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AIBU?

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Original poster

BIL owes us £7k. Should we take him to court?

191 replies

cally8019 · 10/03/2021 16:07

Backstory

Me and DH have been together 25 years, married for 20 in the summer. We have 4 DC- 22,18, 11 and 9 and twins due in May.

I have never got on with my mother and father in law- DH has had brief, informal contact with them with the DC but I haven’t seen my MIL for nearly 18 years.

Completely different story with BIL- he cut of his parents (they are very controlling and narcissistic- DH and BIL have an elder sister who was very clearly the favourite for a long time and I have never even met her) and me and him have always got on really well and he was a great support to us with the children growing up, starting our businesses etc. If he babysat or did a days work for us- we would always pay him even if he insisted we didn’t.

Anyway....fast forward to 6 months pre lockdown. BIL separated from his long term partner and came to me and DH for a loan of 10k. Keep in mind this was a week after me receiving a sizeable inheritance and a house from my grandmother. We move him into the house (rent free on the premise utilities etc would be his responsibility) and gave him the loan to get a solicitor to help fight for shared custody of his children.

So naturally it is 18 months later- and we have received 3 grand back, despite assurances he would pay us back within the year. We have a son we are financially supporting at university, 2 in private education and we have literally virtually ZERO income at the moment as both our businesses while they can function in lockdown we aren’t getting the clientele. We are literally living off my grandmothers inheritance which will run out in about 4 months time.

He has been working, has money to splash about on expensive toys for his DC (he spent at least 2k on them at Christmas), isn’t paying rent (thanks to us) and is walking around in designer clothes. Don’t get me wrong we aren’t going without and neither are our children- but he is taking the piss. Then last week- booked a fucking holiday to Disney world “because my babies have missed so much this past year” for Christmas time. Not being funny but the price of that holiday could of paid us off!

When we text/ring it’s constant excuses I’m not working (he is according to his Facebook business page), it will be next month yada yada. We can’t physically go round obviously and it is 200 miles away that he is now living.

DH won’t talk about it. He wants to just “leave it” when he can’t fucking see we are going to be up shit creek very soon and this money would at least buy us 2/3 months!!!

OP posts:
Shrivelled · 10/03/2021 20:50

Regardless of what has happened there’s no way I’d send a threatening email to my BIL. You have a DH and this is his territory. No one’s going to thank you for taking the reins on this.

littlefireseverywhere · 10/03/2021 20:52

I think you need to give him notice on the house, be clear. You need the 7k back now AND he pays rent.

littlefireseverywhere · 10/03/2021 20:54

I think your email seems perfectly justified.

SeaShoreGalore · 10/03/2021 20:58

I think yours comes across as too emotional. its up to your DH to sort out really.

GaryUnicorn · 10/03/2021 20:59

He sounds like a complete arse. Good luck, I hope you get your money and house back soon.

k1233 · 10/03/2021 21:00

If the requirements of a letter of demand are the same in the UK as they are here, you need to give a reasonable time to pay and outline that in the letter. If he misses a payment you need to send a default notice and action, you can't let a missed payment slide.

Is there any reason BIL can't pay market rent?

I'd be inclined to say (taking from a post above)

"The outstanding balance of £7k we leant to you was due to be repaid by xxxx. I think we need to formalise repayment of this sum as we need to pay DDs tuition fees very shortly. We will require repayment of £500 per week and the loan repaid in full by xxxx.

Repayment schedule is
12 March 21 £500
19 march 21 £500
Etc (you have to list payment dates so everyone knows the date to be paid)

Bank details are xyz.

Additionally I am no longer in a position to continue to allow you to stay rent free at my property (include address). To this effect I am instructing an estate agent to visit the house to ascertain a figure for sale and rent. I would be happy for you to continue living in the property and paying market rent as advised by the agent.

Due to covid our businesses have been very slow and repayment of the loan and rental income are going to be essential for us over the coming months to keep dd in school and cover costs until the businesses (hopefully) pick up. We'll FaceTime at 11am on Sunday to discuss."

JSL52 · 10/03/2021 21:01

@cally8019

I don't see how im coming up with excuses when it is illegal for me to travel there at the moment- and I don't have the money to pay an agent!
Agents fees come out of the rent.
JSL52 · 10/03/2021 21:01

Or you just pay a finders fee and manage it yourself.

