To insist husband is allowed into scan with me?

[Lass67]

Today experienced pain and bleeding in early pregnancy- tried to refer to EPAU which was a shit show in itself and ended up having to go to A&E as GP & midwife insisted wasn’t their responsibility to refer me and no self referrals accepted.

Husband allowed to stay with me in A&E and was a lovely support to be honest. When we finally got to EPAU he was told rather abruptly by receptionist he wasn’t allowed in. I waited hours to be seen alone listening to smooth FM in the waiting room (playing songs about being a parent FFS!) and wringing my hands before being seen by a very lovely doctor who had only been working in gynae a few weeks and struggled to tell me anything but told me my anatomy was ‘awkward’ and I’d need a scan- but by this point five hours after initially trying to get help scanning is shut and I have to come back tomorrow.

I then went out to find my husband sat in the cold with some other sad dads to be -not allowed to be with their partners.

I checked NHS England guidance and it says I’m allowed one support person with me at all points during antenatal care- updated December 2020 in light of Covid-19.
Royal college of obstetricians and gynaecologists agree.

Am I being unreasonable tomorrow if I insist on my husband being with me? I feel sick thinking of being told I’ve lost the baby on my own and then having to go outside and find him and have to repeat everything to him. It was hard enough today to retain what was being said. I understand if they want to minimise people in the waiting room but it was half empty and I don’t understand why they’d be able to contravene guidance from the organisation that commissions the service.

[PurplePansy05]

FFS I can't believe some of the responses on here. Shame on you, absolute shame on those of you who are banging on about "radiographer's health" (who is most likely already vaccinated a long time ago, and irsa sonographer if anything ), "I couldn't have anyone so you shouldn't either", "it's against the guidance" etc, etc. I rarely read so much shit on one thread, even on MN.

OP, I had 3 MCs, two of them in lockdown. I had to go through this on my own and I don't wish this on anyone. I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with my son and still go to consultant appointments alone which is difficult sometimes, but my DH has been allowed to the 12 week scan, he will be allowed to the 20 week scan AND he was allowed to attend scans at the EPU at 6 and 9 weeks via my Recurrent MC Clinic for support. These took place in December and January, at the height of covid cases. This is absolutely in line with the RCOG guidance, you are 100% correct and fight for it. I spoke out at my private clinic too and they changed their guidance in line with RCOG. I absolutely wish you all the best and hope your partner will be allowed to attend any future scans you may have IN LINE with what you and him are entitled to. Ignore the idiots, please, you have far more important things on your plate. Keeping everything crossed for your successful pregnancy 🙏 All the best xx

[Trustisamust]

I was fortunate in that I was pregnant in the months before Covid was an issue and so my partner was with me for both scans (my third baby but his first...and last!)
However, I was due May 2020 which was at a peak in the pandemic. My local Trust were only allowing partners in for active labour and then asking them to leave pretty much immediately after the birth.
Luckily I had made the decision way before Covid was even talked about that I was going to have a home birth.
As it turned out the home birth team suspended about six weeks before my due date - complete panic! We ended up employing an IM (Independent Midwife). She was honestly worth every penny.
Our baby girl was born into my partner's arms on our bedroom floor and it honestly felt like we were the only two people in the room.
I'm 40 so won't be having any more babies, but I joked to my IM that she had made the whole experience so special that I was doubting my decision that this baby would be my last!!
I can't imagine my partner not being with me every step of the way, not just for myself but for him. I hope scan rules etc recognise this ASAP.

[Jamboree01]

100% agree. This has changed people for the worse

[Penistoe]

I can’t believe some of the posters saying ‘I had to have a scan on my own so you should too or what makes you so special’. On a parents support group to boot.

When did people become so selfish and awful? Is it covid bringing out the worst in people.
People used to have a very bad experience at something and fight tooth and nail so no other people would have to go through the same thing.

[GuacamoleParty]

So many people are going through so many shit healthcare situations on their own at the moment (myself included). Its rubbish, but the rules are there for good reasons, so unfortunately we all just have to suck it up and deal with it until things have calmed down.

[cheesybean]

You should be able to have someone, but the rules are very tight at the moment.

