Would it bother you how many people your partner has slept with?

[Bottomlesspit21]

Name changed for this!

Exactly as the title says really...

My boyfriend asked me how many people I’ve slept with and I answered honestly. I know my number is really high compared to most - 120/130 people and I’m 29. Not proud of it as a lot were whilst hammered but it is what it is!
Since he’s asked he’s struggled with the fact and says it’s dirty etc, makes him feel insecure and finds it off putting I guess. I can’t change the past though so not sure what I can do about it now but I don’t want to be made to feel like a terrible person or punished because of it either!

So, would it put you off? Or is it irrelevant? Would you judge if the number is too high/low?

I should add that I would dump someone for asking this question. It says a lot about the way they think about women.

I have no idea what my boyfriends "number" is, and he doesn't know mine.

I'd be put off if my boyfriend called me "dirty" for daring to have more sexual partners than him, in fact I'd probably tell him to fuck off.

No, not at all as long as none of them overlapped our relationship.

Yes it would bother me if it was that much as it makes them seem easy (either sex). Well, you did ask. Having said that you I suspect most people wouldn't admit to it if it was that amount. Men (egos) esp don't like to think of how many have been there before them and some don't ask because of that. If this doesn't work out then I'd fabricate the truth a bit next time. The pasts the past and if its going to cause a problem, it's not worth it.

I would judge anyone—male or female—who slept with even a quarter of your number. That’s obscene and I would think there was something wrong, so yes, it would massively put me off.

tippledpink off topic, but me and my DH also have 16yrs age gap :)

It’s not dirty at all - as long as it was consensual and you enjoyed it that’s all that matters.

If he feels intimidated by it and insecure that reflects on him, and shows he’s misogynistic.

Ditch him. He’s clearly petty and will always use it against you.

It's his problem, not yours. As long as you practice safe sex and make sure you're getting tested, your sexual history has no relevance to your current relationship, whether you've slept with one, ten, or one hundred people. You're not bringing any of them into the bedroom with you.

Your body is not sullied or made dirty by other people's touch.

I would like to leave you with this from Nikita Gill:

If he says your body is ruined because it has been touched by another man’s hands before his, ask him how many woman’s bodies have his hands ruined and what is wrong, in his mind, with a man’s hands that they only know how to ruin a woman’s body rather than love it?

You know it’s possible to have fun without multiple one night stands, @user2021?
I think it’s wrong to judge people on how many sexual partners they have had - whether that number is high or low. Your judgement is just as unacceptable.

@emilyfrost

I would judge anyone—male or female—who slept with even a quarter of your number. That’s obscene and I would think there was something wrong, so yes, it would massively put me off.

Can you define what makes it obscene? What is the material, quantifiable difference between sleeping with 130 people one time or sleeping with one person 130 times that makes one "good" and the other "bad"?

I’d probably be thinking of never sleeping with him again if he said that.

Doubt he thought you were dirty whilst he was enjoying an evening with you

To be honest my boyfriend gave me a ball park figure which I thought was quite high but it was his attitude to safe sex and testing which made me feel quite judgmental. Relying on an ex to let you know if you’ve got anything rather than getting tested yourself is not sensible.

The “dirty” comment would piss me off and if he kept focusing on/making similar comments he’d be dumped.

I would judge anyone—male or female—who slept with even a quarter of your number. That’s obscene and I would think there was something wrong, so yes, it would massively put me off.

What's obscene about enjoying consensual sex as an adult?

Yes it would bother me.

I have absolutely no idea how many men I have slept with. When I was young, free & single I was free & single. I had a lot of fun and I don’t regret any of it. Because of my history I absolutely wouldn’t judge anyone else, and anyone who attempted to judge me would be told, very bluntly, to sort out his attitude or else.

It would bother me. I'm all for free choice but if I was thinking of entering a serious relationship and my boyfriend said he'd had 130 partners, a lot of them just because he got hammered, I'd be worried for various reasons:
That he'd always be looking for variety and one partner would be "boring".
That when he drank his sexual inhibitions would drop and he'd be tempted to stray.
That he'd be a higher risk for stds/ infertility/surprise children coming out of the woodwork.

Just a few thoughts.
Fine for people in general but for a potential partner I'd think eeewww no thanks.

I don't think my view will be popular but..... if a new man admitted to having slept with hundreds of people I wouldn't go out with him any more.
I'm looking for someone to settle down with and I don't want a man who has spent his life bedding lots of women.

@emilyfrost

I would judge anyone—male or female—who slept with even a quarter of your number. That’s obscene and I would think there was something wrong, so yes, it would massively put me off.

So what’s the difference in your mind with having sex with the same person 100 times and breaking up and having sex with 100 different people?

Your fanny will still be the same amount of ‘used’ for want of a better word. Seems totally illogical.

Yes, 130 people would put me off. It’s a bit gross isn’t it? Like you’d just go with anyone who looked at you.

Interestingly enough I have a friend who’s up in the hundreds and when she told me I couldn’t look at her in the same way. Now i’m older I realise she must have been very insecure.

My partner is older than me and slept with about 30-40. To me that’s putting it about a bit but doesn’t bother me - clearly enjoyed them self in their youth!

I think 50-60+ and I wouldn’t touch ‘em personally.

I am below 5, for comparison. I appreciate my number is very low.

@emilyfrost why obscene? I genuinely don't understand why it would be obscene. You could describe it as many things but I wouldn't use that word. Same feelings when people describe it as disgusting.

Personally, in the 100s would put me off. I'm insecure and id be really uncomfortable and self conscious. I really think it depends on the person, a lot wouldn't be bothered and a lot would. It's absolutely no one else's place to judge though!

It would bother me because I’m interested in being with someone who views sex as a meaningful experience. There is nothing wrong with having a different approach, but you may not have compatible life goals.

Not at all with a clean STI screen.

His reaction would put me right off him, don’t ask a question if you can’t take the answer!

I had a lot of fun when I was younger, slept with probably more people than you OP(I don’t know the exact number), there is nothing dirty or obscene about safe consensual sex.

It would put me off.