To insist husband is allowed into scan with me?

[Lass67]

Today experienced pain and bleeding in early pregnancy- tried to refer to EPAU which was a shit show in itself and ended up having to go to A&E as GP & midwife insisted wasn’t their responsibility to refer me and no self referrals accepted.

Husband allowed to stay with me in A&E and was a lovely support to be honest. When we finally got to EPAU he was told rather abruptly by receptionist he wasn’t allowed in. I waited hours to be seen alone listening to smooth FM in the waiting room (playing songs about being a parent FFS!) and wringing my hands before being seen by a very lovely doctor who had only been working in gynae a few weeks and struggled to tell me anything but told me my anatomy was ‘awkward’ and I’d need a scan- but by this point five hours after initially trying to get help scanning is shut and I have to come back tomorrow.

I then went out to find my husband sat in the cold with some other sad dads to be -not allowed to be with their partners.

I checked NHS England guidance and it says I’m allowed one support person with me at all points during antenatal care- updated December 2020 in light of Covid-19.
Royal college of obstetricians and gynaecologists agree.

Am I being unreasonable tomorrow if I insist on my husband being with me? I feel sick thinking of being told I’ve lost the baby on my own and then having to go outside and find him and have to repeat everything to him. It was hard enough today to retain what was being said. I understand if they want to minimise people in the waiting room but it was half empty and I don’t understand why they’d be able to contravene guidance from the organisation that commissions the service.

@Erkrie

She can. 🙂 Looks like lockdowns getting to you with all your frothing rage to strangers on a forum. Step back from the keyboard, warrior 😉

Why do you think she can? Because you don’t understand the definition of “guidance”?

Just to say good luck OP, on both the scan itself and in asserting your rights. I think it's awful that even though the guidelines have thankfully been changed, many trusts are still ignoring that.

As others have said, it’s guidance and some trusts aren’t able to implement fully due to social distancing, space & staffing.

My trust does early scanning in a different place to 12 & 20 weeks, and there just isn’t the room to safely have another person in the early scanning rooms.

It might be something similar. I would ask, rather than insist. They will probably have a reasonable explanation.

Anyone who insists on anything is off on the wrong foot.

OP, hope all is well.

Cannot believe the insensitive tone from some posters on this thread towards a woman potentially facing a loss.

OP YANBU and I hope all is well

One thing not being mentioned is vaccinations - most frontline nhs staff have had their first vaccination and therefore have a good degree of protection. Patients are also wearing face masks. Most are waiting in car parks and being called in 5 minutes before appointment times. How much is it about the ‘safety’ of the staff to the detriment of patient care and wellbeing? When does it end? If a patient is made to sit in a waiting room with other patients for many hours, who is being put at risk? The staff or the patient?

Why do you think she can? Because you don’t understand the definition of “guidance”?

I think she has every right to ask them to follow their own guidance. As there's no indication that they are even aware of their own guidance. No?

Why do you think she shouldn't?

People should remember that the OP is going through a difficult time. She's a real person. All she's saying is the guidance supports what she wants to do, so should she bring it up and try to get her partner in with her. She's hardly saying she's going to be kicking and screaming at the staff.

Yanbu OP, insist you want him in with you. I lost a baby at the begining of the year and was on my own at the scan because they wouldn't let DH in. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Hope all is well.

Guidance ALLOWS one person to attend. I feel sorry for ALL women who have had to attend their 'regular' appointments on their own but knowing you need an 'emergency' appointment, and knowing there is a greater risk of being told devastating news when on your own is disgusting and inhumane.

@Erkrie

Why do you think she can? Because you don’t understand the definition of “guidance”?

I think she has every right to ask them to follow their own guidance. As there's no indication that they are even aware of their own guidance. No?

Why do you think she shouldn't?

Is it their own guidance? Thought it was national guidelines the op had found. Hospitals often have different policies than national ones and that's allowed.

@Wishing14

One thing not being mentioned is vaccinations - most frontline nhs staff have had their first vaccination and therefore have a good degree of protection. Patients are also wearing face masks. Most are waiting in car parks and being called in 5 minutes before appointment times. How much is it about the ‘safety’ of the staff to the detriment of patient care and wellbeing? When does it end? If a patient is made to sit in a waiting room with other patients for many hours, who is being put at risk? The staff or the patient?