I had to go to two scans to confirm my baby's death alone and have the procedure to remove it alone.

I sat in the recovery room with two people in the same boat.

This was only last month.

[SnackSizeRaisin]

My understanding is that you can have a partner in the scan but they are not allowed in the waiting area. That seems fair enough as it's obviously best for pregnant women not to have loads of extra people in a confined space. My partner hasn't been able to come to any scans as we had covid therefore he can't get an asymptomatic test for 3 months. (Negative covid test is required for a partner to attend in our area, and you can't get one if you had a positive test within 3 months). To be honest it hasn't bothered me at all. But then I haven't had bad news.

[NuclearDH]

My dd is shielding and isn't getting vaccinated until next week. I don't want to take Covid back to her

[GreenSlide]

'The argument from the college of midwives is daft. The harm caused by not allowing partners at appointments like this is clearly much greater than that arising from a potential to spread a disease which vulnerable people are now vaccinated against.'

Vulnerable people like pregnant people? Oh HANG ON they can't be vaccinated, so every single non essential person in a maternity ward is risking the health of every vulnerable pregnant mum in the place!

[acrossthemultiverse]

[quote Sausageroll67]@Jent13c

Thanks, but it was a very sudden heart attack brought on by a major operation carried out after she had been on anti coagulation medication for ten days that killed her after the two weeks in hospital so nobody was able to get there in time. 😢[/quote]

People have been allowed to be bedside for end of life family throughout the pandemic. It's a shame it was so sudden for you that that couldn't happen.

Can I ask why your instinct was to say that OP shouldn't demand special treatment, rather than to say how awful your experience was and hope she had a better outcome?

I just find it strange that your first instinct was to bitterly chastise her for daring to question anything.

It's good that people like OP are questioning the heavy handed application of guidelines. There have been many instances during the various lockdowns of rules being unnecessarily made up and people have had to push back. Newspapers had previously written articles about women like the OP being left in such terrible states without support.

I'm trying to understand your mentality (and others on this thread) of bitterness towards the OP rather than a solidarity. My lockdown experiences, which I won't go into here, make me sympathise with OP and want her to have a better outcome than I have had.

Why don't you?

[Sausageroll67]

@Jent13c

Thanks, but it was a very sudden heart attack brought on by a major operation carried out after she had been on anti coagulation medication for ten days that killed her after the two weeks in hospital so nobody was able to get there in time. 😢

[Jent13c]

@Sausageroll67

I am truly sorry for your loss. Your MIL should not have been alone if she and the family did not want her to be alone, you should have been called in when it became apparent that she was at end of life. I say that as an NHS nurse across 2 different trusts (admittedly Scotland however we have been operating on a more restricted basis throughout). People should NOT be dying alone. Essential visits are allowed such as end of life, receiving bad diagnosis' and antenatal care. You may have had to wear PPE and obviously wouldn't have been allowed in if you were self isolating but if your hospital is not allowing any visits they are wrongly interpreting the rules and that should be challenged.

I am not in any way a Covidiot, have cared for patients with Covid, have had 2 vaccines and following the stay at home advice to the letter but there are large parts of the NHS applying rules in a stupid way that is unfairly disadvantaging their patients. It is not good enough.

[Dobbyafreeelf]

I would absolutely be requesting that your partner be present under the circumstances.

Hospital trusts are getting away with not following the guidance and if more women complained then more pressure would be on them to make the changes needed to make it safe.

This is not being difficult. We don't know how long this scenario will go on for. Or if another pandemic is around the corner. Perhaps it's time that hospital trusts start looking at proactive ways of keeping people safe as normal practise. Long term planning is what is needed.

[TammySwansonTwo]

Glad you were able to have your partner there, OP.

The argument from the college of midwives is daft. The harm caused by not allowing partners at appointments like this is clearly much greater than that arising from a potential to spread a disease which vulnerable people are now vaccinated against.

With respect, you are completely wrong. Since Christmas, multiple maternity units in my region have had more than 30% staff absence at any one time due to positive tests or self isolating due to a contact. There have been times where units have had to close to cases because there are too many covid positive service users in, they take longer to be discharged due to general ill health, so there are no postnatal beds and the whole system gets backed up.

