own.

If you can see the problems that are coming up, sit down with your DH and ask how you, as a family, are going to address them.

You've got 4 months. You need a plan to either keep costs down, income up, or find other ways of bringing the money in OR he needs to decide how he wants to explain to your DC that some serious changes are coming. You might have to do some serious tongue-biting, but don't bring up the subject of the loan. Leave that conclusion for your DH to arrive at.

Lordamighty · 10/03/2021 17:11

He is absolutely playing you for a pair of fools. You are housing him for free, given him a loan he isn’t paying back while he is booking holidays and splashing the cash, your cash.
You need to take action sooner rather than later. I wouldn’t worry about upsetting him, he certainly isn’t bothered about you, your DH or your family.

NotFabulousDarling · 10/03/2021 17:11

Write him a letter telling him you intend to rent the house out at a cost of £1000 per month (or more if worth more but don't go lower than this even if it's not worth it, the goal here is to get him out) so if he wishes to continue staying there you can offer him an assured shorthold tenancy (with a deposit of £1000 and rent of £1000 per month) and if he doesn't, you will need him to vacate. You would not believe how quick we got rid of "extended houseguests" by doing this after they had sponged off us for 2 years.
Then once you have the house back you can rent it out either yourselves or through an agency (as you're far away and they can do day-to-day maintenance etc) and that will get you some income coming back in.
You need to make it really clear to your DH that every month BIL lives in that house, your family is LOSING about £1000 a month or more in income plus all that shopping etc. He shouldn't be setting his wife and children on fire to keep his brother warm.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/03/2021 17:12

@Turefu

Have you got a formal rental agreement with him? I presume you don't, so give him notice now. If you do, serve him Section 21. You can also asking him to starting peying you rent, but it looks like you already know he'll won't do it. About a loan, again, have you got any evidence you loaned him money rather then gave him? If so, you can take him to court. But I would concetrated on getting house back and rent it out for market rate.
If he doesn't leave a S21 will only get you so far because a tenancy doesn't exist (in the absence of rent being paid). However, it is the right paperwork to get the court process going.
Lordamighty · 10/03/2021 17:13

If you think it’s just a coincidence that he approached you just after you received an inheritance then you are daft. People like your BIL prey on the likes of you & your DH.

NotFabulousDarling · 10/03/2021 17:14

And about the loan, write BIL a Letter Before Action (or get a solicitor to write it so it looks serious) outlining the money he owes and threatening him with small claims.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 10/03/2021 17:14

This is a warning to anyone who wants to help friends or family that everything should be put in writing.

Getting the house back may not just be as simple as 'telling him to get out'. If he digs his heels in, you either change the locks and risk him going to the council for possible illegal eviction or you go to court which in the current climate can take months.