But it doesn't stop them catch it, just reduces the chance of them being very ill. But they can still pass it on to family at home, some may be higher risk.

I’m so disappointed at the comments from women saying they had to do it on their own so why should the OP get to have her partner there. It’s just women knocking other women down and begrudging progress in the rules because it wasn’t available for them. It’s really low. Imagine what we could do if women supported each other and pushed for improvements for women as a whole.

@WhenAWrenVisits

I’m so disappointed at the comments from women saying they had to do it on their own so why should the OP get to have her partner there. It’s just women knocking other women down and begrudging progress in the rules because it wasn’t available for them. It’s really low. Imagine what we could do if women supported each other and pushed for improvements for women as a whole.

Agreed. This website often really harbours an atmosphere of cruelty.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.
Either the guidance/rules/whatever say you can have someone with you, in which case the hospital are wrong, or they're right and you can't have someone, in which case YANBU to be upset about this.
It's not far short of barbaric to my mind, and the fact that other women have had to endure this doesn't change that.

for you and I do hope the scan today shows that everything is alright with your baby.

Thank you for all the positive comments, and the understanding ones even if you thought I was being unreasonable .
I posted this thread when I was feeling anguished over what what happening to me.
The person who called me selfish on this thread actually made me cry this morning, which wasn’t great to be honest. I am ultimately someone who just want to end up with my baby in my arms. I don’t think I am ‘special’.
If it provides any more context I am a vaccinated HCP. I have been doing home visits all throughout and doing my best to make sure my patients have not had a lapse of care in the last year. I am not unaware that there is a global pandemic however judging by this thread there is quite the compassion shortage too! Common sense should come before blanket bans.

So I went to the EPAU today and in front of me was a young-ish woman crying with her mum, and her mum being ordered off. I actually stepped in then and (very calmly!) said this contravenes guidance, what reasoning is there for this.
They said ‘it’s just the rules here and that’s the way it is’ - however said that our respective support persons could come in for scans.
Went over to scanning with my husband and he was able to come in, sonographer was lovely.
Because I’d spoken up earlier they then wrote on my notes to invite partner in when getting news so he wasn’t able to wait in waiting room but could come to appointment.
However this was only offered because I had brought the guidance up!
Also anyone over 60 attending for gynae clinic was allowed someone with them despite the ‘rules’ - so the room ended up half full of older couples together and half younger women alone. This just seemed complete nonsense to me.

In terms of the pregnancy scan was inconclusive- there was a sac but I might still be too early. I was offered another scan in two weeks. I asked for HCG testing so I can try find out sooner. Fingers crossed.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had my 4th pregnancy loss in October and had to go in for my scans alone and it added to my trauma (and my husband's) and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it.

I hope you have had a scan today and that your husband was able to be with you. Hoping all is OK ❤️

Cross posted @Lass67 well done for advocating for yourself, it's not easy to do in these circumstances. I hope you get some clarity soon x

@NuclearDH well that’s an unknown which is currently being researched, but my point is it has to end somewhere. When is it going to end? There is a balance between staff safety/ wellbeing and patient safety/ wellbeing. From my experience with maternity services during the pandemic, staff safety is being guaranteed as much as it possibly can be. The question is how much greater risk are staff for including a support person in the room during a scan. Bearing in mind the person is distanced from the staff member and wearing a mask I would think it’s a very low increase. It might be argued in such high emotion circumstances such as potential baby loss and welfare of the mother (and other parent) that the benefit to patient outweighs potential risks. Covid isn’t the only damaging thing in the world. In my experience it has also been the patients being put at risk in hospitals, not the staff. Aka being called into appointments and waiting hours without being seen. I’d prefer to wait in the car, and patient through flows should be being managed so this can happen. I was told someone is supposed to manage this and call patients in to building at correct times. I think improving the management of this process is what is needed to reduce hospital transmissions more than demanding that women should go through the service alone.

Lovely of you to support someone else too.

I’m so glad you’re advocating for yourself.
I sincerely hope everything goes well for you.

@Lass67 you did the right thing for you and your family, and you are the exact opposite of selfish. I truly wish you the very best outcome, stay as positive as you can. You will have answers soon.

Why is your need for support more important than the radiographers health?

Well done @Lass67

Fingers crossed for you 💕