Not all vulnerable people have been vaccinated and neither have most pregnant women, the demographic being cared for here.

These measures have been in place in order to protect a service which has been on a knife edge since late last year. Vaccination came just in time but many covid positive women are still coming through, and since the PCR tests take time to process, one positive case could infect an entire bay of pregnant women in an antenatal ward before anyone knows.

[Erkrie]

Sounds like they didn't want to fight about it, but that doesn't mean it changed anything.

Well, may they did, and maybe they didn't. Maybe they decided to follow the policy after all. Not really possible to make a judgement either way is it...

Onwards and upwards.

[MessagesKeepGettingClearer]

I've attended every antenatal appointment and scan alone. I'm due this week.

I've had two miscarriages in the past and both times I went on my own for scans due to OH being at work.

I know it sucks but Covid is serious and they need to protect waiting rooms from swarms of people passing it around. I'm grateful I've not had men around me at my appts due to the risk.

I may also have to give birth alone if anything happens with childcare (which is limited due to Covid).

The guidance for hospitals is just that. They still need to make sure the service users are safe and many of these EPU are small with tiny waiting room areas, often open to the rest of the unit.

I hope you get good news tomorrow.

[GrandTheftWalrus]

When I had my miscarriage in May 2020 I wasn't allowed my dh with me. We had "luckily" went for a private scan because he wasn't allowed to my nhs 12wk scan. So we were told at the private scan that there was no heartbeat etc.

I am glad he was with me then and I hadn't waited till my nhs one to be told that on my own.

However when I went to hospital to have it confirmed etc I was told it was definitely a missed miscarriage and 5 mins later I was in a room by myself being told to make a decision on how I wanted it dealt with. I had barely taken the news in.

I then wasn't allowed surgical management due to covid and had to go through weeks of pain and bleeding.

I am currently 31 weeks pregnant again and I'm having extra appointments which again I need to go alone which doesn't help when they are giving me loads of information and I maybe miss something.

It's unfair on any woman having to go through any part of pregnancy by themselves regardless of what's going on in the world. I think that's why I still haven't "dealt" with what happened last year.

[boltfromtheblueblue]

Apart from the fact then when the op mentioned the policy, they then let the partner in.Sounds like it was pretty relevant to me....

Sounds like they didn't want to fight about it, but that doesn't mean it changed anything.

[Erkrie]

And yes it is a good thing we're moving on.

[Erkrie]

Ahh ok, I see your point.

[acrossthemultiverse]

@Erkrie

Can people try to understand that guidelines from nhs england have little relevance when they contradict the rules in place at the actual hospital?

Apart from the fact then when the op mentioned the policy, they then let the partner in.

Sounds like it was pretty relevant to me....

It is relevant. I've already said earlier in the thread that the same thing happened to me. On the phone: "you can't bring anyone in with you." When I turned up for the scan: "do you have anyone with you you'd like to come into the scan room for support?"

So many posters on this thread are failing to realise the the NHS, and many other industries, are often making this up as they go along. I work in education and it's the same their. Contradictory policies that change from one moment to the next depending on interpretation or who you have the good or bad luck to speak to on any given day.

OP was right to show the guidance. Some on this thread seem to relish the lockdown and want us to stay in this horrendous state forever. Things are moving on. That's a good thing!

[Erkrie]

Can people try to understand that guidelines from nhs england have little relevance when they contradict the rules in place at the actual hospital?

Apart from the fact then when the op mentioned the policy, they then let the partner in.

Sounds like it was pretty relevant to me....

[MollieBa]

@boltfromtheblueblue totally agree with your responses.

[Airyfairymarybeary]

Sorry but YABU. They are the rules for a reason. You knew there was a pandemic when you got pregnant.
I lost a baby last year and had the scan on my own. I chose not to try for another baby until the pandemic had ended for this reason.

[Jamboree01]

100% this.

OP was not being unreasonable, she explained the context of her question and how she had read the changes in policy. People are allowed to ask questions so that they are clear about what can and can’t happen.

Let’s hope that we are on the brink of things becoming a little more positive for everybody and things becoming a little more ‘normal’.

I wish you lots of luck with HCG and next scan OP 💐