SandyY2K · 10/03/2021 21:03

Personally I wouldn't threaten legal action either, that's pretty full-on when you haven't even discussed it properly yet, by the sounds of it.

I agree with this. Avoid threats and hostility

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 21:14

I hope you use some of these suggestions and keep it business like OP, he wont be expecting you to be so 'together' he thinks he can run rings around you

Nat6999 · 10/03/2021 21:26

You must have keys to the property, wait until he goes out, bag his property up & change the locks. You have tried to do things properly & he hasn't taken any notice. Do you have any proof of the £7k being transfered to him? Bank transfer or cheque would do & the fact he has repaid £3k shows it wasn't a gift, try the small claims court. Then rent the property out properly a tenancy agreement, current market rent or sell it.

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 21:36

he has repaid £3k
Bear in mind OP he did this to keep you sweet/lull you into a false sense of security and buy him time to get his feet even more firmly under her table

justasmalltownmum · 10/03/2021 21:45

You don't need to explain any reasoning to him. Just say we had an agreement it would be paid back within the year and now it's not, so get out .

DdraigGoch · 10/03/2021 21:49

I've attempted to rewrite your letter. No need to mention screenshots at this stage, keep your cards close to your chest until you need them.

Hi X

With regards to the loan of £10,000 we agreed on 29/08/2019.

Since the above date, we have received two payments from you - the first on 02/04/2020, sum of £2500; the second dated 15/05/2020, sum of £500. An outstanding balance of £10,000 remains. At the time, you agreed that the loan should be paid back within a year; a term which expired six months ago. We have tried to be flexible and understanding with regards to your situation and the ongoing pandemic. However, it is becoming clear that your failure to continue repayments has not been due to a lack of funds, instead that you have chosen to fail to meet with the obligations you agreed to.

Due to the current pandemic and the impact this is having upon our incomes, we are not in the position to continue our generosity indefinitely and your failure to repay the money owed risks causing severe disruption to our family.

We would like to have a Zoom meeting this weekend - perhaps Sunday evening? This will give us an opportunity to resolve the situation amicably. I have attempted to contact you by phone but was unable to get through and am therefore sending a copy of this letter by post.

I hope we can come up with a reasonable payment plan on Sunday, otherwise we will be forced to list (address removed) for rent and seeking to recover the money owed.

cooldarkroom · 10/03/2021 21:52

An outstanding balance of £10,000 erratum, 7K

Porridgeoat · 10/03/2021 21:54

You do t need to pad it out. Send an email of one or two sentences only.

DdraigGoch · 10/03/2021 21:54

@cooldarkroom

An outstanding balance of £10,000 erratum, 7K
I was thinking "£7k", honest guv! My fingers obviously aren't listening to my brain...
Porridgeoat · 10/03/2021 21:55

You don’t even need to ask for a zoom meeting, just give him your back details and ask him to pay it in directly this month

scalphelp · 10/03/2021 21:59

To be honest the email sounds nuclear, especially the attachments. That would get anyone’s back up. Let your husband deal with it. He can veto the email and send it himself

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 10/03/2021 22:00

He is using your inheritance to fund his lifestyle. Your grandparents house that you don’t want to sell is paying for his life.

Read that.

Tell him the house is going on the market.

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 22:01

The husband is chickenshit and scared of his bro

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 10/03/2021 22:02

(You’ll need to serve a Section 21. Contact Shelter to ensure you’re evicting legally)

scalphelp · 10/03/2021 22:07

serving section 21 will take significantly longer due to the pandemic - it’s 6 months for the notice alone. As this is a casual tenancy agreements, chances are OP hasn’t even issued the basic requirements to be able to immediately give him notice either. You should probably hire a solicitor first thing to get the ball rolling properly

Soontobe60 · 10/03/2021 22:10

What was the agreement about paying back to money? And do you have this in writing? If not, you may find it almost impossible for the courts to agree to your claim.

justanotherremainer · 10/03/2021 22:12

It will cost thousands to take him to court. You could end up with hardly any of your £7 k left.