Would it bother you how many people your partner has slept with?

[Bottomlesspit21]

Name changed for this!

Exactly as the title says really...

My boyfriend asked me how many people I’ve slept with and I answered honestly. I know my number is really high compared to most - 120/130 people and I’m 29. Not proud of it as a lot were whilst hammered but it is what it is!
Since he’s asked he’s struggled with the fact and says it’s dirty etc, makes him feel insecure and finds it off putting I guess. I can’t change the past though so not sure what I can do about it now but I don’t want to be made to feel like a terrible person or punished because of it either!

So, would it put you off? Or is it irrelevant? Would you judge if the number is too high/low?

Get him to watch four weddings and a funeral with you!

Serves him right for asking. He says it's dirty? Do you think he would say that if it was his number that was higher?

Your boyfriend needs to catch a grip of himself. As long as you’re only sleeping with him moving forward, the past is in the past and should remain there.

He says it’s dirty? I think that’s more of an issue than the number - the phrasing is a bit odd. Realistically it wasn’t sensible to ask a question if the answer had the potential to upset him. What would have been the right number? 5 or 10?

I think if your number was that high at age 29 but you’d also managed to squeeze in three long term relationships then I would be alarmed. My number is higher than my DH’s but he was in relationships through his twenties and I failed miserably at them. There was less sex overall but with more people.

Basically, some context helps in understanding and accepting higher numbers. And I agree with you that looking forward and the present should count more than the past.

I would never disclose it as it’s none of anyone’s business. I actually have no idea as I don’t count.

I thought people stopped asking that after the age of around 21?

Don’t entertain his concerns. Leave him to sort out his own feelings. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

If he thinks it's a problem then you might want to reconsider your relationship, he won't forget it now he knows.
In my opinion, it's nothing to be ashamed of and he's being an idiot.

I think it’s a question that should never be asked or answered. It’s in the past and private. I’m married 30 plus years and we’ve never asked one another.

Unfortunately he’s always going to feel uncomfortable about it.

No.

The very fact that he's asking you is a massive red flag.

Oh dear. Double standards at work.
You should not be made to feel bad or punished.

But honestly it’s just not a conversation I would be having. In this day & age it should be irrelevant, assuming you’ve been safe.

He should not have asked, it seems he was always going to judge - good or bad.

I would dump someone who called me 'dirty'. Do yourself a big favour & ditch him, his attitude towards you (women) is horrible.

I don't think it should matter, as long as you're faithful! OH has only slept with one person before me and we met when he was 45, but I have slept with 30ish and 16 years younger than him. I don't think he has ever asked me how many, but he knows it's a lot more than him! Doesn't seem to bother him.

It might have done when I was younger and less mature but not now, I've made too many questionable decisions in the past to feel qualified to judge anyone else.

However, it would bother me if a partner asked me the question and then tried to make their difficulties dealing with the answer my problem. I certainly couldn't handle having someone describe my sexual history as dirty. Would he judge male friends the same way?

Nobody ever asks their partner this question for a good reason. However much they claim they “just think couples should be open with each other” or they’d “just like to know”, there’s always some stick to beat you with on its way after.

You don’t need to feel like a bad person because you’ve had a lot of sex previously and if he thinks it makes you “dirty” then he’s not somebody you want to have a relationship with, really, is he?

Did he tell you how many sexual partners he has had?! This really isn’t a conversation I would have been having. Why do people want to know this stuff?!

Ugh. I would've lied and then dumped a short while later for even asking I think.
If someone asked for a 'number' they are already a twat imho.
I would only lie due to them bringing it up and I was probably around your 'number' at your age. Much higher now

@Joinedjustforthispost I’ve reported your post.

I have no issue with prostitution. I do have an issue with attempting to pour scorn on a woman for her sexual history.

Personally I would rather not know.

He says it's dirty? Would he say the same about a mate of his who had slept with that many women?

Both DH and I have slept with around 50-60 people each (obviously none during the length of our relationship and marriage!). I'd much rather be with someone who's had a bit of fun in their youth tbh!

Irrelevant.

Yes. I think casual sex is unwise and unhealthy for individuals and for society. I would never have been attracted to a promiscuous man.